{"id":10643,"date":"2025-05-07T16:22:20","date_gmt":"2025-05-07T20:22:20","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/parmaks.com\/Resources\/signs-traits-how-to-deal-with-them\/"},"modified":"2025-05-07T16:22:20","modified_gmt":"2025-05-07T20:22:20","slug":"signs-traits-how-to-deal-with-them","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/parmaks.com\/Resources\/signs-traits-how-to-deal-with-them\/","title":{"rendered":"Signs, Traits & How to Deal With Them"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"Profit<\/a>
\n<\/p>\n

\n

You\u2019ve probably encountered a narcissist at least once in your life\u2014someone who\u2019s repeatedly self-centered, lacking empathy, cocky, manipulative, selfish, patronizing, and demanding.<\/p>\n

Like a Joffrey Baratheon. Or a Miranda Priestly. Or a Regina George.<\/p>\n

But have you ever encountered a covert narcissist<\/em><\/strong>?<\/p>\n

When you walk away from a conversation with them, you tend to feel guilty, confused, or like you\u2019re too much.<\/p>\n

And the punchline is, you don\u2019t even realize it\u2019s happening\u2026 until it\u2019s too late.<\/p>\n

What is a covert narcissist?<\/h2>\n

A covert narcissist is someone with narcissistic tendencies, but they hide it behind a quiet, self-effacing, or victim-like persona. Hence the word \u201ccovert.\u201d<\/p>\n

Think of them as the Clark Kent version of narcissism. On the outside? Humble, insecure, maybe even self-sacrificing. But underneath? Still fueled by the same need to be special, validated, and untouchable.<\/p>\n

Take the Camerlengo from Angels and Demons<\/em>, for instance. Classic covert narcissist.<\/p>\n

On the surface, he\u2019s a devout priest. Humble, grieving, and committed to God\u2019s will. But underneath, he\u2019s faking a terrorist attack, murdering the Pope, and orchestrating his own public \u201cmiracle\u201d to be seen as the savior of the Church. His entire identity hinges on being revered as a moral hero without ever appearing to seek the spotlight.<\/p>\n

\u201cIndividuals with covert narcissistic traits may present as shy, self-effacing, or emotionally fragile<\/em>,\u201d Ny\u2019L Thompson, LCSW-C, M.S.<\/strong>, a licensed therapist who specializes in adult mental health, shares with Mindvalley Pulse. \u201cBut their interpersonal behavior often reflects passive-aggressive control and emotional manipulation<\/em>.\u201d<\/p>\n

Research says the same thing. A 2001 study found that their outward confidence is a mask for deep insecurity<\/a>. It\u2019s not just praise that they\u2019re secretly chasing, but also the need<\/em> to feel special. In their heads, it\u2019s the only way to hold their sense of self together.<\/p>\n

That\u2019s the thing, though: they\u2019re not shouting, \u201cLook at me! Look at me!<\/em>\u201d No, instead, they\u2019re whispering, \u201cWhy doesn\u2019t anyone ever see how good I am?<\/em>\u201d<\/p>\n

So, absolutely, they can feel so emotionally chaotic to be around. And because their entitlement and superiority are dressed in self-doubt<\/a>, guilt-tripping, or emotional theatrics, you might find yourself comforting them constantly or second-guessing your gut.<\/p>\n

Why? Because they seem so\u2026 sensitive.<\/p>\n

Covert vs. overt narcissism<\/h3>\n

Both covert and overt narcissists crave the same thing: to feel special. But they go about it in wildly different ways.<\/p>\n

While they both share the same traits, \u201cregular narcissists go around telling everybody how great they are all the time<\/em>,\u201d explains Rebecca Zung, a top 1% attorney and narcissist negotiation expert, on a podcast episode of Selling With Love<\/em><\/a>. \u201cCovert narcissists don\u2019t do that<\/em>.\u201d<\/p>\n

Here\u2019s how they stack up against one another:<\/p>\n

\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n
Overt narcissist<\/strong><\/td>\nCovert narcissist<\/strong><\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
Brags openly<\/td>\nDownplays accomplishments<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
Craves admiration<\/td>\nCraves reassurance<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
Dominates conversations<\/td>\nPlays the victim<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
Inflated self-image<\/td>\nFragile self-image<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
Loud, entitled, demanding<\/td>\nQuiet, resentful, withdrawn<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
Says, \u201cI\u2019m the best<\/em>\u201d<\/td>\nThinks, \u201cNo one sees how great I am<\/em>\u201d<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n<\/tbody>\n<\/table>\n<\/figure>\n

If you\u2019ve ever watched The Devil Wears Prada<\/em>, you\u2019re likely aware of what Rebecca calls, \u201cnarcissistic supply\u201d\u2014anything that feeds their ego\u2014coming from Miranda as well as her assistant, Emily Charlton.\u00a0<\/p>\n

Miranda\u2019s obviously the overt. She commands every room, talks down to people in ways that border on emotional abuse, doesn\u2019t hide that she expects worship, and says things like \u201cEveryone wants to be us<\/em>\u201d with absolutely no apology, no shame.<\/p>\n

Emily, on the other hand, masks her ego with martyrdom. She constantly laments how unappreciated she is, drops passive-aggressive \u201chonesty,\u201d and quietly boils when Andy gets praised.<\/p>\n

They both want recognition. One demands it unapologetically with a bullhorn in hand. The other? \u201cThey have a lot of bitterness and resentment about the fact that everybody else has more success than they do,\u201d <\/em>Rebecca points out, <\/em>\u201cand their failures are other people\u2019s faults<\/em>.\u201d<\/p>\n

7 biggest traits of a covert narcissist<\/h2>\n

These silent manipulators aren\u2019t always easy to spot because they don\u2019t lead with arrogance.\u00a0<\/p>\n

\u201cOn the surface, they appear very nice<\/em>,\u201d explains Rebecca. <\/em>\u201cThey appear like good people. Lots of people love them<\/em>.\u201d<\/p>\n

Behind that charm, though, is something else. As Ny\u2019L explains, their behavior is often designed \u201cto <\/em>elicit reassurance, avoid accountability, or exert emotional influence<\/em><\/a>.\u201d And their patterns always<\/em> leave a trail.<\/p>\n

Here are the seven biggest covert narcissist traits you should watch out for:<\/p>\n