{"id":3616,"date":"2023-08-05T07:17:30","date_gmt":"2023-08-05T11:17:30","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/parmaks.com\/Resources\/how-regret-can-make-us-happier\/"},"modified":"2023-08-05T07:17:30","modified_gmt":"2023-08-05T11:17:30","slug":"how-regret-can-make-us-happier","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/parmaks.com\/Resources\/how-regret-can-make-us-happier\/","title":{"rendered":"How Regret Can Make Us Happier"},"content":{"rendered":"<p> <a href=\"https:\/\/hop.clickbank.net\/?affiliate=infohatch&amp;vendor=J1R2C\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"size-full wp-image-10614 aligncenter\" src=\"http:\/\/parmaks.com\/Resources\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/profit-gen400px.png\" alt=\"Profit Gen\" width=\"400\" height=\"217\" srcset=\"http:\/\/parmaks.com\/Resources\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/profit-gen400px.png 400w, http:\/\/parmaks.com\/Resources\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/profit-gen400px-300x163.png 300w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 400px) 100vw, 400px\" \/><\/a><br \/>\n<\/p>\n<div>\n<p>Do you have any regrets? I sure do.<\/p>\n<p>We feel regret when we feel sad, disappointed, or repentant about something we did or didn\u2019t do in the past.<\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Regret is a painful emotion, but because it is painful, it can spur us to identify opportunities for greater happiness. <\/span><\/p>\n<p>For instance, in college I didn\u2019t pursue any extracurricular activities, and by senior year, I regretted it. This regret was painful, but it meant that when I got to law school, I pushed myself hard to get involved in activities\u2014which ended up making me very happy.<\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Often, we feel the most intense regret when there\u2019s still time to change, so by admitting to feelings of regret, we may find opportunities for growth.<\/span><\/p>\n<p>Regret can make us happier by helping us make better decisions:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li><strong>by reflecting on past regret<\/strong>, we can learn how to do better moving forward<\/li>\n<li><strong>by anticipating future regret<\/strong>, we can make better choices in the present<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><br \/>We can learn from our own regrets, and also others\u2019 regrets. For instance, someone told me, \u201cI regret not having more professional photos taken of my family when my children were young,\u201d and once my daughters were born, I\u2019ve made sure to get professional photos taken regularly. <\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">In the <a href=\"https:\/\/gretchenrubin.com\/podcast\/440-very-special-episode-we-talk-about-regret-our-own-regrets-and-listeners-regrets\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">Very Special Episode 440<\/a>\u00a0of the <\/span><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Happier with Gretchen Rubin<\/span><\/i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> podcast, my sister Elizabeth and I shared some of our own regrets, and we asked listeners about their regrets. It was absolutely fascinating to see the range of actions and inactions that people discussed.<br \/><\/span><\/p>\n<p>Also, we heard from some listeners who didn\u2019t like to use the term \u201cregret.\u201d They preferred to think of the subjects as \u201clessons learned\u201d or \u201cthings I learned the hard way.\u201d<\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Some themes that emerged:<\/span><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><b>Regret over missed opportunities<\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">: Not pursuing relationships, not taking a job, not finishing college, not stepping out of their comfort zone.<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><b>Regret over not expressing feelings or communicating effectively<\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">: Not talking to loved ones before they died, not addressing mental health issues sooner.<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><b>Regret over parenting decisions<\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">: Not spending enough time with their children, feeling too influenced by their spouse in bringing up their child.<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><b>Regret over trusting or caring about the wrong opinions<\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">.<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><br \/>In his thought-provoking book, <\/span><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><a href=\"https:\/\/amzn.to\/3Ygj6oi\">The Power of Regret<\/a><\/span><\/i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">, Dan Pink <\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">points out that regret falls into two categories:<\/span><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li><strong>Regrets of <i>action<\/i><\/strong><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> (losing your temper) <\/span><\/li>\n<li><strong>Regrets of <i>inaction<\/i><\/strong><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> (didn\u2019t work harder in college)<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><br \/>He explains that we tend to have more regrets related to inaction. <\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">I\u2019m reminded of one of my favorite traditional proverbs: <strong>\u201cIt is more painful to do nothing, than to do something.\u201d<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n<p><strong>Knowing what you know now, what would you have done differently?<\/strong> On the podcast, Elizabeth talked about how she wished she\u2019d volunteered for more school committees when her son was in grade school. This regret reflects her desire to be very involved in their school community\u2014a realization that could shape her actions in the future.<\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><strong>Is there silver lining? <\/strong>You regret something, but it also made a positive difference in your life. \u201cI regret my bad marriage, but I have my children.\u201d <\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><strong>What important lessons have you learned from a challenging situation?<\/strong> A friend regretted taking a job where she had to do a lot of pointless, time-wasting tasks, but, she told me, \u201cI learned a lot about what makes a workplace productive or not.\u201d<br \/><\/span><\/p>\n<p><strong>What\u2019s the best possible outcome? The worst?<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><strong>Do you feel like other people or processes are moving events forward, and you\u2019re just passively carried along?<\/strong> Regret may come from not mindfully making a choice\u2014and <a href=\"https:\/\/gretchenrubin.com\/articles\/quiz-are-you-drifting-2\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">not choosing is a choice<\/a>.<br \/><\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><strong>Is there something you\u2019ve always wanted to do, but haven\u2019t yet?<\/strong> For instance, you want to live in a different city or switch careers. At a certain point, often, change becomes harder. To put it another way\u2026<br \/><\/span><\/p>\n<p><strong>Imagine yourself five years from now, looking back on this time.\u00a0 What will your future-self wish you\u2019d done now?<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><strong>What do you lie about?<\/strong> When we lie about or hide something, we often reveal the way in which our life doesn\u2019t reflect our values.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><strong>Is your life \u201con hold\u201d in any aspect?<\/strong> Until you finish your thesis, get married, get a promotion? If so, ask yourself whether you really need to wait, or whether you can move forward now.<br \/><\/span><\/p>\n<p><strong>What action will help you to \u201c<a href=\"https:\/\/gretchenrubin.com\/podcast\/27-choose-the-bigger-life\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">Choose the bigger life?<\/a>\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>We can use tools for self-reflection to help us recognize patterns, organize our thoughts, and get perspective. Depending on what approach you prefer to take, consider:<\/p>\n<p>While we may want to avoid the sharp, poignant pain of regret, acknowledging this emotion can help us to make our lives happier. What lessons have you learned the hard way, and how will those lessons influence your future behavior? I\u2019d be fascinated to hear your experiences.<\/p>\n<\/p><\/div>\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/hop.clickbank.net\/?affiliate=infohatch&amp;vendor=J1R2C\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"size-full wp-image-10614 aligncenter\" src=\"http:\/\/parmaks.com\/Resources\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/profit-gen400px.png\" alt=\"Profit Gen\" width=\"400\" height=\"217\" srcset=\"http:\/\/parmaks.com\/Resources\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/profit-gen400px.png 400w, http:\/\/parmaks.com\/Resources\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/profit-gen400px-300x163.png 300w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 400px) 100vw, 400px\" \/><\/a><br \/><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Do you have any regrets? I sure do. We feel regret when we feel sad, disappointed, or repentant about something we did or didn\u2019t do [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":3617,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[19],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-3616","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-habits"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/parmaks.com\/Resources\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3616","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/parmaks.com\/Resources\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/parmaks.com\/Resources\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/parmaks.com\/Resources\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/parmaks.com\/Resources\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=3616"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"http:\/\/parmaks.com\/Resources\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3616\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/parmaks.com\/Resources\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/3617"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/parmaks.com\/Resources\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=3616"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/parmaks.com\/Resources\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=3616"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/parmaks.com\/Resources\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=3616"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}