{"id":10669,"date":"2025-05-10T16:39:32","date_gmt":"2025-05-10T20:39:32","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/parmaks.com\/Resources\/terry-real-the-therapist-who-breaks-all-the-rules-810\/"},"modified":"2025-05-10T16:39:32","modified_gmt":"2025-05-10T20:39:32","slug":"terry-real-the-therapist-who-breaks-all-the-rules-810","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/parmaks.com\/Resources\/terry-real-the-therapist-who-breaks-all-the-rules-810\/","title":{"rendered":"Terry Real \u2014 The Therapist Who Breaks All The Rules (#810)"},"content":{"rendered":"<p> <a href=\"https:\/\/hop.clickbank.net\/?affiliate=infohatch&amp;vendor=J1R2C\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"size-full wp-image-10614 aligncenter\" src=\"http:\/\/parmaks.com\/Resources\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/profit-gen400px.png\" alt=\"Profit Gen\" width=\"400\" height=\"217\" srcset=\"https:\/\/parmaks.com\/Resources\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/profit-gen400px.png 400w, https:\/\/parmaks.com\/Resources\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/profit-gen400px-300x163.png 300w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 400px) 100vw, 400px\" \/><\/a><br \/>\n<\/p>\n<div>\n<figure class=\"wp-block-embed is-type-video is-provider-youtube wp-block-embed-youtube wp-embed-aspect-16-9 wp-has-aspect-ratio\">\n<p>\n<iframe loading=\"lazy\" title=\"Terry Real \u2014 The Therapist Who Breaks All The Rules\" width=\"640\" height=\"360\" src=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/embed\/zCGeeYLh_kw?feature=oembed\" frameborder=\"0\" allow=\"accelerometer; autoplay; clipboard-write; encrypted-media; gyroscope; picture-in-picture; web-share\" referrerpolicy=\"strict-origin-when-cross-origin\" allowfullscreen><\/iframe>\n<\/p>\n<\/figure>\n<blockquote class=\"wp-block-quote is-layout-flow wp-block-quote-is-layout-flow\">\n<p><strong>\u201cA boy\u2019s question of the world is \u2018What do you got for me?\u2019 A man\u2019s question of the world is \u2018What\u2019s needed here?&#8217;\u201d<\/strong><br \/>\u2014\u00a0Terry Real<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n<p><strong>Terry Real <\/strong>is a nationally recognized family therapist, author, and teacher. He is known for his groundbreaking work on men and male psychology as well as his work on gender and couples. <\/p>\n<p>His book<em> <\/em><a target=\"_blank\" href=\"https:\/\/www.amazon.com\/Dont-Want-Talk-About-Overcoming\/dp\/0684835398\/?tag=offsitoftimfe-20\"><em>I Don\u2019t Want To Talk About It: Overcoming the Secret Legacy of Male Depression<\/em><\/a>, the first book ever written on the topic of male depression, is a national bestseller. His new book, <a target=\"_blank\" href=\"https:\/\/www.amazon.com\/Us-Getting-Build-Loving-Relationship\/dp\/0593233670\/?tag=offsitoftimfe-20\"><strong><em>Us: Getting Past You &amp; Me to Build a More Loving Relationship<\/em><\/strong><\/a><strong> <\/strong>is a <em>New York Times<\/em> bestseller. <\/p>\n<p>Terry\u2019s <a target=\"_blank\" href=\"https:\/\/relationallife.com\/\">Relational Life Institute<\/a> offers training for therapists and workshops for couples and individuals.<\/p>\n<p>Please enjoy!<\/p>\n<p><strong>Listen to the episode on\u00a0<a href=\"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/810-terry-real-the-therapist-who-breaks-all-the-rules\/id863897795?i=1000706839787\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">Apple Podcasts<\/a>,\u00a0<a href=\"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/episode\/0SZhzOlZQNLpBWVu71Fjqx?si=OEIvhUtVQquTdxbOmRrqDA\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">Spotify<\/a>,\u00a0<a href=\"https:\/\/overcast.fm\/+AAKebuaYrcw\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">Overcast<\/a>,\u00a0<a href=\"https:\/\/podcastaddict.com\/podcast\/2031148#\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">Podcast Addict<\/a>,\u00a0<a href=\"https:\/\/pca.st\/timferriss\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">Pocket Casts<\/a>,\u00a0<a href=\"https:\/\/castbox.fm\/channel\/id1059468?country=us\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">Castbox<\/a>,\u00a0<a target=\"_blank\" href=\"https:\/\/music.youtube.com\/playlist?list=PLuu6fDad2eJyWPm9dQfuorm2uuYHBZDCB\">YouTube Music<\/a>,\u00a0<a href=\"https:\/\/music.amazon.com\/podcasts\/9814f3cc-1dc5-4003-b816-44a8eb6bf666\/the-tim-ferriss-show\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">Amazon Music<\/a>,\u00a0<a href=\"https:\/\/www.audible.com\/podcast\/The-Tim-Ferriss-Show\/B08K58QX5W\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">Audible<\/a>, or on your favorite podcast platform. <\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>This episode is brought to you by <\/strong><a href=\"https:\/\/cressetcapital.com\/tim\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\"><strong>Cresset<\/strong><\/a><strong>\u00a0prestigious family office for CEOs, founders, and entrepreneurs;<\/strong> <a href=\"https:\/\/ramp.com\/tim\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\"><strong>Ramp<\/strong><\/a><strong>\u00a0easy-to-use corporate cards, bill payments, accounting, and more; and <\/strong><a href=\"https:\/\/wealthfront.com\/Tim\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\"><strong>Wealthfront<\/strong><\/a><strong>\u00a0high-yield cash account.<\/strong><\/p>\n<div class=\"wp-block-tim-podcast-link-main podcast-block wp-embed-aspect-16-9 wp-has-aspect-ratio\"><a class=\"podcast-block__link\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\" href=\"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/810-terry-real-the-therapist-who-breaks-all-the-rules\/id863897795?i=1000706839787\"><img data-recalc-dims=\"1\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"podcast-block__link-icon\" src=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/tim.blog\/wp-content\/themes\/timferriss\/inc\/blocks\/podcast-link\/images\/apple-podcast.png?w=600&amp;ssl=1\"\/><noscript><img data-recalc-dims=\"1\" decoding=\"async\" src=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/tim.blog\/wp-content\/themes\/timferriss\/inc\/blocks\/podcast-link\/images\/apple-podcast.png?w=600&amp;ssl=1\" class=\"podcast-block__link-icon\"\/><\/noscript><span class=\"podcast-block__link-text-top\">Listen on<\/span><span class=\"podcast-block__link-text\">Apple Podcasts<\/span><\/a><\/div>\n<div class=\"wp-block-tim-podcast-link-main podcast-block wp-embed-aspect-16-9 wp-has-aspect-ratio\"><a class=\"podcast-block__link\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\" href=\"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/episode\/0SZhzOlZQNLpBWVu71Fjqx?si=OEIvhUtVQquTdxbOmRrqDA\"><img loading=\"lazy\" width=\"167\" height=\"167\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"podcast-block__link-icon\" src=\"https:\/\/tim.blog\/wp-content\/themes\/timferriss\/inc\/blocks\/podcast-link\/images\/spotify.svg\"\/><noscript><img loading=\"lazy\" width=\"167\" height=\"167\" decoding=\"async\" src=\"https:\/\/tim.blog\/wp-content\/themes\/timferriss\/inc\/blocks\/podcast-link\/images\/spotify.svg\" class=\"podcast-block__link-icon\"\/><\/noscript><span class=\"podcast-block__link-text-top\">Listen on<\/span><span class=\"podcast-block__link-text\">Spotify<\/span><\/a><\/div>\n<div class=\"wp-block-tim-podcast-link-main podcast-block wp-embed-aspect-16-9 wp-has-aspect-ratio\"><a class=\"podcast-block__link\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\" href=\"https:\/\/overcast.fm\/+AAKebuaYrcw\"><img loading=\"lazy\" width=\"1000\" height=\"1000\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"podcast-block__link-icon\" src=\"https:\/\/tim.blog\/wp-content\/themes\/timferriss\/inc\/blocks\/podcast-link\/images\/overcast.svg\"\/><noscript><img loading=\"lazy\" width=\"1000\" height=\"1000\" decoding=\"async\" src=\"https:\/\/tim.blog\/wp-content\/themes\/timferriss\/inc\/blocks\/podcast-link\/images\/overcast.svg\" class=\"podcast-block__link-icon\"\/><\/noscript><span class=\"podcast-block__link-text-top\">Listen on<\/span><span class=\"podcast-block__link-text\">Overcast<\/span><\/a><\/div>\n<div class=\"podcast-player\">\n<div class=\"podcast-player-inner-wrap\">\n<p>Terry Real \u2014 The Therapist Who Breaks All The Rules<\/p>\n<p><noscript><iframe src=\"https:\/\/www.art19.com\/shows\/58dacbdc-646e-4585-9914-19c3de11d1ba\/episodes\/af1aba56-ea4e-4b10-a185-a41658860a1b\/embed?type=micro\" style=\"width: 100%; height: 30px; border: 0 none;\" scrolling=\"no\"><\/iframe><\/noscript><\/div>\n<\/div>\n<p><strong>This episode is brought to you by\u00a0<a target=\"_blank\" href=\"http:\/\/wealthfront.com\/Tim\">Wealthfront<\/a>!\u00a0<\/strong>Wealthfront is a financial services platform that offers services to help you save and invest your money.\u00a0<strong>Right now,\u00a0<a href=\"http:\/\/wealthfront.com\/Tim\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">you can earn 4.00%<\/a>\u00a0APY\u2014that\u2019s the Annual Percentage Yield\u2014with the Wealthfront Brokerage Cash Account from its network of partner banks.<\/strong> That\u2019s nearly ten times more interest than a savings account at a bank, according to FDIC.gov as of 03\/17\/2025 (Wealthfront\u2019s 4.00% APY vs. 0.41% average savings rate). It takes just a few minutes to sign up, and then you\u2019ll immediately start earning 4.00% APY interest on your short term cash until you\u2019re ready to invest.\u00a0<strong>And when new clients open an account today, they can\u00a0<a href=\"http:\/\/wealthfront.com\/Tim\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">get an extra fifty-dollar bonus<\/a>\u00a0with a deposit of five hundred dollars or more. Terms &amp; Conditions apply. Visit\u00a0<a href=\"http:\/\/wealthfront.com\/Tim\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">Wealthfront.com\/Tim<\/a>\u00a0to get started.\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><em>APY as of 03\/17\/2025 and is subject to change. Tim Ferriss receives cash compensation from Wealthfront Brokerage LLC for advertising and holds a non-controlling equity interest in the corporate parent of Wealthfront Brokerage.\u00a0See full disclosures\u00a0<a href=\"https:\/\/cash.wealthfront.com\/tim?utm_medium=podcast&amp;utm_source=timferrissshow&amp;utm_campaign=podcast_cash_50incentive\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">here<\/a>.<\/em><\/p>\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator has-alpha-channel-opacity\"\/>\n<p><strong>This episode is brought to you by <a target=\"_blank\" href=\"http:\/\/cressetcapital.com\/tim\">Cresset Family Office<\/a>!<\/strong> Listeners have heard me talk about \u201cmaking before you manage\u201d for years. And for me\u2014as a writer and entrepreneur\u2014I definitely gravitate toward making.\u00a0So it\u2019s important that I find the right people who are great at managing. That\u2019s why I trust this episode\u2019s sponsor, <a target=\"_blank\" href=\"http:\/\/cressetcapital.com\/tim\">Cresset Family Office<\/a>.\u00a0<\/p>\n<p>Cresset is a prestigious family office for CEOs, founders, and entrepreneurs. They handle the complex financial planning, uncertain tax strategies, timely exit planning, bill pay and wires, and all the other parts of wealth management that would otherwise pull me away from doing what I love most: making things, mastering skills, and spending time with the people I care about.\u00a0 Experience the freedom of focusing on what matters to you with the support of a top wealth management team. Schedule a call today at <a target=\"_blank\" href=\"http:\/\/cressetcapital.com\/tim\">cressetcapital.com\/Tim<\/a> to see how Cresset can help streamline your financial plans and grow your wealth.<\/p>\n<p><em>I\u2019m a client of Cresset. There are no material conflicts other than this paid testimonial. All investing involves risk, including loss of principal.<\/em><\/p>\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator has-alpha-channel-opacity\"\/>\n<p><strong>This episode is brought to you by <a href=\"http:\/\/ramp.com\/tim\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">Ramp!<\/a>\u00a0<\/strong>Ramp is corporate card- and spend-management software designed to help you save time\u00a0<em>and<\/em>\u00a0put money back in your pocket. Ramp has already saved more than 25,000 customers\u2014including other podcast sponsors like Shopify and Eight Sleep\u2014<strong>more than 10 million hours and more than $1 billion<\/strong>\u00a0through better financial management of their corporate spending.<\/p>\n<p>With\u00a0<a href=\"http:\/\/ramp.com\/tim\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">Ramp<\/a>, you\u2019re able to issue cards to every employee\u00a0<em>with limits and restrictions<\/em>\u00a0and automate expense reporting, allowing you to close your books 8x faster on average. Your employees will no longer need to spend hours submitting expense reports. In less than 15 minutes, you can get started issuing virtual and physical cards and making payments, whether you have 5 employees or 5,000.\u00a0<strong>Businesses that use Ramp save an average of 5% on total card spending and related expenses in the first year. <a target=\"_blank\" href=\"http:\/\/ramp.com\/tim\">And now, you can get $250 when you join Ramp<\/a>.<\/strong> <strong>Just go to\u00a0<a href=\"http:\/\/ramp.com\/tim\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">ramp.com\/Tim<\/a>.<\/strong><\/p>\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator has-alpha-channel-opacity\"\/>\n<p><strong><a href=\"https:\/\/tim.blog\/2025\/03\/06\/terry-real-relationship-coach\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">Want to hear<\/a> five chapters from the audiobook\u00a0<em>Fierce Intimacy<\/em>\u00a0by\u00a0Terry Real?<\/strong> <a href=\"https:\/\/tim.blog\/2025\/03\/06\/terry-real-relationship-coach\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">Listen here<\/a>\u2014it will help you identify both your and your partner\u2019s losing strategies in relationships and help you move from disharmony to repair.<\/p>\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator has-alpha-channel-opacity\"\/>\n<p><strong>What was your favorite quote or lesson from this episode? Please let me know <a href=\"https:\/\/tim.blog\/2025\/05\/09\/terry-real-therapy\/#respond\">in the comments<\/a>.<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><span id=\"more-109542\"\/><\/p>\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\">SELECTED LINKS FROM THE EPISODE<\/h3>\n<p class=\"has-text-align-center\"><a href=\"https:\/\/terryreal.com\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">Website<\/a> | <a href=\"https:\/\/www.instagram.com\/realterryreal\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">Instagram<\/a> | <a href=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/@realterryreal\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">YouTube<\/a> | <a href=\"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/TerryRealRLI\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">Facebook<\/a><\/p>\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\">Books<\/h3>\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\">Therapeutic Approaches &amp; Modalities<\/h3>\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\">Core RLT Concepts &amp; Frameworks<\/h3>\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/www.sarahfrankfurt.com\/blog\/understanding-adaptive-child-rlt\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">Three Parts of the Human Psyche<\/a> (RLT Model):\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li>Wise Adult (prefrontal cortex, choosing part)<\/li>\n<li>Wounded Child (flooded, emotional part)<\/li>\n<li>Adaptive Child (kid\u2019s version of an adult, automatic\/knee-jerk responses, self-protection)<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\">General Psychological &amp; Relational Concepts<\/h3>\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\">Organizations &amp; Institutions<\/h3>\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/al-anon.org\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">Al-Anon<\/a>: Support group for families of alcoholics.<\/li>\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/meadowsoutpatient.com\/about\/the-meadows-model\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">The Meadows<\/a>: Treatment center where Pia Mellody worked.<\/li>\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/www.soundstrue.com\/pages\/shop\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">Sounds True<\/a>: Publisher of Terry Real\u2019s <em>Fierce Intimacy<\/em> audio program.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\">Movies &amp; Shows<\/h3>\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\">People<\/h3>\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/tim.blog\/2023\/03\/14\/peter-attia-outlive\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">Peter Attia<\/a>: Doctor, author, friend of Tim Ferriss, mentioned in relation to male depression and his book <em>Outlive<\/em>.<\/li>\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/tim.blog\/2025\/01\/03\/the-random-show-2025-predictions\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">Kevin Rose<\/a>: Friend of Tim Ferriss, mentioned in relation to couples therapy.<\/li>\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/belindabermanreal.com\/about-me\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">Belinda Berman<\/a>: Terry Real\u2019s wife, a family therapist, coined \u201crelational heroism.\u201d<\/li>\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/batesoninstitute.org\/gregory-bateson\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">Gregory Bateson<\/a>: Anthropologist, influential in family therapy, husband of Margaret Mead, known for concept of \u201chumankind\u2019s epistemological error.\u201d<\/li>\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/en.wikipedia.org\/wiki\/Margaret_Mead\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">Margaret Mead<\/a>: Anthropologist, wife of Gregory Bateson.<\/li>\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/en.wikipedia.org\/wiki\/Edward_Tronick\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">Edward Tronick<\/a>: Infant observational researcher, known for the \u201charmony, disharmony, and repair\u201d rhythm in relationships.<\/li>\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/www.brazeltontouchpoints.org\/about\/our-founder\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">T. Berry Brazelton<\/a>: Pediatrician and researcher, worked alongside Tronick.<\/li>\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/iep.utm.edu\/freud\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">Sigmund Freud<\/a>: The father of psychoanalysis.<\/li>\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/en.wikipedia.org\/wiki\/James_Framo\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">James Framo<\/a>: Considered a father of couple\u2019s therapy.<\/li>\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/tim.blog\/2020\/04\/02\/esther-perel-relationships-in-quarantine\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">Esther Perel<\/a>: Therapist, mentioned as working with Peter Attia.<\/li>\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/www.themeadows.com\/blog\/the-therapeutic-genius-of-pia-mellody\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">Pia Mellody<\/a>: Therapist, mentor to Terry Real, influential in 12-step community, associated with The Meadows, concepts like \u201cone up, one down.\u201d<\/li>\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/rianeeisler.com\/about\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">Riane Eisler<\/a>: Scholar, author, known for concepts like \u201cpower over vs. power with.\u201d<\/li>\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/en.wikipedia.org\/wiki\/Carol_Gilligan\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">Carol Gilligan<\/a>: Psychologist, ethicist, known for work on gender studies (e.g., \u201cthe binary,\u201d \u201cno voice without relationship\u201d).<\/li>\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/catalog.erickson-foundation.org\/speaker\/olga-silverstein\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">Olga Silverstein<\/a>: Therapist, known for \u201cthe halving process\u201d (splitting human qualities by gender).<\/li>\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/en.wikipedia.org\/wiki\/Keith_Richards\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">Keith Richards<\/a>: Guitar hero.<\/li>\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/tim.blog\/2021\/01\/14\/richard-schwartz-internal-family-systems\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">Richard \u201cDick\u201d Schwartz<\/a>: Founder of Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy.<\/li>\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/en.wikipedia.org\/wiki\/Adolf_Hitler\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">Adolf Hitler<\/a>: The gold standard of human villainy.<\/li>\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/en.wikipedia.org\/wiki\/Erik_Erikson\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">Erik Erikson<\/a>: Child psychoanalyst.<\/li>\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/en.wikipedia.org\/wiki\/Elon_Musk\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">Elon Musk<\/a>: Mentioned as an example in a discussion about aspirational masculinity vs. relational well-being.<\/li>\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/en.wikipedia.org\/wiki\/James_Gilligan\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">James Gilligan<\/a>: Psychiatrist, author of <em>Violence<\/em>, worked with criminally insane.<\/li>\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/tim.blog\/2020\/05\/15\/sam-harris-2\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">Sam Harris<\/a>: Neuroscientist, author, podcaster (mentioned for his meditation app).<\/li>\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/en.wikipedia.org\/wiki\/Mahatma_Gandhi\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">Mahatma Gandhi<\/a>: Political ethicist who led the campaign for India\u2019s independence from British rule.<\/li>\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/www.nobelprize.org\/prizes\/peace\/1964\/king\/biographical\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">Martin Luther King Jr.<\/a>: Civil rights champion.<\/li>\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/en.wikipedia.org\/wiki\/Raymond_Chandler\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">Raymond Chandler<\/a>: Noir author (<em>The Big Sleep<\/em>).<\/li>\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/en.wikipedia.org\/wiki\/Sam_Spade\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">Sam Spade<\/a>: Fictional detective from Raymond Chandler\u2019s work.<\/li>\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/humphreybogart.com\/biography\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">Humphrey Bogart<\/a>: Actor.<\/li>\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/en.wikipedia.org\/wiki\/Lauren_Bacall\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">Lauren Bacall<\/a>: Actress.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\">Relevant Resources<\/h3>\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\">SHOW NOTES<\/h3>\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li>[00:00:00] Start.<\/li>\n<li>[00:05:51] The pumpernickel story.<\/li>\n<li>[00:09:44] Wise adult, wounded child, and adaptive child.<\/li>\n<li>[00:11:25] Relational mindfulness.<\/li>\n<li>[00:12:11] Remembering love.<\/li>\n<li>[00:13:29] Why do we remain loyal to bad relationships?<\/li>\n<li>[00:16:58] The RLT stance on taking a position as a therapist.<\/li>\n<li>[00:18:46] Objectivity battles.<\/li>\n<li>[00:24:11] Entering into compassionate curiosity about your partner\u2019s subjective experience.<\/li>\n<li>[00:29:40] Normal marital hatred.<\/li>\n<li>[00:34:19] Taking the first steps toward repair.<\/li>\n<li>[00:37:03] Empathizing with someone whose reality doesn\u2019t match yours.<\/li>\n<li>[00:39:45] Should you stay or should you go? Understanding relational reckoning.<\/li>\n<li>[00:43:41] Leveraging a resistant partner toward therapy.<\/li>\n<li>[00:46:03] The preconditions that must be addressed before RLT can be effective.<\/li>\n<li>[00:48:37] Understanding covert depression in men.<\/li>\n<li>[00:52:52] Determining underlying depression.<\/li>\n<li>[00:54:36] Favored modalities for working with trauma.<\/li>\n<li>[00:55:04] Parsing the patriarchy.<\/li>\n<li>[00:59:35] Taking care of your relationship\u2019s biosphere without being codependent.<\/li>\n<li>[01:03:23] Terry\u2019s prescription for overcoming my own faulty childhood templates.<\/li>\n<li>[01:07:05] Pondering gender expectations and expressions.<\/li>\n<li>[01:13:06] Were Terry\u2019s distinctly different boys raised similarly?<\/li>\n<li>[01:15:05] A <em>good<\/em> Morani vs. a <em>great<\/em> Morani.<\/li>\n<li>[01:16:53] The greatest achievement of Terry\u2019s life.<\/li>\n<li>[01:18:44] Advice for people who want to be better parents than the ones they had.<\/li>\n<li>[01:21:17] The typical format of Terry\u2019s men\u2019s group therapy.<\/li>\n<li>[01:23:56] Full-respect living, group guidelines, and boundaries.<\/li>\n<li>[01:25:07] Comparing and contrasting Relational Life Therapy (RLT) with Internal Family Systems (IFS).<\/li>\n<li>[01:27:54] Modern relationship challenges \u2014 from polyamory to monogamy.<\/li>\n<li>[01:29:53] The research is clear: Humans are born to be intimate.<\/li>\n<li>[01:32:16] Toxic femininity and the new world order.<\/li>\n<li>[01:34:40] Relational empowerment vs. individual empowerment.<\/li>\n<li>[01:35:45] One up, one down.<\/li>\n<li>[01:37:50] From grandiosity to baseline: Relational joy vs. gratification.<\/li>\n<li>[01:43:06] How to learn more about Terry\u2019s work.<\/li>\n<li>[01:45:16] Recommended reading.<\/li>\n<li>[01:49:09] Terry\u2019s billboard.<\/li>\n<li>[01:49:34] Parting thoughts.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\">MORE TERRY REAL QUOTES FROM THE INTERVIEW<\/h3>\n<p><strong>\u201cA boy\u2019s question of the world is \u2018What do you got for me?\u2019 A man\u2019s question of the world is \u2018What\u2019s needed here?&#8217;\u201d<\/strong><br \/>\u2014\u00a0Terry Real<\/p>\n<p><strong>\u201cFamily pathology rolls from generation to generation like a fire in the woods taking down everything in its path until one person in one generation has the courage to turn and face the flames. That person brings peace to their ancestors and spares the children that follow.\u201d<\/strong><br \/>\u2014\u00a0Terry Real<\/p>\n<p><strong>\u201cHave the courage to move beyond the defaults you were handed, and do it with help.\u201d<\/strong><br \/>\u2014\u00a0Terry Real<\/p>\n<p><strong>\u201cPart of the reason why we don\u2019t change is we\u2019re loyal to the relationships that we learn how to be screwed up in. And it feels odd. I say we\u2019re immigrants. We leave the old country and the old people behind.\u201d<\/strong><br \/>\u2014\u00a0Terry Real<\/p>\n<p><strong>\u201cEnter into compassionate curiosity about your partner\u2019s subjective experience. They\u2019re nuts? Okay, but find out what kind of nut they are.\u201d<\/strong><br \/>\u2014\u00a0Terry Real<\/p>\n<p><strong>\u201cRepair is a one-way street. \u2026 If you have a disgruntled partner, you are at their service. \u2026 Somebody comes to the customer service window and says, \u2018My microwave doesn\u2019t work.\u2019 They don\u2019t want to hear you say, \u2018Well, my toaster doesn\u2019t work.\u2019 They don\u2019t want your excuses. Fix the goddamn microwave. \u2026 Put yourself aside and tend to them.\u201d<\/strong><br \/>\u2014\u00a0Terry Real<\/p>\n<p><strong>\u201cBoys and men get depressed because of what I call normal boyhood trauma under patriarchy. We are taught at three, four, five years old to deny our vulnerability, to disconnect from our feelings, to disconnect from others, all in the name of autonomy. We cut off half of our humanity\u2014the feelings, the vulnerability, connection\u2014really, in some ways, the most rich, nourishing parts of what it means to be a human. And that cutoff, which is imposed on boys, that cutoff is traumatic. And it also renders you isolated and lonely. So there\u2019s a lot of trauma. That trauma becomes depression, that depression becomes acting out or self-medication. And if you really want to heal someone, you hit all three layers. First the defenses, then the depression, then the childhood trauma.\u201d<\/strong><br \/>\u2014\u00a0Terry Real<\/p>\n<p><strong>\u201cMoving men, women, non-binary folk into true intimacy is synonymous with moving them beyond traditional gender roles, beyond patriarchy. Men have to move into vulnerability and open their hearts. Women have to move into assertion with love\u2014not with harshness but with love. And doing that on both sides moves beyond anything that this culture teaches us. It\u2019s pioneer work.\u201d<\/strong><br \/>\u2014\u00a0Terry Real<\/p>\n<p><strong>\u201cIt absolutely kills me when people describe my work as \u2018Terry\u2019s trying to feminize men.\u2019 No, I want whole human beings. I want smart, sexy, competent women. I want powerful, big-hearted, compassionate men. We don\u2019t need to halve ourselves in compliance to the world order. We can be whole.\u201d<\/strong><br \/>\u2014\u00a0Terry Real<\/p>\n<p><strong>\u201cThere\u2019s a saying: \u2018Therapists are people who need to be in therapy 40 hours a week.\u2019 I became a professional therapist to heal myself, and then I became a family therapist to learn how to have a relationship.\u201d<\/strong><br \/>\u2014\u00a0Terry Real<\/p>\n<p><strong>\u201cNot being intimate is as bad for your body as smoking a pack and a half of cigarettes a day. This is hard, black and white research. We are born to be intimate. Moving beyond traditional gender roles is the only way to get there. So stop whining, stand up, and learn a few relational skills. It\u2019s good for you, it\u2019s good for your body\u2014you\u2019ll live longer\u2014it\u2019s good for your marriage, and it\u2019s good for your children.\u201d<\/strong><br \/>\u2014\u00a0Terry Real<\/p>\n<p><h3 class=\"jp-relatedposts-headline\"><em>Related<\/em><\/h3>\n<\/p>\n<p><em><a href=\"https:\/\/tim.blog\/podcast\"><strong>The Tim Ferriss Show<\/strong><\/a> <\/em><span>is one <\/span>of the most popular podcasts in the world with more than one billion downloads. It has been selected for &#8220;Best of Apple Podcasts&#8221; three times, it is often the #1 interview podcast across all of Apple Podcasts, and it&#8217;s been ranked #1 out of 400,000+ podcasts on many occasions. To listen to any of the past episodes for free, check out <strong><a href=\"https:\/\/tim.blog\/podcast\">this page<\/a><\/strong>.<\/p>\n<\/p><\/div>\n<p><script async defer src=\"https:\/\/platform.instagram.com\/en_US\/embeds.js\"><\/script><br \/>\n<br \/><a href=\"https:\/\/hop.clickbank.net\/?affiliate=infohatch&amp;vendor=J1R2C\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"size-full wp-image-10614 aligncenter\" src=\"http:\/\/parmaks.com\/Resources\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/profit-gen400px.png\" alt=\"Profit Gen\" width=\"400\" height=\"217\" srcset=\"https:\/\/parmaks.com\/Resources\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/profit-gen400px.png 400w, https:\/\/parmaks.com\/Resources\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/profit-gen400px-300x163.png 300w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 400px) 100vw, 400px\" \/><\/a><br \/><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>\u201cA boy\u2019s question of the world is \u2018What do you got for me?\u2019 A man\u2019s question of the world is \u2018What\u2019s needed here?&#8217;\u201d\u2014\u00a0Terry Real Terry [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":10670,"comment_status":"","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[13],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-10669","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-growth"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/parmaks.com\/Resources\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/10669","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/parmaks.com\/Resources\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/parmaks.com\/Resources\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/parmaks.com\/Resources\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/parmaks.com\/Resources\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=10669"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/parmaks.com\/Resources\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/10669\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/parmaks.com\/Resources\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/10670"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/parmaks.com\/Resources\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=10669"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/parmaks.com\/Resources\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=10669"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/parmaks.com\/Resources\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=10669"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}