{"id":11152,"date":"2025-07-14T17:34:33","date_gmt":"2025-07-14T21:34:33","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/parmaks.com\/Resources\/ethan-kross-shares-how-to-shift-stress-into-calm\/"},"modified":"2025-07-14T17:34:33","modified_gmt":"2025-07-14T21:34:33","slug":"ethan-kross-shares-how-to-shift-stress-into-calm","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/parmaks.com\/Resources\/ethan-kross-shares-how-to-shift-stress-into-calm\/","title":{"rendered":"Ethan Kross Shares How to \u201cShift\u201d Stress Into Calm"},"content":{"rendered":"<p> <a href=\"https:\/\/hop.clickbank.net\/?affiliate=infohatch&amp;vendor=J1R2C\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"size-full wp-image-10614 aligncenter\" src=\"http:\/\/parmaks.com\/Resources\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/profit-gen400px.png\" alt=\"Profit Gen\" width=\"400\" height=\"217\" srcset=\"https:\/\/parmaks.com\/Resources\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/profit-gen400px.png 400w, https:\/\/parmaks.com\/Resources\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/profit-gen400px-300x163.png 300w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 400px) 100vw, 400px\" \/><\/a><br \/>\n<\/p>\n<div>\n<p>You\u2019re exhausted from feeling everything all the time.<\/p>\n<p>The simmering tension before a Zoom call, the throb of regret at 2 a.m., or even the way a passing comment hijacks your peace for hours. You try journaling, meditating, breathing in for four, out for six\u2026 But still, your emotions barrel through your body like they own the place.<\/p>\n<p>Welcome, as <strong>Ethan Kross<\/strong> addresses the first chapter of his book, to your emotional life.<\/p>\n<p>It\u2019s messy and unpredictable. But not unmanageable.<\/p>\n<p>And once you know what to reach for, everything shifts.<\/p>\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-who-is-ethan-kross\">Who is Ethan Kross?<\/h2>\n<p>If you\u2019ve yet to hear the name \u201cEthan Kross,\u201d then you\u2019re about to learn about the scientist who\u2019s been quietly decoding your emotional life. He\u2019s an experimental psychologist, a professor at the University of Michigan, and one of the world\u2019s foremost experts on <a href=\"https:\/\/blog.mindvalley.com\/emotional-regulation-skills\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">emotional regulation<\/a> and <a href=\"https:\/\/blog.mindvalley.com\/self-talk\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">self-talk<\/a>.\u00a0<\/p>\n<p>Not only that, but he\u2019s also the kind of thinker who turns childhood questions into global research agendas.<\/p>\n<p>Long before the lab coats and TED Talks, though, Ethan was a child watching his grandmother survive in silence. A Holocaust survivor who lost her entire family, she rebuilt a joyful life in New York but never spoke about the trauma, except during one sacred ceremony each year. That contrast between the invisibility of emotion and its gravitational pull stayed with him.<\/p>\n<p>Now, he runs one of the top emotion science labs in the world, advises Fortune 100 leaders, and teaches both psychology and business.<\/p>\n<p>And if those accomplishments weren\u2019t already stacked, just Google \u201cEthan Kross book,\u201d and you\u2019ll find these bestsellers:<\/p>\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li><strong><em>Chatter<\/em><\/strong>, which explores the voice in your head and how to work with it<\/li>\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/amzn.to\/43ieQsG\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\"><strong><em>Shift<\/em><\/strong><\/a>, which shows you how to navigate emotions with clarity and control<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>(<em>Disclosure: This includes an affiliate link. If you make a purchase through it, the Mindvalley Book Club may earn a commission at no extra cost to you.<\/em>)<\/p>\n<p>\u201c<em>So often in our lives we don\u2019t experience our emotions proportionally; we experience them too intensely, or they last too long<\/em>,\u201d he tells <a href=\"https:\/\/blog.mindvalley.com\/kristina-mand-lakhiani\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">Kristina M\u04d3nd-Lakhiani<\/a> in a Mindvalley Book Club interview. \u201c<em>That\u2019s where I think science has a lot to offer with respect to providing people with tools they can use to rein in those emotional responses<\/em>.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>And that\u2019s the point of his latest, <em>Shift<\/em>: emotion with direction.<\/p>\n<p><strong><em>Watch Ethan\u2019s full interview on the Mindvalley Book Club with Kristina M\u04d3nd-Lakhiani:<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n<figure class=\"wp-block-embed aligncenter is-type-video is-provider-youtube wp-block-embed-youtube wp-embed-aspect-16-9 wp-has-aspect-ratio\">\n<p>\n<iframe loading=\"lazy\" title=\"Mindvalley Book of the Week: \u2018Shift\u2019 by Ethan Kross\" width=\"640\" height=\"360\" src=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/embed\/at8oTd2iPE8?feature=oembed\" frameborder=\"0\" allow=\"accelerometer; autoplay; clipboard-write; encrypted-media; gyroscope; picture-in-picture; web-share\" referrerpolicy=\"strict-origin-when-cross-origin\" allowfullscreen><\/iframe><noscript><iframe loading=\"lazy\" title=\"Mindvalley Book of the Week: \u2018Shift\u2019 by Ethan Kross\" width=\"640\" height=\"360\" src=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/embed\/at8oTd2iPE8?feature=oembed\" frameborder=\"0\" allow=\"accelerometer; autoplay; clipboard-write; encrypted-media; gyroscope; picture-in-picture; web-share\" referrerpolicy=\"strict-origin-when-cross-origin\" allowfullscreen><\/iframe><\/noscript>\n<\/p><figcaption class=\"wp-element-caption\">Mindvalley Book of the Week: <em>Shift<\/em> by Ethan Kross<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-the-weight-of-emotional-overwhelm-according-to-ethan-kross\">The weight of emotional overwhelm, according to Ethan Kross<\/h2>\n<p>Chances are, you know the feeling. One anxious email, one cutting comment, one unresolved memory, and suddenly, your whole emotional system\u2019s flooded.<\/p>\n<p>Even though you\u2019re not in any danger, your body reacts like you are. Your chest tightens, your thoughts race, and you can\u2019t focus on anything except how to make it stop.<\/p>\n<blockquote class=\"wp-block-quote is-layout-flow wp-block-quote-is-layout-flow\">\n<p>We have been socialized to understand how to manage our physical body. We have not when it comes to our emotional health.<\/p>\n<p><cite>\u2014 Ethan Kross, author of Shift<\/cite><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p>It\u2019s what Ethan describes as a disproportionate emotional response. It\u2019s a reaction that\u2019s louder, longer, or sharper than the situation requires. And it\u2019s more common than anyone wants to admit.<\/p>\n<p>Research shows that prolonged emotional reactivity, especially when unmanaged, can impair cognitive functioning and worsen physical health. In fact, one study found that <a href=\"https:\/\/www.cell.com\/trends\/cognitive-sciences\/fulltext\/S1364-6613(09)00046-1\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">lingering negative emotions significantly disrupt working memory and executive attention<\/a>, key systems responsible for decision-making and self-regulation.<\/p>\n<p>In reality though, <strong>your emotions aren\u2019t really the problem<\/strong>. They\u2019re actually designed to help you.<\/p>\n<p>Take anxiety, for instance. It alerts you to potential threats. Sadness helps you slow down and recalibrate. Anger defends your boundaries.<\/p>\n<p>However, when those emotions linger or spiral, they lose their edge and take you down with them. And while you\u2019ve probably been told to breathe through it, to let it go, or even to be grateful, nobody gave you the blueprint for <em>how<\/em> to shift your state in real time.<\/p>\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-why-emotional-overwhelm-goes-unnoticed-and-why-it-matters\">Why emotional overwhelm goes unnoticed\u2014and why it matters<\/h2>\n<p>No one rewards you for breaking down. So you don\u2019t. Instead, you keep showing up at work, in relationships, and online while quietly unraveling inside.<\/p>\n<p>\u201c<em>We have been socialized to understand how to manage our physical body<\/em>,\u201d points out Ethan. However, the opposite is true when it comes to our emotional health.<\/p>\n<p>The unfortunate thing is, we\u2019ve gotten good at functioning through emotional chaos. And because we can still send the emails, make the calls, fold the laundry, and perform, it rarely registers as a crisis.<\/p>\n<p>This can happen for a few reasons:<\/p>\n<blockquote class=\"wp-block-quote is-layout-flow wp-block-quote-is-layout-flow\">\n<p>Big emotions consume our attention, leaving very little left over to allow us to do the things we often need to do.<\/p>\n<p><cite>\u2014 Ethan Kross, author of Shift<\/cite><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p>It\u2019s no wonder that, according to <a href=\"https:\/\/www.gallup.com\/analytics\/349280\/gallup-global-emotions-report.aspx\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">Gallup\u2019s 2023 Global Emotions Report<\/a>, 41% of adults worldwide experience high levels of worry, and 40% report significant stress.<\/p>\n<p>What\u2019s more, based on the American Psychological Association\u2019s Work in America\u2122 Survey 2023, <a href=\"https:\/\/www.apa.org\/pubs\/reports\/work-in-america\/2023-workplace-health-well-being\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">burnout is most prevalent among women, younger adults, and caregivers<\/a>. And nearly 50% of workers under 35 report emotional exhaustion.<\/p>\n<p>The problem is, when overwhelm hides behind productivity, it festers. It builds quietly until it changes how your brain prioritizes, reacts, and connects.<\/p>\n<p>\u201c<em>Big emotions consume our attention, leaving very little left over to allow us to do the things we often need to do<\/em>,\u201d says Ethan. And when we allow them to run wild, they \u201c<em>undermine our ability to think and perform; they can also create enormous friction in our relationships<\/em>.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Now, recognizing the problem is one thing. But knowing what to do next? That\u2019s where the real shift begins.<\/p>\n<p>There\u2019s no single way to manage a big feeling. But there are tools that make it possible.<\/p>\n<p>\u201c<em>There are lots of tools that exist in the toolbox<\/em>,\u201d says Ethan. And his goal isn\u2019t to prescribe one fix, but to equip people with options they can experiment with until they find what actually helps.<\/p>\n<p>His book, <em>Shift<\/em>, obviously is a wonderful rolodex of these tools\u2014\u201c<em>probably like 30 different tools<\/em>,\u201d he adds. But here are five he highlights in the Mindvalley Book Club interview that can get you started.<\/p>\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-1-distant-self-talk\">1. Distant self-talk<\/h3>\n<p>This isn\u2019t your typical pep talk. Instead, it\u2019s the practice of addressing yourself in the third person, like a coach guiding a player from the sidelines.<\/p>\n<p>Instead of saying, \u201c<em>I\u2019m freaking out about this meeting<\/em>,\u201d you say, \u201c<em>Okay, Larry, you\u2019ve prepped. You\u2019ve done this before. You\u2019ve got this.<\/em>\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Ethan does exactly this. He explains, \u201c<em>I address myself using my name: \u2018Ethan, why are you worried about this? You\u2019ve thought about this a thousand times\u2026 What\u2019s the deal here? Move on<\/em>.\u2019\u201d<\/p>\n<p>It might sound odd. But science shows <a href=\"https:\/\/www.nature.com\/articles\/s41598-017-04047-3\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">when you use your name instead of \u201cI,\u201d your brain creates psychological distance between <em>you<\/em> and the emotion you\u2019re experiencing<\/a>. That distance gives you just enough space to pause, evaluate, and respond rather than react.<\/p>\n<p>In a way, you\u2019re speaking from your <a href=\"https:\/\/blog.mindvalley.com\/higher-self\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">higher self<\/a>. It\u2019s the part of you that sees more clearly, speaks more kindly, and isn\u2019t drowning in the moment.<\/p>\n<p>Ethan explains that this is also often how we naturally speak to friends who are spiraling. However, we tend to forget to apply it to ourselves.<\/p>\n<p>And it\u2019s so simple. So much so that it can short-circuit rumination and bring clarity in seconds.<\/p>\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-2-zoom-your-perspective-out\">2. Zoom your perspective out<\/h3>\n<p>When emotions hijack your present, one of the fastest ways to <a href=\"https:\/\/blog.mindvalley.com\/how-to-ground-yourself\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">ground yourself<\/a> is to leave it. Mentally, at least.\u00a0<\/p>\n<p>In the interview, Ethan shares how he thinks about his grandmother, a Holocaust survivor, when his own stress feels oversized. \u201c<em>That ability to broaden my perspective is really helpful<\/em>,\u201d he says. \u201c<em>It could be a lot worse<\/em>.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>That kind of shift isn\u2019t about minimizing your feelings. It helps you reframe them.<\/p>\n<p>Plus, it shows you that storms pass. Because you\u2019ve been through plenty before.<\/p>\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-3-sensation-based-tools\">3. Sensation-based tools<\/h3>\n<p>Your senses are emotional shortcuts, and most of the time, you\u2019re using them without even realizing it.<\/p>\n<p>Ethan points to music as one of the most powerful tools we have for shifting state. A single song changed the mood of his entire household one Saturday morning. Since then, he\u2019s built a playlist he returns to anytime emotions feel stuck.<\/p>\n<p>Music (or sound, really) is just one entry point. So are scent, texture, taste, and even what you see. The senses offer immediate access to the nervous system, often bypassing the overthinking brain entirely.<\/p>\n<p>In his book, Ethan also explores how we physically relate to space. For instance, a cluttered room can increase stress. Stepping into nature, even for a few minutes, can lower <a href=\"https:\/\/blog.mindvalley.com\/emotional-reactivity\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">emotional reactivity<\/a>.<\/p>\n<p>The bottom line is, your shift doesn\u2019t need to be dramatic. What matters is that it\u2019s deliberate.<\/p>\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-4-expressive-writing\">4. Expressive writing<\/h3>\n<p>There\u2019s journaling, and then, there\u2019s expressive writing. The difference? One\u2019s about reflection, and the other\u2019s about release.<\/p>\n<p>The latter, simply, is putting your deepest emotions into words. It\u2019s unfiltered, uncensored, and raw.<\/p>\n<p>And there\u2019s something so clarifying in taking just 15 to 20 minutes of brain dumping onto paper. In fact, <a href=\"https:\/\/www.cambridge.org\/core\/journals\/advances-in-psychiatric-treatment\/article\/emotional-and-physical-health-benefits-of-expressive-writing\/ED2976A61F5DE56B46F07A1CE9EA9F9F\">research<\/a> shows that it helps to:<\/p>\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li>Reduce stress,<\/li>\n<li>Improve memory, and<\/li>\n<li>Help people make sense of emotionally charged experiences.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>\u201c<em>In 2020 my team administered <\/em><a href=\"https:\/\/pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov\/39143695\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\"><em>a large study on coping with anxiety during the COVID pandemic<\/em><\/a><em> in which we asked people to report on the tools they used each day to manage their anxiety<\/em>,\u201d writes Ethan in <em>Shift<\/em>. \u201c<em>Journaling was one of the most effective strategies<\/em>.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>That\u2019s the thing, right? While it requires only a pen and paper, it can truly help you shift from emotional overload to <a href=\"https:\/\/blog.mindvalley.com\/emotional-agility\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">emotional agility<\/a>.<\/p>\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-5-building-an-advisory-network\">5. Building an advisory network<\/h3>\n<p>Having a network of friends is wonderful. But when you feel like sh*t\u2019s about to hit the fan, you only need one or two to keep you steady.<\/p>\n<p>These are the friends who just nod and say, \u201c<em>That sucks<\/em>.\u201d They\u2019re also the ones who listen fully, then help you pull back and see the bigger picture.<\/p>\n<p>According to Ethan, this two-step support process:<\/p>\n<ol class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li><strong>Support, validate, and empathize.<\/strong> For example: \u201c<em>That sounds incredibly tough. I\u2019d probably feel the same way if I were in your shoes<\/em>.\u201d<\/li>\n<li><strong>Perspective broadening. <\/strong>Like, \u201c<em>You\u2019ve been through worse and came out stronger. What would you tell yourself if this were happening a year from now?<\/em>\u201d<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n<p>Not all your friends are capable of this responsibility, though. And that\u2019s okay.<\/p>\n<p>As Ethan points out in his book, \u201c<em>Not everybody can be everything to us. You can let people into your world without necessarily turning to them for help shifting<\/em>.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>But for the sake of your emotional health, do have one or two who can.<\/p>\n<blockquote class=\"instagram-media\" data-instgrm-permalink=\"https:\/\/www.instagram.com\/reel\/DK2hqM4TmWq\/?utm_source=ig_embed&amp;utm_campaign=loading\" data-instgrm-version=\"14\" style=\" background:#FFF; border:0; border-radius:3px; box-shadow:0 0 1px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.5),0 1px 10px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.15); margin: 1px; min-width:326px; padding:0; width:99.375%; width:-webkit-calc(100% - 2px); width:calc(100% - 2px);\"\/>\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-fuel-your-mind\">Fuel your mind<\/h2>\n<p>\u201c<em>Figuring out which ritual will help you in your quest for emotion regulation means looking at your life and identifying where you could use some help<\/em>,\u201d as is written in <em>Shift<\/em> by Ethan Kross.<\/p>\n<p>That\u2019s what the right read can do. It meets you where you are and shows you what\u2019s possible.<\/p>\n<p>When you <a href=\"https:\/\/www.mindvalley.com\/bookclub?utm_source=mv_blog\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\"><strong>join the Mindvalley Book Club<\/strong><\/a>, you get more than just a reading list. Every week, you\u2019ll receive:<\/p>\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li>Expert-curated recommendations<\/li>\n<li>Behind-the-scenes author insights<\/li>\n<li>Access to live Q&amp;As with authors like Ethan, where you hear directly from the person who wrote the book<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>Plus, it doesn\u2019t hurt that the Mindvalley Book Club is <em>completely free<\/em>. And it\u2019s built for readers who want more than the CliffNotes.<\/p>\n<p>Welcome in.<\/p>\n<\/p><\/div>\n<p><script async defer src=\"https:\/\/platform.instagram.com\/en_US\/embeds.js\"><\/script><br \/>\n<br \/><a href=\"https:\/\/hop.clickbank.net\/?affiliate=infohatch&amp;vendor=J1R2C\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"size-full wp-image-10614 aligncenter\" src=\"http:\/\/parmaks.com\/Resources\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/profit-gen400px.png\" alt=\"Profit Gen\" width=\"400\" height=\"217\" srcset=\"https:\/\/parmaks.com\/Resources\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/profit-gen400px.png 400w, https:\/\/parmaks.com\/Resources\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/profit-gen400px-300x163.png 300w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 400px) 100vw, 400px\" \/><\/a><br \/><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>You\u2019re exhausted from feeling everything all the time. The simmering tension before a Zoom call, the throb of regret at 2 a.m., or even the [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":11153,"comment_status":"","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[16],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-11152","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-happiness"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/parmaks.com\/Resources\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/11152","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/parmaks.com\/Resources\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/parmaks.com\/Resources\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/parmaks.com\/Resources\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/parmaks.com\/Resources\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=11152"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/parmaks.com\/Resources\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/11152\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/parmaks.com\/Resources\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/11153"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/parmaks.com\/Resources\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=11152"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/parmaks.com\/Resources\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=11152"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/parmaks.com\/Resources\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=11152"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}