{"id":10157,"date":"2025-03-01T15:02:51","date_gmt":"2025-03-01T19:02:51","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/parmaks.com\/Resources\/key-differences-best-approach\/"},"modified":"2025-03-01T15:02:51","modified_gmt":"2025-03-01T19:02:51","slug":"key-differences-best-approach","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/parmaks.com\/Resources\/key-differences-best-approach\/","title":{"rendered":"Key Differences & Best Approach"},"content":{"rendered":"

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Are you the \u201cDo your homework now, or no playing at all<\/em>\u201d kind of parent? Or are you the \u201cFinish your homework first, then you can play<\/em>\u201d type?<\/p>\n

There\u2019s a great difference between authoritative vs. authoritarian parenting<\/strong>. One firm, yet warm. And the other is more of a no-negotiation approach.<\/p>\n

\u201cWe parents, we have this unbelievable quality of loving these children, where our love knows no bounds, where our love for our children is unparalleled<\/em>,\u201d says Dr. Shefali Tsabary<\/strong>, a clinical psychologist, in her Conscious Parenting Mastery<\/em><\/strong> program on Mindvalley. \u201cWe know that this love also brings with it great anxiety, stress, and heartache<\/em>.\u201d<\/p>\n

Love alone doesn\u2019t shape a child, but how you express it does. The question isn\u2019t whether you love your child, but whether your parenting style helps them thrive or just keeps them in line.<\/p>\n

Authoritative vs. authoritarian parenting\u2014what\u2019re the differences?<\/h2>\n

All parents set rules, but how they enforce them influences the kind of human that is being raised. Some lead with guidance, others with control.<\/p>\n

According to the Baumrind parenting styles<\/a>, there are four main approaches\u2014authoritarian and authoritative being on that list. Here\u2019s a side-by-side comparison of the two:<\/p>\n

\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n
Impact<\/strong><\/td>\nAuthoritative parenting<\/strong><\/td>\nAuthoritarian parenting<\/strong><\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
Self-esteem<\/td>\nHigh, confident<\/td>\nLow, full of self-doubt<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
Emotional intelligence<\/td>\nExpresses emotions well<\/td>\nSurpresses emotions<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
Decision-making<\/td>\nThinks independently<\/td>\nHesitates, seeks approval<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
Response to authority<\/td>\nRespects rules, understands why<\/td>\nObeys out of fear<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
Resilience<\/td>\nAdapts, problem-solves<\/td>\nStruggles with failure<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
Relationships<\/td>\nBuilds trust, communicates well<\/td>\nStruggles with trust<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
Independence<\/td>\nEncouraged, self-sufficient<\/td>\nRestricted, follows blindly<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
Behavior<\/td>\nBalanced, self-disciplined<\/td>\nEither overly obedient or rebellious<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n<\/tbody>\n<\/table>\n<\/figure>\n

While both demand respect, one builds trust while the other enforces fear. So, which one are you?<\/p>\n

What is authoritative parenting?<\/h3>\n

Authoritative parenting is firm but fair. It sets clear rules, but instead of barking orders, it teaches kids why<\/em> those rules exist.<\/p>\n

The word \u201cauthoritative\u201d means commanding respect while being knowledgeable and fair. So the parent who follows this style might say, \u201cI expect you to be home by 9 PM. If you\u2019re running late, call me so I know you\u2019re safe.<\/em>\u201d<\/p>\n

This approach fosters confidence, problem-solving, and emotional regulation. In fact, research shows this parenting style boosts academic achievement by building confidence and a strong drive to succeed<\/a>.<\/p>\n

Unlike the permissive approach, which lacks structure, or authoritarian discipline, which demands blind obedience, authoritative parents use conscious discipline to guide rather than dictate<\/strong>. It balances structure with the emotional attunement of attachment parenting, aligning closely with Dr. Shefali\u2019s conscious parenting<\/a> approach.<\/p>\n

\u201cOur children didn\u2019t come into the world to be our puppets<\/em>,\u201d she explains. \u201cThey came here to struggle, fumble, thrive, and enjoy\u2014a journey for which they need our encouragement<\/em>.\u201d<\/p>\n

That\u2019s the very essence of authoritative parenting. It\u2019s like Bridgerton<\/em>\u2019s Violet Bridgerton. Or To Kill a Mockingbird<\/em>\u2019s Atticus Finch. Their discipline comes with warmth, and expectations come with support.<\/p>\n

Ultimately, these two characters provide boundaries while allowing room for autonomy. This helps children respect rules since they\u2019re able to understand the reasons behind them.<\/p>\n

What is authoritarian parenting?<\/h3>\n

Authoritarian parenting is all about parenting control. Rules are strict. Expectations are non-negotiable. Questioning authority isn\u2019t an option. And discipline? It\u2019s enforced.<\/p>\n

Coined by psychologist Diana Baumrind<\/a> (known for the Baumrind parenting styles framework), it mirrors authoritarian rule\u2014a system where absolute authority is enforced without question. The word itself comes from authority<\/em>, but in this context, it means strict control with little to no flexibility.<\/p>\n

A parent who follows this style might say, \u201cBe home by 9 PM or you lose your phone privileges for a week.<\/em>\u201d There\u2019s no discussion, only obedience.<\/p>\n

While this approach can create well-behaved children in the short term, it often comes at a cost. Research shows that kids with authoritarian parents often struggle with anxiety, low self-esteem, and trouble making their own decisions<\/a>.<\/p>\n

Eleanor Young from Crazy Rich Asians<\/em> or Captain Von Trapp from Sound of Music<\/em> (before Maria loosened him up) both held an unshakable devotion to order. They enforced strict expectations, demanded obedience, and prioritized tradition over emotional connection.<\/p>\n

It\u2019s the essence of the traditional parent. According to Dr. Shefali, this style \u201clooks at the child as the object of the focus<\/em>.\u201d When a child misbehaves, the parent focuses on fixing the child rather than understanding the root cause.<\/p>\n

Worse still, they micromanage, obsess, shield, and equate success with achievement. \u201cWe mistakenly believe<\/em>,\u201d Dr. Shefali adds, \u201cthat this is the way we were meant to be good parents<\/em>.\u201d<\/p>\n

This style may produce disciplined children, but without trust or communication<\/strong>, it can also create fear and resentment<\/strong>.<\/p>\n

Authoritative vs. authoritarian parenting examples<\/h3>\n

The difference between these two parenting styles isn\u2019t always loud or obvious. Sometimes, it\u2019s hidden in the smallest interactions\u2014the kind that leave a lasting impact.<\/p>\n

Here\u2019s a closer look at authoritative vs. authoritarian parenting examples in different scenarios.<\/p>\n

Example 1: Handling a tantrum<\/strong><\/p>\n