{"id":10939,"date":"2025-06-19T16:49:27","date_gmt":"2025-06-19T20:49:27","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/parmaks.com\/Resources\/crazy-making-behavior-abusive-manipulation-to-make-you-doubt\/"},"modified":"2025-06-19T16:49:27","modified_gmt":"2025-06-19T20:49:27","slug":"crazy-making-behavior-abusive-manipulation-to-make-you-doubt","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/parmaks.com\/Resources\/crazy-making-behavior-abusive-manipulation-to-make-you-doubt\/","title":{"rendered":"Crazy-Making Behavior (Abusive manipulation to make you doubt)"},"content":{"rendered":"<p> <a href=\"https:\/\/hop.clickbank.net\/?affiliate=infohatch&amp;vendor=J1R2C\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"size-full wp-image-10614 aligncenter\" src=\"http:\/\/parmaks.com\/Resources\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/profit-gen400px.png\" alt=\"Profit Gen\" width=\"400\" height=\"217\" srcset=\"http:\/\/parmaks.com\/Resources\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/profit-gen400px.png 400w, http:\/\/parmaks.com\/Resources\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/profit-gen400px-300x163.png 300w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 400px) 100vw, 400px\" \/><\/a><br \/>\n<\/p>\n<div itemprop=\"text\">\n<p>You\u2019re in a relationship with someone who makes you feel off balance and disconnected from reality \u2014 as well as from the people you used to count on for support.<\/p>\n<p>It\u2019s gotten so bad you hear yourself justifying his behavior and questioning your own perception.<\/p>\n<p>If he says you\u2019re \u201ccrazy\u201d or \u201closing your grip on reality,\u201d then maybe you are.<\/p>\n<p>Maybe he\u2019s just the first one to notice and to care enough to say something. And if you can believe that, he can get away with anything.<\/p>\n<p>The abuser and the abused can be either male or female, so I don\u2019t use the male pronoun to call out men in particular.<\/p>\n<p>Crazy-making abuse has more to do with personality, which is a combination of nature and environment.<\/p>\n<p><span id=\"more-34853\"\/><\/p>\n<p>In this article, we will cover all of the signs of crazy-making behavior and how to respond to it. <strong>(And if you want to find out now if emotional abuse is going on in your relationship then here is a<a href=\"https:\/\/liveboldandbloom.com\/emotional-abuse-test\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener nofollow\" class=\"broken_link\"> free online quiz to help you know your options and take action.)<\/a><\/strong>.  <\/p>\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"0-what-is-crazy-making-behavior\">What is crazy-making behavior?<\/h2>\n<p>If you\u2019ve witnessed or experienced crazy-making behavior, some or all of the following should sound familiar:<\/p>\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li>Denying what they\u2019ve said or done<\/li>\n<li>Turning accusations into further proof of your craziness or unreliable memory<\/li>\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/liveboldandbloom.com\/11\/relationships\/lying-by-omission\" title=\"Lying By Omission: What It Is And Why It Sabotages Relationships\">Blatant lying<\/a> \u2014 even when you have evidence against them<\/li>\n<li>Telling you what they want but then, when you do it, denying that they wanted you to<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>Sounds a lot <a href=\"https:\/\/liveboldandbloom.com\/03\/emotional-abuse\/gaslighter-messing-you\" title=\"Is A Gaslighter Messing With Your Head? 13 Tactic To Turn The Tables\" class=\"broken_link\">like gaslighting<\/a>, right?<\/p>\n<p>The goal is pretty much the same: to make you doubt your own perception of reality and to depend more on <a href=\"https:\/\/liveboldandbloom.com\/08\/emotional-abuse\/after-effects-emotional-abuse\">your abuser<\/a> than on your own senses, judgment, and intuition.<\/p>\n<p>The crazy-making abuser wants you to doubt yourself, so he\u2019ll tell you what he wants you to do, and then \u2014 when you do it \u2014 he\u2019ll use it against you:<\/p>\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li>Denying that he wanted you to do that<\/li>\n<li>Denying that he asked you to do anything, or<\/li>\n<li>Telling you that you didn\u2019t do it right or that you mistook what he said<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>In crazy-making relationships, the abuser keeps using these <a href=\"https:\/\/liveboldandbloom.com\/04\/emotional-abuse\/gaslighter-messing-you\">gaslighting tactics<\/a> to make the abused feel small, stupid, incompetent, and crazy.<\/p>\n<p>The goal is complete dependence on and deference to the abuser.<\/p>\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"1-8-crazy-making-behavior-signs\">8 Crazy-Making Behavior Signs<\/h2>\n<p>Watch out for the following signs of crazy-making behavior.<\/p>\n<p>I\u2019ll switch pronouns for each as a reminder of the fact that the abuser (as well as the abused) can be either male or female.<\/p>\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"2-1-they-ask-you-to-do-something-and-then-deny-they-asked\">1. They ask you to do something and then deny they asked.<\/h3>\n<p>The crazy maker might tell you he wants to spend time with you this weekend and \u201cDon\u2019t make any plans.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Then when the weekend comes and you ask what he has in mind, he\u2019ll tell you he already had plans to do something by himself or with others, and he never said otherwise.<\/p>\n<p>If you repeat the exact words he used, he\u2019ll deny them and tell you that you\u2019re making things up to guilt him into changing his plans.<\/p>\n<p>But of course, he won\u2019t change them no matter what plans you broke in order to be available to him.<\/p>\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"3-2-they-call-you-crazy-on-the-slightest-pretext\">2. They call you crazy on the slightest pretext.<\/h3>\n<p>It doesn\u2019t really matter what you do or say.<\/p>\n<p>You could tell the abuser you saw a particular tree, and she\u2019d say those trees don\u2019t grow in the area and you\u2019re mistaken if you thought you saw one.<\/p>\n<p>You could point out a specific constellation, and she\u2019d tell you that you were wrong and insist the constellation was actually thus and such, and you were clueless or crazy if you insisted otherwise.<\/p>\n<p>The crazy maker can use whatever comes out of your mouth as proof that you\u2019re stupid, ignorant, or crazy to weaken your confidence in your own judgment.<\/p>\n<p>The point is to make you doubt yourself and feel less confident that you know anything worth knowing.<\/p>\n<p>So, it\u2019s best to keep your mouth closed around her. Nothing good comes of trying to argue any point, even if you have proof to support your argument.<\/p>\n<p>Victims of crazy-making behavior learn to keep quiet rather than risk being made to feel stupid or crazy.<\/p>\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"4-3-they-make-decisions-without-you-and-claim-it-was-your-idea\">3. They make decisions without you and claim it was your idea.<\/h3>\n<p>You talked to your boyfriend about buying a new couch, and you swore you agreed upon a particular model.<\/p>\n<p>Then you come home to find that your boyfriend has ordered a completely different model that you don\u2019t even like.<\/p>\n<p>When you ask him to cancel the order and explain why he accuses you of changing <em>your <\/em>mind and insists you both agreed on the model he ordered.<\/p>\n<p>He might have planned to buy the model you originally agreed upon.<\/p>\n<p>But after visiting the store and <a href=\"https:\/\/liveboldandbloom.com\/09\/relationships\/husband-not-in-love\">flirting with another woman<\/a> \u2014 who expressed her preference for another couch \u2014 ultimately ordered<em> that <\/em>one, hoping to one day impress the other women with it.<\/p>\n<p>After all, you\u2019re just a placeholder until he finds someone better.<\/p>\n<p>But in the meantime, he\u2019ll keep you off-balance and under his control.<\/p>\n<p>And he\u2019ll do everything he can to make you doubt every decision you make.<\/p>\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"5-4-they-criticize-your-decisions-and-belittle-you-for-them\">4. They criticize your decisions and belittle you for them.<\/h3>\n<p>Your girlfriend is quick to criticize every decision you make and to belittle you for them until you change that decision to suit her.<\/p>\n<p>And if you do, she\u2019ll probably change her mind and insist she had nothing to do with your change of decision.<\/p>\n<p>Every decision you make is fair game because it gives her an opportunity to sabotage your <a href=\"https:\/\/liveboldandbloom.com\/03\/self-confidence\/confidence-building-activities\">confidence<\/a> and make you feel ashamed for having decided on something without conferring with her first.<\/p>\n<p>But even when you <em>do <\/em>talk to her before making a decision, she\u2019ll deny having agreed to it, or she\u2019ll insist that you mistook what she said.<\/p>\n<p>And you\u2019re crazy if you expect her to be pleased by the decision.<\/p>\n<p>The only decisions she doesn\u2019t criticize are her own.<\/p>\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"6-5-they-turn-everything-you-do-into-an-attack-on-them\">5. They turn everything you do into an attack on them.<\/h3>\n<p>He\u2019ll start a fight over anything. Because everything you say and do \u2014 even if it\u2019s something he said he <em>wanted<\/em> you to do \u2014 is proof that you\u2019re crazy, stupid, and selfish.<\/p>\n<p>If you buy a new outfit or something that makes you smile, he attacks you for being selfish and thoughtless, even if he spent more money on something for himself.<\/p>\n<p>If you say you\u2019d like to spend more time together, he attacks you for using guilt to manipulate him into changing his plans to suit you.<\/p>\n<p>He might also tell you he already told you what his plans were (even if he didn\u2019t), and you just never remember what matters to him.<\/p>\n<p>Because you\u2019re selfish, and you can\u2019t count on your memory for anything.<\/p>\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"7-6-they-use-shame-to-manipulate-you-into-feeling-as-though-you%E2%80%99ve-wronged-them\">6. They use shame to manipulate you into feeling as though you\u2019ve wronged them.<\/h3>\n<p>You tell your girlfriend you\u2019ve just been called in to interview for a job you\u2019ve wanted for months.<\/p>\n<p>She goes nuclear \u2014 accusing you of putting your career ahead of your relationship and <a href=\"https:\/\/liveboldandbloom.com\/06\/self-confidence\/8-strategies-for-overcoming-shame\">shaming you<\/a> for accepting the interview invitation.<\/p>\n<p>She insists it\u2019s scheduled for a time when she wanted to go out together and do something.<\/p>\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator has-css-opacity\"\/>\n<p><strong>Related: <a class=\"yoast-link-suggestion__value\" href=\"https:\/\/liveboldandbloom.com\/05\/relationships\/unhealthy-relationships\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">22 Signs of an Unhealthy Relationship<\/a><\/strong><\/p>\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator has-css-opacity\"\/>\n<p>It doesn\u2019t matter if she never told you of her plans. She\u2019ll swear that either she told you and you forgot (again!) or that she was trying to surprise you, and you ruined everything (again!).<\/p>\n<p>And if she succeeds in shaming you into canceling the interview, she\u2019ll make other plans for that time \u2014 plans that don\u2019t involve you.<\/p>\n<p>She&#8217;ll tell you that you\u2019re crazy for expecting her to stay available to you when you clearly care more about your career.<\/p>\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"8-7-they-expect-you-to-do-what-they-want-all-the-time\">7. They expect you to do what they want all the time.<\/h3>\n<p>In other words, \u201cRead my mind, and do what <em>I<\/em> want or what <em>I <\/em>think is best.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>But if you try to do what your abuser would do, the crazy maker will turn on you for whatever you did in their name.<\/p>\n<p>\u00a0Everything you do is fodder for criticism.<\/p>\n<p>You can\u2019t do enough for them, and what you do is done wrong, done too late, or done with the wrong attitude.<\/p>\n<p>And even if you do exactly what you know your abuser wants you to do, they\u2019ll either deny they wanted you to or they\u2019ll act as though you misread them and that you \u201cjust don\u2019t get it.\u201d<\/p>\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"9-8-whatever-you-call-it-it%E2%80%99s-abuse\">8. Whatever you call it, it\u2019s abuse.<\/h3>\n<p>Whether you describe your abuser\u2019s tactics as crazy-making, gaslighting, or <a href=\"https:\/\/liveboldandbloom.com\/09\/relationships\/narcissim-relationships\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">narcissistic behavior<\/a>, it all falls under the umbrella of abuse.<\/p>\n<p>The goal is the same, even if the behavior looks different from one abuser to the next.<\/p>\n<p>The lingering effects are damaged self-confidence, lower self-esteem, and a compromised ability to trust others.<\/p>\n<p>Living with a crazy-making abuser makes it harder to believe in the existence of unconditional or selfless love.<\/p>\n<p>It makes you feel more alone, so you\u2019re less likely to break free because the abuser has convinced you that you\u2019re helpless without them.<\/p>\n<p>Maybe you didn\u2019t know \u2014 before this relationship \u2014 how unreliable your mind was, but now that you \u201cknow,\u201d you feel ill-equipped to start fresh on your own.<\/p>\n<p>The lingering question becomes <em>\u201cWhat if they\u2019re right <a class=\"wpil_keyword_link\" href=\"https:\/\/liveboldandbloom.com\/06\/writing\/about-me-questions\" title=\"about me\" data-wpil-keyword-link=\"linked\">about me<\/a>?\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n<p>So, you need to be around <a href=\"https:\/\/liveboldandbloom.com\/07\/self-confidence\/teach-people-how-treat-you\" title=\"The 9 Best Ways To Teach People How To Treat You\">people who don\u2019t treat you the way<\/a> the abuser does.<\/p>\n<p>You need to spend time around people who love you as you are and who build you up.<\/p>\n<p>Never for a second think you deserve the abuse and don\u2019t let the abuser take any more of your life than he or she already has.<\/p>\n<p>You have a right to want to be with someone who doesn\u2019t make you feel small, stupid, or crazy.<\/p>\n<p>May your courage, compassion, and resilience influence everything you do today.<\/p>\n<\/p><\/div>\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/hop.clickbank.net\/?affiliate=infohatch&amp;vendor=J1R2C\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"size-full wp-image-10614 aligncenter\" src=\"http:\/\/parmaks.com\/Resources\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/profit-gen400px.png\" alt=\"Profit Gen\" width=\"400\" height=\"217\" srcset=\"http:\/\/parmaks.com\/Resources\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/profit-gen400px.png 400w, http:\/\/parmaks.com\/Resources\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/profit-gen400px-300x163.png 300w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 400px) 100vw, 400px\" \/><\/a><br \/><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>You\u2019re in a relationship with someone who makes you feel off balance and disconnected from reality \u2014 as well as from the people you used [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":10940,"comment_status":"","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[19],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-10939","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-habits"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/parmaks.com\/Resources\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/10939","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/parmaks.com\/Resources\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/parmaks.com\/Resources\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/parmaks.com\/Resources\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/parmaks.com\/Resources\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=10939"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"http:\/\/parmaks.com\/Resources\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/10939\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/parmaks.com\/Resources\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/10940"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/parmaks.com\/Resources\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=10939"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/parmaks.com\/Resources\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=10939"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/parmaks.com\/Resources\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=10939"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}