{"id":11643,"date":"2025-10-02T18:54:59","date_gmt":"2025-10-02T22:54:59","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/parmaks.com\/Resources\/examples-effects-how-to-heal\/"},"modified":"2025-10-02T18:54:59","modified_gmt":"2025-10-02T22:54:59","slug":"examples-effects-how-to-heal","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/parmaks.com\/Resources\/examples-effects-how-to-heal\/","title":{"rendered":"Examples, Effects &#038; How to Heal"},"content":{"rendered":"<p> <a href=\"https:\/\/hop.clickbank.net\/?affiliate=infohatch&amp;vendor=J1R2C\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"size-full wp-image-10614 aligncenter\" src=\"http:\/\/parmaks.com\/Resources\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/profit-gen400px.png\" alt=\"Profit Gen\" width=\"400\" height=\"217\" srcset=\"https:\/\/parmaks.com\/Resources\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/profit-gen400px.png 400w, https:\/\/parmaks.com\/Resources\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/profit-gen400px-300x163.png 300w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 400px) 100vw, 400px\" \/><\/a><br \/>\n<\/p>\n<div>\n<p>What do Cinderella, Meredith Grey, and Lamar Odom have in common? They\u2019re all survivors of <strong>neglectful parenting<\/strong>.<\/p>\n<p>The truth is, many parents who fall into this pattern don\u2019t set out to neglect their children. (Well, in the case of Cinderella, Lady Tremaine might be an exception.) But when they\u2019re there in body and not in spirit, it\u2019s the children who suffer.<\/p>\n<p>The greatest tragedy of a parenting style such as this is spiritual. <strong>Dr. Shefali Tsabary<\/strong>, a clinical psychologist and best-selling author, warns that when you grow up disconnected from your authentic self, you pass that same disconnection on to your children.<\/p>\n<p>\u201c<em>This kind of cyclical abduction of authentic spirit, parent to child, parent to child, parent to child, continues over generations<\/em>,\u201d she explains in her Mindvalley program, <strong><em>Conscious Parenting Mastery<\/em><\/strong>.<\/p>\n<p>So the question becomes: are you passing on what you once endured? Or are you ready to pause, look in the mirror, and choose something different?<\/p>\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-what-is-neglectful-parenting-exactly\">What is neglectful parenting exactly?<\/h2>\n<p>Your teen would likely call it \u201cparenting on airplane mode.\u201d But the \u201cneglectful parenting\u201d definition is exactly what it sounds like: the parent stops showing up. There are no rules, no guidance, and no emotional presence.<\/p>\n<p>Also known as uninvolved parenting, this style is one of Diana Baumrind\u2019s four classic <a href=\"https:\/\/blog.mindvalley.com\/baumrind-parenting-styles\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">parenting styles<\/a> (together with <a href=\"https:\/\/blog.mindvalley.com\/authoritarian-vs-authoritative-parenting\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">authoritative, authoritarian<\/a>, and permissive types). And it\u2019s the kind where absence creeps in when you\u2019re\u2026<\/p>\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li>Burned out,<\/li>\n<li>Buried in stress, or<\/li>\n<li>Carrying your own unhealed wounds.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>You think you\u2019re just busy, or that your child needs independence, but what they actually need is <em>you<\/em>.<\/p>\n<p>That\u2019s what makes this style so damaging. When love and attention vanish, even unintentionally, your child learns to live without the very connection they crave most.<\/p>\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-neglectful-parenting-characteristics-that-mess-with-your-children\">Neglectful parenting characteristics that mess with your children<\/h2>\n<p>The neglectful parenting style doesn\u2019t always look like cruelty. It can slip in through the quieter ways you show up (or don\u2019t).<\/p>\n<p>Whether you mean to or not, these are <a href=\"https:\/\/books.google.com.my\/books\/about\/Handbook_of_Child_Psychology_Socializati.html?id=VUnuAAAAMAAJ&amp;redir_esc=y\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">the patterns experts say define it<\/a>:<\/p>\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li>Showing little to no emotional warmth toward your child<\/li>\n<li>Rarely communicating or checking in with them<\/li>\n<li>Skipping rules, boundaries, or guidance altogether<\/li>\n<li>Staying uninvolved in their school life, friendships, and daily routines<\/li>\n<li>Overlooking basic needs\u2014physical, emotional, or both<\/li>\n<li>Shrugging off their achievements or struggles<\/li>\n<li>Putting your stress, work, or substances first<\/li>\n<li>Failing to provide structure, routines, or consistency<\/li>\n<li>Expecting them to act independently before they\u2019re ready<\/li>\n<li>Handing off responsibility to siblings, relatives, or teachers<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>The thread that ties these together is <strong>low responsiveness and low involvement<\/strong>. They\u2019re the two hallmarks of neglectful parenting.<\/p>\n<figure class=\"wp-block-image aligncenter size-full\"><img fetchpriority=\"high\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"2000\" height=\"2443\" alt=\"Baumrind's parenting styles, highlighting neglectful parenting\" class=\"wp-image-78400\" srcset=\"https:\/\/storage.googleapis.com\/mv-prod-blog-en-assets\/2019\/06\/9daec52b-neglectful-parenting-baumrinds-parenting-styles-chart-mindvalley-blog-graphics.webp 2000w, https:\/\/storage.googleapis.com\/mv-prod-blog-en-assets\/2019\/06\/9daec52b-neglectful-parenting-baumrinds-parenting-styles-chart-mindvalley-blog-graphics-768x938.webp 768w, https:\/\/storage.googleapis.com\/mv-prod-blog-en-assets\/2019\/06\/9daec52b-neglectful-parenting-baumrinds-parenting-styles-chart-mindvalley-blog-graphics-1257x1536.webp 1257w, https:\/\/storage.googleapis.com\/mv-prod-blog-en-assets\/2019\/06\/9daec52b-neglectful-parenting-baumrinds-parenting-styles-chart-mindvalley-blog-graphics-1677x2048.webp 1677w\" data-lazy-sizes=\"(max-width: 2000px) 100vw, 2000px\" src=\"https:\/\/storage.googleapis.com\/mv-prod-blog-en-assets\/2019\/06\/9daec52b-neglectful-parenting-baumrinds-parenting-styles-chart-mindvalley-blog-graphics.webp\"\/><noscript><img fetchpriority=\"high\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"2000\" height=\"2443\" src=\"https:\/\/storage.googleapis.com\/mv-prod-blog-en-assets\/2019\/06\/9daec52b-neglectful-parenting-baumrinds-parenting-styles-chart-mindvalley-blog-graphics.webp\" alt=\"Baumrind's parenting styles, highlighting neglectful parenting\" class=\"wp-image-78400\" srcset=\"https:\/\/storage.googleapis.com\/mv-prod-blog-en-assets\/2019\/06\/9daec52b-neglectful-parenting-baumrinds-parenting-styles-chart-mindvalley-blog-graphics.webp 2000w, https:\/\/storage.googleapis.com\/mv-prod-blog-en-assets\/2019\/06\/9daec52b-neglectful-parenting-baumrinds-parenting-styles-chart-mindvalley-blog-graphics-768x938.webp 768w, https:\/\/storage.googleapis.com\/mv-prod-blog-en-assets\/2019\/06\/9daec52b-neglectful-parenting-baumrinds-parenting-styles-chart-mindvalley-blog-graphics-1257x1536.webp 1257w, https:\/\/storage.googleapis.com\/mv-prod-blog-en-assets\/2019\/06\/9daec52b-neglectful-parenting-baumrinds-parenting-styles-chart-mindvalley-blog-graphics-1677x2048.webp 1677w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 2000px) 100vw, 2000px\"\/><\/noscript><\/figure>\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-permissive-vs-neglectful-parenting-and-why-the-difference-matters\">Permissive vs. neglectful parenting and why the difference matters<\/h2>\n<p>At first glance, permissive and neglectful parenting might look the same, but the motivation behind each is what sets them apart.<\/p>\n<figure class=\"wp-block-table is-style-stripes\">\n<table class=\"has-fixed-layout\">\n<tbody>\n<tr>\n<td><strong>Aspect<\/strong><\/td>\n<td><strong>Neglectful parenting<\/strong><\/td>\n<td><strong>Permissive parenting<\/strong><\/td>\n<\/tr>\n<tr>\n<td><strong>Warmth &amp; love<\/strong><\/td>\n<td>Low warmth, distant or emotionally absent<\/td>\n<td>High warmth, affectionate, wants to be the \u201cfun\u201d parent<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n<tr>\n<td><strong>Rules &amp; boundaries<\/strong><\/td>\n<td>No rules, no structure<\/td>\n<td>Few rules, inconsistent limits<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n<tr>\n<td><strong>Involvement<\/strong><\/td>\n<td>Uninvolved in daily life, school, or friendships<\/td>\n<td>Highly involved emotionally but avoids discipline<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n<tr>\n<td><strong>Motivation<\/strong><\/td>\n<td>Distracted, stressed, or disinterested in parenting<\/td>\n<td>Avoids conflict, wants to keep child happy<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n<tr>\n<td><strong>Impact on child<\/strong><\/td>\n<td>Kids often feel unloved, unseen, and unsupported<\/td>\n<td>Kids may struggle with <a href=\"https:\/\/blog.mindvalley.com\/gain-self-control\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">gaining self-control<\/a> but feel loved<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n<\/tbody>\n<\/table>\n<\/figure>\n<p>Dr. Shefali, in her program, asks you to turn the mirror inward and notice how your own wounds, expectations, and baggage shape the way you show up as a parent.<\/p>\n<p>\u201c<em>This first step is the path to accountability<\/em>,\u201d she says. \u201c<em>It forces you to face your hidden agendas and unspoken expectations<\/em>.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>That\u2019s why it matters to know the difference between permissive and uninvolved parenting. Without that awareness, you risk excusing neglect as being \u201claid-back.\u201d With it, you can set limits with love instead of leaving your child to wonder if you care at all.<\/p>\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-neglectful-parenting-examples-you-should-pay-attention-to\">Neglectful parenting examples you should pay attention to<\/h2>\n<p>Lady Tremaine\u2019s <a href=\"https:\/\/blog.mindvalley.com\/stepparenting\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">stepparenting<\/a> methods, Ellis Grey\u2019s emotional neglect, and Joe Odom\u2019s disinterest in fatherhood are textbook examples of neglectful parents.<\/p>\n<p>But this style isn\u2019t always reserved for headlines or fairy tales. Here are some other ways it can show up:<\/p>\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li><strong>The parent scrolls on their phone through dinner while their child tells a story.<\/strong> The moment for connection passes, and the child learns their words don\u2019t matter.<\/li>\n<li><strong>The child stays home from school sick, but no one checks in or brings them food. <\/strong>Illness becomes just another lonely day.<\/li>\n<li><strong>The child puts their younger sibling to bed every night<\/strong> because the parent is \u201ctoo tired.\u201d Responsibility replaces childhood.<\/li>\n<li><strong>The teenager brings home a report card, and the parent doesn\u2019t even glance at it. <\/strong>That silence tells them their efforts aren\u2019t worth noticing.<\/li>\n<li><strong>The child cries after being bullied, and the parent brushes it off with, \u201c<\/strong><strong><em>You\u2019ll toughen up<\/em><\/strong><strong>.\u201d <\/strong>Pain turns into silence, and silence into shame.<\/li>\n<li><strong>A dental appointment is missed because the parent never scheduled it.<\/strong> The child learns that their health isn\u2019t a priority.<\/li>\n<li><strong>A birthday passes with no card, no cake, not even an acknowledgment. <\/strong>The absence stings more than any words could.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>The thing is, sometimes, the neglect isn\u2019t obvious until years later. For instance, in <a href=\"https:\/\/www.huffpost.com\/entry\/mom-childhood-abuse-look-at-us-now-film_n_68b721cce4b0cd019d230be6\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">an article on HuffPost<\/a>, filmmaker Gayle Kirschenbaum has shared how her mother\u2019s constant criticism and lack of emotional warmth shaped her well into adulthood. In fact, her documentary, <em>Look at Us Now, Mother!<\/em>, traces how growing up without validation left deep <a href=\"https:\/\/blog.mindvalley.com\/mother-wound\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">mother wounds<\/a>.<\/p>\n<p>Stories like hers show how easily neglect passes from one generation to the next. And that\u2019s the moment to ask yourself: are you carrying the cycle forward or breaking it?<\/p>\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-how-does-neglectful-parenting-affect-the-child\">How does neglectful parenting affect the child?<\/h2>\n<p>Neglectful parenting leaves children without the steady love, structure, and support they need to thrive. Instead of growing up feeling secure, <a href=\"https:\/\/www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov\/books\/NBK568743\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">studies<\/a> show that they\u2019ll likely struggle with:<\/p>\n<p>The thing is, these scars might not show up on their skin, but they leave deep imprints that shape who your child becomes as an adult.<\/p>\n<p>Take Lamar Odom, for instance. He\u2019s spoken openly about losing his mother to cancer at age 12 and growing up with a largely absent father. His struggles with <a href=\"https:\/\/blog.mindvalley.com\/overcoming-addiction\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">overcoming addiction<\/a> and self-worth show how deeply childhood neglect can echo into adult life.<\/p>\n<p>Mindvalley member from Canada, <a href=\"https:\/\/stories.mindvalley.com\/show\/conscious-parenting-mastery\/i-m-happy-i-found-this-quest-as-i-wasn-t-sure-where-to-start-or-how\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">Samantha Aziz<\/a>, too, felt the disconnect with her parents. Her feelings were \u201c<em>NEVER addressed, heard, or empathized<\/em>.\u201d Only in her adulthood did she realize how much it affected her current relationship, and it\u2019s not something she wants for her children.<\/p>\n<p>In his work, Dr. Gabor Mat\u00e9, an expert in child development, explains that the real damage of absenteeism isn\u2019t just the pain your child feels in the moment. It\u2019s how it warps their sense of self and their place in the world for years afterward.<\/p>\n<p>\u201c<em>All too often these ill-conditioned implicit beliefs become self-fulfilling prophecies in our lives<\/em>,\u201d he highlights in his book, <a href=\"https:\/\/books.google.com.my\/books\/about\/In_the_Realm_of_Hungry_Ghosts.html?id=MvD8hV6hxnMC&amp;redir_esc=y\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\"><em>In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts: Close Encounters with Addiction<\/em><\/a>. \u201c<em>We create meanings from our unconscious interpretation of early events, and then we forge our present experiences from the meaning we\u2019ve created<\/em>.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u201c<em>I\u2019m unlovable<\/em>\u201d and \u201c<em>I don\u2019t matter<\/em>\u201d become unconscious scripts. And unless you interrupt them, they dictate how your child learns to love, work, and see themselves long after childhood ends.<\/p>\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-when-to-seek-professional-help-for-your-child-s-well-being\">When to seek professional help for your child\u2019s well-being<\/h3>\n<p>Every child has rough days. But <strong>if you notice your child with ongoing sadness, anxiety, withdrawal, sudden aggression, or behaviors that seem far beyond their age, it\u2019s time to pay attention.<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>Dr. Nadine Burke Harris, a pediatrician and leading voice on childhood trauma, explains that chronic neglect is one of the Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs) that do more than hurt emotionally. As she explains in her <a href=\"https:\/\/youtu.be\/95ovIJ3dsNk?feature=shared\">TED talk<\/a>, they \u201c<em>literally get under our skin and change our physiology<\/em>.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>The landmark <a href=\"https:\/\/pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov\/9635069\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">ACE study<\/a> asked over 17,000 adults about their childhoods and then tracked their health outcomes. The results were hard to ignore: two-thirds had at least one ACE, and one in eight had four or more. And the more ACEs stacked up, <strong>the higher the risk of serious health problems later in life<\/strong>.<\/p>\n<p>According to Dr. Harris, these experiences can alter the child\u2019s brain, disrupt their stress hormones, weaken their immune system, and set them up for depression, addiction, and even chronic disease down the line.<\/p>\n<p>So what this means for you is simple: getting help for your child now is the step that protects their future.<\/p>\n<p><strong><em>This information is for educational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional medical advice. If you\u2019re concerned about your child\u2019s mental or physical health, please consult a qualified healthcare provider.<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-why-might-parents-neglect-their-children-according-to-psychology\">Why might parents neglect their children, according to psychology?<\/h2>\n<p>Stress, trauma, or personal struggles overwhelm anyone\u2019s ability to stay present. So if you\u2019re going through mental health issues, substance use, burnout, and even repeating the patterns they grew up with, they can all quietly push connection out of reach.<\/p>\n<p>Here\u2019s how psychology explains the most common causes.<\/p>\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li><strong>Mental health struggles.<\/strong> If you\u2019re battling depression or anxiety, even simple routines, like making meals, listening with patience, and hugging back, can feel impossible. Research shows depression, in particular, <a href=\"https:\/\/europepmc.org\/article\/MED\/12201162\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">drains the energy and responsiveness children rely on<\/a>.<\/li>\n<li><strong>Stress and life pressures. <\/strong>When you\u2019re juggling poverty, unstable housing, or endless shifts at work, survival takes priority. <a href=\"https:\/\/www.sciencedirect.com\/science\/article\/abs\/pii\/S0190740923000749\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">Chronic stress can drain you to the point where you emotionally and physically withdraw<\/a> from your children.<\/li>\n<li><strong>Substance use. <\/strong>Addiction hijacks focus and judgment. It scrambles routines and makes caregiving inconsistent, which is why researchers consistently name <a href=\"https:\/\/link.springer.com\/chapter\/10.1007\/978-3-030-82479-2_12\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">substance use as one of the strongest predictors of neglect<\/a>.<\/li>\n<li><strong>Burnout and feeling \u201c<\/strong><a href=\"https:\/\/blog.mindvalley.com\/not-good-enough\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\"><strong>not good enough<\/strong><\/a><strong>.\u201d<\/strong> Some parents run themselves ragged trying to be perfect, then collapse under the weight of burnout. Studies show this sense of exhaustion and self-doubt can <a href=\"https:\/\/www.researchgate.net\/publication\/363838863_PARENTAL_BURNOUT_POVERTY_AND_NEGLECT_The_Missing_Link_Between_Poverty_and_Child_Maltreatment_Parental_Burnout\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">cause parents to emotionally check out<\/a>, even if they care deeply.<\/li>\n<li><strong>History repeating itself.<\/strong> If you grew up with neglect, you may unintentionally repeat the same patterns. One study found that <a href=\"https:\/\/pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov\/articles\/PMC6072567\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">parents who were denied warmth as children are more likely to struggle with giving it later<\/a>.<\/li>\n<li><strong>Social and cultural context.<\/strong> Parenting doesn\u2019t happen in a vacuum. A lack of support, or cultural beliefs that children should be \u201cindependent\u201d early, can <a href=\"https:\/\/link.springer.com\/article\/10.1007\/s44202-024-00283-7\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">leave you less responsive than you mean to be<\/a>.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>While psychology highlights the many pressures, Dr. Shefali pushes the conversation deeper. She emphasizes that parenting is less about the child\u2019s behavior and more about the parent\u2019s own wounds, hidden agendas, and unmet expectations.<\/p>\n<p>\u201c<em>No one wants to talk about the truth of them; we keep them hidden in the shadows of our parenting<\/em>,\u201d she says.<\/p>\n<p>\u201c<em>It is now time to take them out of the dark and into the light of our conscious awareness. This is what the journey of awakening is all about<\/em>.\u201d<\/p>\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-how-to-heal-and-transform-neglectful-parenting-before-it-s-too-late\">How to heal and transform neglectful parenting before it\u2019s too late<\/h2>\n<p>Imagine if Lady Tremaine, Ellis Grey, and Joe Odom had done the work of healing past trauma. What kind of people would Cinderella, Meredith, and Lamar have become? What would the world be like then for them?<\/p>\n<blockquote class=\"wp-block-quote is-layout-flow wp-block-quote-is-layout-flow\">\n<p>It\u2019s important to separate who you are from who each of your children is.<\/p>\n<p><cite>\u2014 Dr. Shefali Tsabary, trainer of Mindvalley\u2019s Conscious Parenting Mastery program<\/cite><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p>While you can\u2019t rewrite your past, you can shape your present. And in doing so, change your child\u2019s future.<\/p>\n<p>\u201c<em>The quest for wholeness can never begin on the external level<\/em>,\u201d says Dr. Shefali. \u201c<em>It is always an inside job<\/em>.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Here are a few of her most powerful insights to help you take that first step to <a href=\"https:\/\/blog.mindvalley.com\/conscious-parenting\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">conscious parenting<\/a> mastery.<\/p>\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-1-pause-before-you-parent-nbsp\">1. Pause before you parent\u00a0<\/h3>\n<p>Every parent is familiar with the tantrums, defiance, and simple disobedience. And when emotions run high, most of us tend to react before we\u2019ve had a chance to check in with ourselves. So we snap, we punish, or we withdraw.<\/p>\n<p>\u201c<em>Now, the child has to rebel or debate or negotiate or argue<\/em>,\u201d Dr. Shefali says. Can\u2019t feel great for our children, can it?\u00a0<\/p>\n<p>She goes on to explain, \u201c<em>If the parent had simply taken a pause and understood that she was about to project, none of this would have been relevant<\/em>.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>That\u2019s the importance of what she calls the conscious pause. You enter a space of observation and reflect on what you\u2019re feeling without outward action.<\/p>\n<p>Ask yourself:<\/p>\n<p><em>Am I responding from a place of worthiness right now?<\/em><br \/><em>Is this reaction really helping my child, or just feeding my ego?<\/em><br \/><em>Am I seeing what\u2019s happening in this moment, or just replaying old habits?<\/em><\/p>\n<p>If it helps, do a little <a href=\"https:\/\/blog.mindvalley.com\/mindful-breathing\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">mindful breathing<\/a>. Place your hand on your heart, breathe in and out slowly five times.<\/p>\n<p>By regulating yourself first, you show your child that big emotions can be managed with awareness. Over time, this builds trust and safety, because your child learns they can come to you without fear of explosive reactions.<\/p>\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-2-see-the-real-child-not-the-fantasy-child\">2. See the real child, not the \u201cfantasy child\u201d<\/h3>\n<p>\u201c<em>When you parent, it\u2019s crucial you realize you aren\u2019t raising a \u2018mini me,\u2019<\/em>\u201d advises Dr. Shefali. \u201c<em>It\u2019s important to separate who you are from who each of your children is<\/em>.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Sure, we all have this idea of the kind of person we want our children to be. But the thing is, neglect can start here\u2014when parents withdraw because the real child doesn\u2019t match their dream child.<\/p>\n<p>\u201c<em>If the weight of our expectations is a lot on them, and they feel that heavy burden, well, what\u2019ll happen eventually?<\/em>\u201d she poses. \u201c<em>They are going to buckle under this pressure, and they\u2019re going to begin to break, and so will our connection to them<\/em>.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>That\u2019s what research shows, too. One study found that when parents are involved in a supportive way, expectations can help children grow more responsible. But when expectations come mainly from pressure or stress, they can <a href=\"https:\/\/www.tandfonline.com\/doi\/full\/10.1080\/03004430.2025.2538227?src=\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">overshadow who the child really is and what they actually need<\/a>.<\/p>\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/stories.mindvalley.com\/show\/conscious-parenting-mastery\/i-am-a-better-parent-but-first-of-all-i-am-a-better-human-now\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">Ana<\/a>, one of Dr. Shefali\u2019s students from Poland, realized how her daily choices influence her children\u2019s experiences. \u201c<em>I listen more than I speak now<\/em>,\u201d she shares, and in doing so, she noticed positive shifts at home.<\/p>\n<p>The conscious shift is to practice seeing your child as they are in the moment. Instead of asking them why they aren\u2019t listening, try \u201c<em>What do you need right now?<\/em>\u201d<\/p>\n<p>This reframing turns your parenting into an act of discovery rather than control. It also frees your child from the burden of living up to your parental projections.<\/p>\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-3-de-prioritize-performance-prioritize-presence\">3. De-prioritize performance; prioritize presence<\/h3>\n<p>In all honesty, how often do you catch yourself worrying about grades, trophies, or how your child looks in front of others?\u00a0<\/p>\n<p>Culture has trained us to obsess over performance. And our children\u2019s actions, as Dr. Shefali points out, are \u201c<em>good or bad or positive or negative<\/em>.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Ellis Grey is a prime example of this. She was consumed by performance, reputation, and success. And Meredith grew up believing she was only valuable if she excelled, and the emotional cost followed her into her adult years.<\/p>\n<p>That\u2019s the danger of performance-first parenting. But the truth is, when you focus too much on outcomes, your child feels invisible. They start to believe they\u2019re only worthy when they achieve.<\/p>\n<p>Dr. Shefali also points out that a test score is not your child\u2019s soul. What they need most from you is <em>presence<\/em>. That means listening, noticing, and celebrating effort, curiosity, and the spark of who they are without trying to mold them into something else.<\/p>\n<p>So when a poor grade comes home, <em>don\u2019t panic<\/em>. Instead, see it as an opening to discover who your child really is and what lights them up.<\/p>\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-4-use-safe-natural-consequences-instead-of-power-struggles\">4. Use safe natural consequences instead of power struggles<\/h3>\n<p>Raise your hand if you\u2019ve experienced this:<\/p>\n<p>It\u2019s 7:30 a.m. The bus is coming, your child is refusing to eat breakfast, and suddenly you\u2019re in a battle of wills. You\u2019re pleading, threatening, maybe even raising your voice. Deep down, you\u2019re terrified they\u2019ll be hungry, cranky, or judged as <em>that kid<\/em> at school.<\/p>\n<p>These daily clashes are <em>exhausting<\/em>. And yet, they rarely teach the lesson you hope they will.\u00a0<\/p>\n<p>Instead of learning responsibility, your child learns resistance. Instead of building trust, you both end up frustrated and disconnected.<\/p>\n<p>This is what <a href=\"https:\/\/stories.mindvalley.com\/show\/conscious-parenting-mastery\/the-quest-has-given-me-a-more-confident-approach-to-my-parenting\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">Giuseppina Gawthorpe<\/a>, a meditation and mindfulness coach from the U.K., experienced. \u201c<em>I projected my own needs and insecurities onto my son<\/em>,\u201d she shares and was referred to as \u201cshouty mummy.\u201d (The irony is, it\u2019s the same behavior she endured growing up.)<\/p>\n<p>What can you do about it? Dr. Shefali suggests letting your child experience the safe, natural consequence of their choice.<\/p>\n<p>Skip breakfast? Their stomach will remind them.<br \/>Leave their jacket behind? The cold air will teach them.<br \/>Forget homework? Their teacher will handle it.<\/p>\n<p>These small, real-world consequences are far more effective teachers than your <a href=\"https:\/\/blog.mindvalley.com\/lawnmower-parents\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">lawnmower parenting<\/a> could ever be. And when you step back, you teach your child accountability and preserve the connection they need most from you.<\/p>\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-5-out-connect-the-screens\">5. Out-connect the screens<\/h3>\n<p>Oh, technology. Doomed if we do (use it), doomed if we don\u2019t (use it).<\/p>\n<p>And children nowadays are <em>immersed<\/em> in it. Every ding, swipe, and flash is designed to hold their attention and give them a quick hit of connection. It\u2019s powerful.<\/p>\n<p>But here\u2019s where we as parents often trip: our own boundaries.<\/p>\n<p>\u201c<em>We parents, we think we\u2019re being clear<\/em>,\u201d says Dr. Shefali, \u201c<em>but we just don\u2019t realize how many mixed messages we\u2019re sending<\/em>.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Think about how screens usually play out at home. One moment, you hand your kids the iPad because you\u2019re busy. The next moment, you \u201c<em>just carte blanche take it away from them.<\/em>\u201d<\/p>\n<p>That can be confusing for your child. No wonder they push back.<\/p>\n<p>The antidote, though, isn\u2019t to fight screens but to outshine them with something deeper: your presence.\u00a0<\/p>\n<p>Dr. Shefali suggests 10 minutes of undistracted, phone-free time each day, doing what your child chooses, can do more than hours of lectures. Combine that with clear, consistent limits, and screens stop being a battlefield.<\/p>\n<p><strong><em>Want more parenting insights from Dr. Shefali? Watch her Mindvalley stage talk:<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n<figure class=\"wp-block-embed aligncenter is-type-video is-provider-youtube wp-block-embed-youtube wp-embed-aspect-16-9 wp-has-aspect-ratio\">\n<p>\n<iframe loading=\"lazy\" title=\"What is Great Parenting? Become A Better Parent |  Dr. Shefali Tsabary with Vishen Lakhiani\" width=\"640\" height=\"360\" src=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/embed\/Y-OqMHxspaE?feature=oembed\" frameborder=\"0\" allow=\"accelerometer; autoplay; clipboard-write; encrypted-media; gyroscope; picture-in-picture; web-share\" referrerpolicy=\"strict-origin-when-cross-origin\" allowfullscreen><\/iframe><noscript><iframe loading=\"lazy\" title=\"What is Great Parenting? Become A Better Parent |  Dr. Shefali Tsabary with Vishen Lakhiani\" width=\"640\" height=\"360\" src=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/embed\/Y-OqMHxspaE?feature=oembed\" frameborder=\"0\" allow=\"accelerometer; autoplay; clipboard-write; encrypted-media; gyroscope; picture-in-picture; web-share\" referrerpolicy=\"strict-origin-when-cross-origin\" allowfullscreen><\/iframe><\/noscript>\n<\/p><figcaption class=\"wp-element-caption\">What is Great Parenting? Become a Better Parent | Dr. Shefali Tsabary with Vishen Lakhiani<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-heal-rise-thrive\">Heal. Rise. Thrive.<\/h2>\n<p>So much of parenting happens on autopilot. We repeat the patterns we inherited from our own parents. We cling to cultural myths about what makes a \u201cgood\u201d child or a \u201cgood\u201d parent. And without realizing it, we project our own fears and expectations onto our children.<\/p>\n<p>Dr. Shefali Tsabary\u2019s <strong><em>Conscious Parenting Mastery<\/em><\/strong> program on Mindvalley is designed to break that cycle. Across 35 days, she guides you through the exact shifts that turn parenting from control and correction into connection and compassion. You\u2019ll learn how to\u2026<\/p>\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li>pause instead of projecting,<\/li>\n<li>engage with empathy instead of expectation, and<\/li>\n<li>raise your child without judgment or labels.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>Thousands of parents have learned her method. One of them is <a href=\"https:\/\/stories.mindvalley.com\/show\/conscious-parenting-mastery\/her-courses-have-taken-me-on-a-journey-through-the-deconstruction-of-my-repressed-childhood-trauma-and-social-familial-conditioning\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">Clint Harman<\/a>, an AutoCAD designer from the U.S., who describes how Dr. Shefali\u2019s wisdom spoke directly to both his pain and his renewal. He shares:<\/p>\n<blockquote class=\"wp-block-quote is-layout-flow wp-block-quote-is-layout-flow\">\n<p>Her courses have taken me on a journey through the deconstruction of my repressed childhood trauma and social\/familial conditioning and back to a place of wholeness and love.<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n<p>Now, <strong><em>you can <\/em><\/strong><a href=\"https:\/\/blog.mindvalley.com\/free-classes\/conscious-parenting-mastery\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\"><strong><em>access one of the program\u2019s lessons for free<\/em><\/strong><\/a>. It\u2019s a chance to experience the transformative power of <em>Conscious Parenting Mastery<\/em> firsthand, and to begin nurturing not only your child\u2019s growth but also your own.<\/p>\n<p>Welcome in.<\/p>\n<\/p><\/div>\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/hop.clickbank.net\/?affiliate=infohatch&amp;vendor=J1R2C\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"size-full wp-image-10614 aligncenter\" src=\"http:\/\/parmaks.com\/Resources\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/profit-gen400px.png\" alt=\"Profit Gen\" width=\"400\" height=\"217\" srcset=\"https:\/\/parmaks.com\/Resources\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/profit-gen400px.png 400w, https:\/\/parmaks.com\/Resources\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/profit-gen400px-300x163.png 300w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 400px) 100vw, 400px\" \/><\/a><br \/><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>What do Cinderella, Meredith Grey, and Lamar Odom have in common? They\u2019re all survivors of neglectful parenting. The truth is, many parents who fall into [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":11644,"comment_status":"","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[16],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-11643","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-happiness"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/parmaks.com\/Resources\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/11643","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/parmaks.com\/Resources\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/parmaks.com\/Resources\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/parmaks.com\/Resources\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/parmaks.com\/Resources\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=11643"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/parmaks.com\/Resources\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/11643\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/parmaks.com\/Resources\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/11644"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/parmaks.com\/Resources\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=11643"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/parmaks.com\/Resources\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=11643"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/parmaks.com\/Resources\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=11643"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}