{"id":7449,"date":"2024-05-09T01:29:25","date_gmt":"2024-05-09T05:29:25","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/parmaks.com\/Resources\/how-to-be-happier-16-tips-for-being-a-more-lighthearted-parent\/"},"modified":"2024-05-09T01:29:25","modified_gmt":"2024-05-09T05:29:25","slug":"how-to-be-happier-16-tips-for-being-a-more-lighthearted-parent","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/parmaks.com\/Resources\/how-to-be-happier-16-tips-for-being-a-more-lighthearted-parent\/","title":{"rendered":"How to Be Happier: 16 Tips for Being a More Lighthearted Parent."},"content":{"rendered":"

\"Profit<\/a>
\n<\/p>\n

\n

One of my Twelve Commandments is \u201cLighten up,\u201d and I have a lot of resolutions aimed at trying to be a more lighthearted parent: less nagging, more laughing. We all want a peaceful, cheerful, even joyous, atmosphere at home\u2014but we can\u2019t nag and yell our way to get there.<\/p>\n

Tips for Young Children:<\/strong><\/h3>\n

Here are suggestions I followed when my children were younger (and most of them I still try to follow, even now):<\/p>\n

1.<\/strong> At least once a day, make each child helpless with laughter<\/strong>.<\/p>\n

2.<\/strong> Sing in the morning<\/strong>. It\u2019s hard both to sing and to maintain a grouchy mood, and it sets a happy tone for everyone\u2014particularly in my case, because I\u2019m tone deaf and my audience finds my singing a source of great hilarity.<\/p>\n

3.<\/strong> Get enough sleep yourself.<\/strong> It\u2019s so tempting to stay up late, to enjoy the peace and quiet. But morning comes fast. Along the same lines\u2026<\/p>\n

4. Wake up before your kids<\/strong>. That means I can get myself organized, check my email, \u00a0and get some work done before they get up.<\/p>\n

5.<\/strong> Most messages to kids are negative: \u201cstop,\u201d \u201cdon\u2019t,\u201d \u201cno.\u201d So I try to cast my answers as \u201cyes.\u201d<\/strong> \u201cYes, we\u2019ll go as soon as you\u2019ve finished eating,\u201d not \u201cWe\u2019re not leaving until you\u2019ve finished eating.\u201d<\/p>\n

6.<\/strong> Look for little ways to celebrate<\/strong>. My \u201choliday breakfasts\u201d and April\u2019s Fool Day pranks are a big source of happiness. They\u2019re quick, fun, and everyone gets a big kick out of them.<\/p>\n

7.<\/strong> Repetition works<\/strong>. A friend told me he was yelling at his kids too much, so he distilled all rules of behavior into four key phrases: \u201cKeep your hands to yourself\u201d; \u201cAnswer the first time you\u2019re asked\u201d; \u201cAsk first\u201d; and \u201cStay with us\u201d (his kids tended to bolt). I often use school mantras: \u201cSit square in your chair;\u201d \u201cAccidents will happen,\u201d \u201cYou get what you get, and you don\u2019t get upset\u201d (i.e., when cupcakes are handed out, you don\u2019t keep trying to switch).<\/p>\n

8. Say \u201cno\u201d only when it really matters<\/strong>. Wear a bright red shirt with bright orange shorts? Sure. Sleep with your head at the foot of the bed? Fine. Samuel Johnson said, \u201cAll severity that does not tend to increase good, or prevent evil, is idle.\u201d<\/p>\n

9.<\/strong> When I find myself thinking, \u201cYippee, soon we won\u2019t have to deal with all these Legos,\u201d I remind myself how fleeting this is<\/strong>. The days are long, but the years are short<\/a>.<\/p>\n

Tips for teenagers<\/h3>\n

Once my children became teenagers, I added more items to my list for lighthearted parenting:<\/p>\n

10.<\/strong> Try to join one of their enthusiasms<\/strong>. If they love a TV show, watch it. If they love a sports team, follow it. If they love a type of music, listen to it. It will give you a shared interest\u2014and show that you respect their opinion. I\u2019ve watched New Girl<\/em>\u00a0and\u00a0Claim to Fame<\/em>\u00a0because my daughters love those shows.<\/p>\n

11.<\/strong> To reduce conflict, as much as possible, let them arrange their personal space to suit themselves<\/strong>, with whatever decorations or level of messiness they want. I\u2019m a simplicity-lover, and my younger daughter is such an abundance-lover that it stresses me out. Oh, well!<\/p>\n

12.<\/strong> Find the humor in situations as much as possible<\/strong>. (Which includes being willing to laugh at myself.)<\/p>\n

13.<\/strong> Figure out whether your child is an Obliger, Questioner, Upholder, or a Rebe<\/strong>l, and adapt your parenting style accordingly. Read more about the \u201cFour Tendencies\u201d personality framework here<\/a>. If you want suggestions about how to apply the framework as a parent, look here<\/a>.<\/p>\n

14.<\/strong> Don\u2019t take on the horrible job of rousting a teenager out of bed<\/strong> in the morning. Use technology or some other system.<\/p>\n

15.<\/strong> Be quick to point out a child\u2019s strengths and gifts<\/strong>. \u201cYou\u2019re so resourceful,\u201d \u201cYou have such an original imagination,\u201d \u201cI wish I had your ability to remember names and faces.\u201d<\/p>\n

16.<\/strong> Say hello and good-bye with genuine attention and warmth<\/strong>, and if possible, add a hug or some kind of physical touch. I\u2019ve found that this is such a quick, easy way to add more tenderness and attentiveness to the atmosphere of my home.<\/p>\n

Have you found any good strategies to cut back on the shouting and to add moments of laughing, singing, and saying \u201cyes\u201d?<\/h4>\n

Updated May, 2024. <\/em>Originally published April, 2009 on <\/span><\/i>The Happiness Project Blog.<\/span><\/p>\n<\/p><\/div>\n

\"Profit<\/a>
<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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