{"id":10191,"date":"2025-03-06T15:24:56","date_gmt":"2025-03-06T19:24:56","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/parmaks.com\/Resources\/terry-real-breaking-the-rules-of-traditional-couples-therapy-for-superior-results-a-few-frameworks-that-work-798\/"},"modified":"2025-03-06T15:24:56","modified_gmt":"2025-03-06T19:24:56","slug":"terry-real-breaking-the-rules-of-traditional-couples-therapy-for-superior-results-a-few-frameworks-that-work-798","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/parmaks.com\/Resources\/terry-real-breaking-the-rules-of-traditional-couples-therapy-for-superior-results-a-few-frameworks-that-work-798\/","title":{"rendered":"Terry Real &#8211; Breaking the Rules of Traditional Couples Therapy for Superior Results, A Few Frameworks That Work (#798)"},"content":{"rendered":"<p> <a href=\"https:\/\/hop.clickbank.net\/?affiliate=infohatch&amp;vendor=J1R2C\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"size-full wp-image-10614 aligncenter\" src=\"http:\/\/parmaks.com\/Resources\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/profit-gen400px.png\" alt=\"Profit Gen\" width=\"400\" height=\"217\" srcset=\"https:\/\/parmaks.com\/Resources\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/profit-gen400px.png 400w, https:\/\/parmaks.com\/Resources\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/profit-gen400px-300x163.png 300w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 400px) 100vw, 400px\" \/><\/a><br \/>\n<\/p>\n<div>\n<p>For this episode, I\u2019m doing something a bit different. I\u2019m featuring five chapters from the audiobook<strong>\u00a0<\/strong><a href=\"https:\/\/www.amazon.com\/Fierce-Intimacy-Terry-Real-audiobook\/dp\/B07FXXFDLL\/?tag=offsitoftimfe-20\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\" target=\"_blank\"><strong><em>Fierce Intimacy<\/em><\/strong><\/a><strong>\u00a0<\/strong>by\u00a0<a href=\"https:\/\/terryreal.com\/\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\" target=\"_blank\">Terry Real<\/a>.<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>What you will hear in this episode will help you identify both your and your partner\u2019s losing strategies in relationships, and help you move from disharmony to repair. Terry is the creator of Relational Life Therapy, or RLT, which underpins all his books, courses, and teachings and equips people with the powerful relational skills they need to make love work.\u00a0He is also the author of five books, including the\u00a0<em>New York Times<\/em>\u00a0bestseller\u00a0<a href=\"https:\/\/www.amazon.com\/Us-Getting-Build-Loving-Relationship\/dp\/B09BBN9LGW\/?tag=offsitoftimfe-20\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\" target=\"_blank\"><strong><em>Us: Getting Past You and Me to Build a More Loving Relationship<\/em><\/strong><\/a><strong>.\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>And if you\u2019d like an extra dose of calm, I recommend checking out Henry Shukman, a past podcast guest and one of only a few dozen masters in the world authorized to teach Sanbo Zen.\u00a0Henry\u2019s app,\u00a0<a href=\"http:\/\/thewayapp.com\/tim\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\" target=\"_blank\"><strong>The Way<\/strong><\/a>, has changed my life. I\u2019ve been using it daily, often twice a day, and it\u2019s lowered my anxiety more than I thought possible.\u00a0<a href=\"http:\/\/thewayapp.com\/tim\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\" target=\"_blank\">For 30 free sessions, just visit thewayapp.com\/tim<\/a>. No credit card required.<\/p>\n<p><em>Excerpted from\u00a0<\/em><a href=\"https:\/\/www.amazon.com\/Fierce-Intimacy-Terry-Real-audiobook\/dp\/B07FXXFDLL\/?tag=offsitoftimfe-20\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\" target=\"_blank\"><strong><em>Fierce Intimacy: Standing Up to One Another with LOVE<\/em><\/strong><\/a><em>\u00a0by Terry Real (Sounds True, 2018.). Used with permission.<\/em><\/p>\n<p>Please enjoy!<\/p>\n<p><strong>Listen to the episode on\u00a0<a href=\"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/798-terry-real-relationship-coach-tools-and-practices\/id863897795?i=1000697961370\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">Apple Podcasts<\/a>,\u00a0<a href=\"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/episode\/697zB3voYsKNwE2mwuFf6u?si=zjhI4CEjTceqHZLp8VYy3A\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">Spotify<\/a>,\u00a0<a href=\"https:\/\/overcast.fm\/+AAKebtN-Qnc\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">Overcast<\/a>,\u00a0<a href=\"https:\/\/podcastaddict.com\/podcast\/2031148#\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">Podcast Addict<\/a>,\u00a0<a href=\"https:\/\/pca.st\/timferriss\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">Pocket Casts<\/a>,\u00a0<a href=\"https:\/\/castbox.fm\/channel\/id1059468?country=us\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">Castbox<\/a>,\u00a0<a target=\"_blank\" href=\"https:\/\/music.youtube.com\/playlist?list=PLuu6fDad2eJyWPm9dQfuorm2uuYHBZDCB\">YouTube Music<\/a>,\u00a0<a href=\"https:\/\/music.amazon.com\/podcasts\/9814f3cc-1dc5-4003-b816-44a8eb6bf666\/the-tim-ferriss-show\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">Amazon Music<\/a>,\u00a0<a href=\"https:\/\/www.audible.com\/podcast\/The-Tim-Ferriss-Show\/B08K58QX5W\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">Audible<\/a>, or on your favorite podcast platform. <\/strong><\/p>\n<div class=\"wp-block-tim-podcast-link-main podcast-block wp-embed-aspect-16-9 wp-has-aspect-ratio\"><a class=\"podcast-block__link\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\" href=\"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/798-terry-real-relationship-coach-tools-and-practices\/id863897795?i=1000697961370\"><img data-recalc-dims=\"1\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"podcast-block__link-icon\" src=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/tim.blog\/wp-content\/themes\/timferriss\/inc\/blocks\/podcast-link\/images\/apple-podcast.png?w=600&amp;ssl=1\"\/><noscript><img data-recalc-dims=\"1\" decoding=\"async\" src=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/tim.blog\/wp-content\/themes\/timferriss\/inc\/blocks\/podcast-link\/images\/apple-podcast.png?w=600&amp;ssl=1\" class=\"podcast-block__link-icon\"\/><\/noscript><span class=\"podcast-block__link-text-top\">Listen on<\/span><span class=\"podcast-block__link-text\">Apple Podcasts<\/span><\/a><\/div>\n<div class=\"wp-block-tim-podcast-link-main podcast-block wp-embed-aspect-16-9 wp-has-aspect-ratio\"><a class=\"podcast-block__link\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\" href=\"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/episode\/697zB3voYsKNwE2mwuFf6u?si=zjhI4CEjTceqHZLp8VYy3A\"><img loading=\"lazy\" width=\"167\" height=\"167\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"podcast-block__link-icon\" src=\"https:\/\/tim.blog\/wp-content\/themes\/timferriss\/inc\/blocks\/podcast-link\/images\/spotify.svg\"\/><noscript><img loading=\"lazy\" width=\"167\" height=\"167\" decoding=\"async\" src=\"https:\/\/tim.blog\/wp-content\/themes\/timferriss\/inc\/blocks\/podcast-link\/images\/spotify.svg\" class=\"podcast-block__link-icon\"\/><\/noscript><span class=\"podcast-block__link-text-top\">Listen on<\/span><span class=\"podcast-block__link-text\">Spotify<\/span><\/a><\/div>\n<div class=\"wp-block-tim-podcast-link-main podcast-block wp-embed-aspect-16-9 wp-has-aspect-ratio\"><a class=\"podcast-block__link\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\" href=\"https:\/\/overcast.fm\/+AAKebtN-Qnc\"><img loading=\"lazy\" width=\"1000\" height=\"1000\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"podcast-block__link-icon\" src=\"https:\/\/tim.blog\/wp-content\/themes\/timferriss\/inc\/blocks\/podcast-link\/images\/overcast.svg\"\/><noscript><img loading=\"lazy\" width=\"1000\" height=\"1000\" decoding=\"async\" src=\"https:\/\/tim.blog\/wp-content\/themes\/timferriss\/inc\/blocks\/podcast-link\/images\/overcast.svg\" class=\"podcast-block__link-icon\"\/><\/noscript><span class=\"podcast-block__link-text-top\">Listen on<\/span><span class=\"podcast-block__link-text\">Overcast<\/span><\/a><\/div>\n<div class=\"podcast-player\">\n<div class=\"podcast-player-inner-wrap\">\n<p>Terry Real &#8211; Breaking the Rules of Traditional Couples Therapy for Superior Results, A Few Frameworks That Work<\/p>\n<p><noscript><iframe src=\"https:\/\/www.art19.com\/shows\/58dacbdc-646e-4585-9914-19c3de11d1ba\/episodes\/d6f97869-4019-4cde-98d0-0c8f42c3a221\/embed?type=micro\" style=\"width: 100%; height: 30px; border: 0 none;\" scrolling=\"no\"><\/iframe><\/noscript><\/div>\n<\/div>\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator has-alpha-channel-opacity\"\/>\n<p><strong><a href=\"https:\/\/tim.blog\/2020\/04\/02\/esther-perel-relationships-in-quarantine\/\">Want to hear another podcast episode that deals with overcoming relationship obstacles?<\/a><\/strong> Listen to my conversation with psychotherapist and <em>New York Times<\/em> bestselling author <a href=\"https:\/\/tim.blog\/2020\/04\/02\/esther-perel-relationships-in-quarantine\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\"><strong>Esther Perel<\/strong><\/a> in which we discussed the challenges of therapizing couples in pandemic quarantine, the rewards of reframing our self-image, maintaining connection in long-distance relationships, coping with loneliness, the importance of maintaining personal rituals during trying times, <a href=\"https:\/\/tim.blog\/2020\/04\/02\/esther-perel-relationships-in-quarantine\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">and much more<\/a>.<\/p>\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator has-alpha-channel-opacity\"\/>\n<p><strong>What was your favorite quote or lesson from this episode? Please let me know <a href=\"https:\/\/tim.blog\/2025\/03\/06\/terry-real-relationship-coach\/#respond\">in the comments<\/a>.<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><span id=\"more-108722\"\/><\/p>\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\">SELECTED LINKS FROM THE EPISODE<\/h3>\n<p class=\"has-text-align-center\"><a href=\"https:\/\/terryreal.com\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">Website<\/a><\/p>\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\">SHOW NOTES<\/h3>\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li>[00:03:11] Harmony, disharmony, and repair: The rhythm of all intimate human relationships.<\/li>\n<li>[00:06:27] Harmony: Love without knowledge.<\/li>\n<li>[00:07:01] Disharmony: Knowledge without love.<\/li>\n<li>[00:10:01] Repair: Knowing love.<\/li>\n<li>[00:10:35] Stay or go? A relational reckoning.<\/li>\n<li>[00:12:04] Five losing strategies for getting from disharmony to repair.<\/li>\n<li>[00:13:21] Being right: Objective reality has no place in personal relationships.<\/li>\n<li>[00:16:35] Trying to control your partner: No one likes being controlled.<\/li>\n<li>[00:21:35] Unbridled self-expression: The barf bag approach to intimacy.<\/li>\n<li>[00:27:33] Retaliation: Offending from the victim position.<\/li>\n<li>[00:32:13] Withdrawal: Provacative distance-taking.<\/li>\n<li>[00:35:58] Shaking hands with your adaptive child \u2014 your losing strategy profile (LSP).<\/li>\n<li>[00:38:08] Lessons learned by comparing your partner\u2019s LSP with your own.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\">PEOPLE MENTIONED<\/h3>\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/www.themeadows.com\/blog\/the-therapeutic-genius-of-pia-mellody\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">Pia Mellody<\/a><br \/><a href=\"https:\/\/tim.blog\/2025\/01\/03\/the-random-show-2025-predictions\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">Kevin Rose<\/a><br \/><a href=\"https:\/\/tim.blog\/2023\/03\/14\/peter-attia-outlive\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">Peter Attia<\/a><br \/><a href=\"https:\/\/tim.blog\/2021\/12\/29\/zen-master-henry-shukman\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">Henry Shukman<\/a><br \/><a href=\"https:\/\/en.wikipedia.org\/wiki\/Edward_Tronick\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">Edward Tronick<\/a><br \/><a href=\"https:\/\/iep.utm.edu\/freud\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">Sigmund Freud<\/a><br \/><a href=\"https:\/\/en.wikipedia.org\/wiki\/Ethel_Person\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">Ethel Person<\/a><br \/><a href=\"https:\/\/en.wikipedia.org\/wiki\/James_Framo\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">James Framo<\/a><br \/><a href=\"https:\/\/belindabermanreal.com\/about-me\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">Belinda Berman-Real<\/a><br \/><a href=\"https:\/\/en.wikipedia.org\/wiki\/Mahatma_Gandhi\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">Mahatma Gandhi<\/a><\/p>\n<p><h3 class=\"jp-relatedposts-headline\"><em>Related<\/em><\/h3>\n<\/p>\n<p><em><a href=\"https:\/\/tim.blog\/podcast\"><strong>The Tim Ferriss Show<\/strong><\/a> <\/em><span>is one <\/span>of the most popular podcasts in the world with more than one billion downloads. It has been selected for &#8220;Best of Apple Podcasts&#8221; three times, it is often the #1 interview podcast across all of Apple Podcasts, and it&#8217;s been ranked #1 out of 400,000+ podcasts on many occasions. To listen to any of the past episodes for free, check out <strong><a href=\"https:\/\/tim.blog\/podcast\">this page<\/a><\/strong>.<\/p>\n<\/p><\/div>\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/hop.clickbank.net\/?affiliate=infohatch&amp;vendor=J1R2C\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"size-full wp-image-10614 aligncenter\" src=\"http:\/\/parmaks.com\/Resources\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/profit-gen400px.png\" alt=\"Profit Gen\" width=\"400\" height=\"217\" srcset=\"https:\/\/parmaks.com\/Resources\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/profit-gen400px.png 400w, https:\/\/parmaks.com\/Resources\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/profit-gen400px-300x163.png 300w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 400px) 100vw, 400px\" \/><\/a><br \/><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>For this episode, I\u2019m doing something a bit different. I\u2019m featuring five chapters from the audiobook\u00a0Fierce Intimacy\u00a0by\u00a0Terry Real.\u00a0What you will hear in this episode will [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":9908,"comment_status":"","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[13],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-10191","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-growth"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/parmaks.com\/Resources\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/10191","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/parmaks.com\/Resources\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/parmaks.com\/Resources\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/parmaks.com\/Resources\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/parmaks.com\/Resources\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=10191"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/parmaks.com\/Resources\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/10191\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/parmaks.com\/Resources\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/9908"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/parmaks.com\/Resources\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=10191"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/parmaks.com\/Resources\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=10191"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/parmaks.com\/Resources\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=10191"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}