{"id":12825,"date":"2026-04-22T22:17:52","date_gmt":"2026-04-23T02:17:52","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/parmaks.com\/Resources\/the-dream-youre-chasing-might-not-be-yours\/"},"modified":"2026-04-22T22:17:52","modified_gmt":"2026-04-23T02:17:52","slug":"the-dream-youre-chasing-might-not-be-yours","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/parmaks.com\/Resources\/the-dream-youre-chasing-might-not-be-yours\/","title":{"rendered":"The Dream You\u2019re Chasing Might Not Be Yours"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"Profit<\/a>
\n<\/p>\n

\n

It was close to 11 PM in Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia. I was done. I\u2019d woken up at 7, worked non-stop for ten hours, and I was burned out in the way only founders understand \u2014 that bone-deep kind of tired where the only thing you want in the world is the pillow.\u00a0<\/p>\n

But I had one more call on my calendar. It was with Srikumar Rao<\/a> \u2014 an MBA professor and, at the time, just one of the many American authors Mindvalley was publishing. Back then, these late-night calls with US-based authors were normal for me.<\/p>\n

I was dreading this one. My only job was to run through the items on the agenda, be polite, and get off the phone so I could sleep.<\/p>\n

What I wasn\u2019t expecting was that the man on the other end of the line was about to become one of the most profound influences in my life. And it would begin with a poem.<\/p>\n

A few minutes into the call, Rao paused and said, \u201cHey Vishen, is everything okay? You sound stressed.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n

I wasn\u2019t about to admit it. \u201cNo, no, it\u2019s all good. It\u2019s just kind of late over here, but I\u2019m happy to talk.\u201d<\/p>\n

He paused again. \u201cHang on. Let\u2019s stop for a second. May I read you a poem?\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n

My first thought, honestly: I do not have time for this.<\/em> It was the last thing in the world I wanted. But Rao was an important connection, and I didn\u2019t want to be rude.\u00a0<\/p>\n

So I asked, trying to hide my frustration, \u201cHow long is it?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cJust listen,\u201d<\/em> he said.<\/p>\n

And then he read me these words. I\u2019m going to share them in full. Read them once. Then read them again. Notice what happens in your body:<\/p>\n

When I run after what I think I want,<\/em> my days are a furnace of distress and anxiety;<\/em>\u00a0
If I sit in my own place of patience,<\/em> what I need flows to me, and without any pain.<\/em>\u00a0
From this I understand that<\/em> what I want also wants me,<\/em> is looking for me and attracting me.<\/em>\u00a0
There is a great secret in this<\/em> for anyone who can grasp it.<\/em>
\u2014 Rumi<\/p>\n

When he finished, I didn\u2019t say anything for a moment. I don\u2019t think I could.<\/p>\n

Then Rao explained what the poem was really about. He said: Vishen, if you were truly doing what is in your dharma \u2014 what your soul came here to do \u2014 you wouldn\u2019t be experiencing this level of stress.<\/em><\/p>\n

Dharma<\/h2>\n

Dharma<\/em> is a Sanskrit word that doesn\u2019t really translate cleanly into English. It\u2019s something like your soul\u2019s duty. Your cosmic role. The path your life is meant to move along if nothing is interfering with it. In the Indian traditions, it\u2019s the quiet understanding that you came here to do something specific, and when you\u2019re doing it, the universe seems to open doors for you. When you\u2019re not, doors close. Things get heavy. The work that used to energize you starts to feel like dragging a boulder uphill.<\/p>\n

Here\u2019s what Rao was really telling me that night, hidden inside a thirteenth-century poem: the stress I was feeling wasn\u2019t a time management problem. It wasn\u2019t a productivity problem. It wasn\u2019t even a business problem.<\/em><\/p>\n

It was a signal.<\/p>\n

A signal that somewhere in my life, I was chasing something that wasn\u2019t actually mine. Running after what I thought<\/em> I wanted. And as Rumi said \u2014 when you do that, your days become a furnace of distress and anxiety. Not because you\u2019re lazy. Not because you\u2019re not working hard enough. But because you\u2019re pouring your finite, precious life force into a goal your soul never actually signed up for.<\/p>\n

It took me two years to really understand what Rao had handed me on that call. But when I finally did, it rearranged my entire life.<\/p>\n

I know this painfully, because I got it catastrophically wrong<\/h2>\n

Years before that call with Rao, I had what on paper was one of the greatest experiences of my young life.<\/p>\n

I was a computer science major at the University of Michigan, and I had been selected for the Microsoft internship. This was the mid-nineties. Working for Microsoft back then was like working for Apple or Google today. I was one of about 1% of applicants who\u2019d made it in. I was part of a gifted cohort. And during that internship, I was invited \u2014 along with the other interns \u2014 to Bill Gates\u2019 home.<\/p>\n

It was the most beautiful home I had ever seen in my life.<\/p>\n

I remember standing there, in Bill\u2019s house, thinking about my grandfather, who had believed in me so deeply. My parents, who had sacrificed so much to put me through an American education. Everything had worked. Everything. The Malaysian kid had made it to the top of the mountain the world had told him to climb.<\/p>\n

And I felt nothing.<\/p>\n

Not nothing exactly. I felt impressed with myself. I felt proud. I felt validated. But underneath all of that \u2014 in the quiet place Rumi was pointing at \u2014 there was an unmistakable feeling of: this isn\u2019t mine.<\/em><\/p>\n

I lasted eleven weeks at Microsoft before I got myself fired.<\/p>\n

As I boarded the taxi out of Sea-Tac Airport, part of me felt like a complete failure. But another part of me was quietly, almost embarrassingly, elated.<\/em> Because for the first time in years, I could feel what my own soul actually wanted. And it wasn\u2019t that.<\/p>\n

I just didn\u2019t have the language for it yet. I wouldn\u2019t get that language until Rao read me Rumi, years later.<\/p>\n

The two kinds of wanting<\/h2>\n

Here\u2019s the distinction Rumi was pointing at, and what it\u2019s taken me two decades of building Mindvalley to fully metabolize:<\/p>\n

There are two completely different kinds of wanting, and most of us can\u2019t tell them apart.<\/p>\n

The first comes from ego<\/strong>. It arrives with urgency. It says: I need this so I\u2019ll finally have enough. I need this to prove something. I need this before someone else gets there first.<\/em> Ego desire carries the signature of who you\u2019re trying to become for other people.<\/em> When you sit with it quietly \u2014 no phone, no distractions \u2014 it feels like tension. Like performance. Like rehearsing a version of yourself for an audience.<\/p>\n

The second comes from soul<\/strong>. It doesn\u2019t feel like hunger. It feels like recognition. Like remembering something you already knew. It carries the signature of who you already are. When you sit with it, it feels like relief. Like exhaling. Like coming home to a house you didn\u2019t know you\u2019d left.<\/p>\n

Same outward behavior \u2014 a person working hard, building, striving. Completely different engine underneath.<\/p>\n

And here\u2019s the uncomfortable truth: the manifesting industry has spent forty years teaching us to visualize harder, affirm louder, and vision-board bigger \u2014 without ever asking whether the thing we\u2019re trying to pull into our lives is actually ours in the first place.<\/p>\n

You cannot manifest your way out of a life that isn\u2019t yours.<\/p>\n

What the science says<\/h2>\n

Harvard psychologist Dan Gilbert spent his career studying something called affective forecasting<\/strong> \u2014 the way we predict how future achievements will make us feel. His landmark research, laid out in his book Stumbling on Happiness<\/em>, shows that we overestimate the emotional payoff of our goals by 200 to 300%.\u00a0<\/p>\n

Our \u201cpsychological immune system\u201d levels us out far faster than we expect.<\/p>\n

Translation: if you\u2019re chasing a goal because of how you think<\/em> it will make you feel when you get there, you are almost certainly wrong about the feeling. And you\u2019re burning years of your finite life to find out.<\/p>\n

This is what standing in Bill Gates\u2019 house at twenty-one taught me in my body \u2014 years before I had the research to name it. I had achieved the thing. And the thing did not deliver the feeling I\u2019d been promised it would deliver.<\/p>\n

Because the goal wasn\u2019t mine.<\/p>\n

How to tell them apart in your body<\/h2>\n

Here\u2019s what I\u2019ve learned to feel for, and what I now teach people in our work at Mindvalley.<\/p>\n

Ego desire arrives with urgency and tightness.<\/strong> Your jaw clenches. Your shoulders creep up. There\u2019s a constant hum of not enough<\/em> underneath the ambition. You check metrics obsessively. You compare yourself to peers and feel either superior or crushed \u2014 never at peace. You fantasize about the announcement<\/em> of the achievement more than the achievement itself. When you finally get it, there\u2019s relief for about 11 days. Then the goalposts move.<\/p>\n

Soul desire shows up differently.<\/strong> It\u2019s warm and expansive. It lives in your chest, not your jaw. You think about it and feel energy, not anxiety. You\u2019d do the work even if nobody watched. It doesn\u2019t need external validation to feel real \u2014 though validation may come. And when you achieve it, there\u2019s a quiet yes<\/em> that doesn\u2019t fade. Not euphoria. Something deeper. Alignment.<\/p>\n

Try this right now. Pick a goal you\u2019re currently pursuing. Close your eyes for ten seconds. Feel into it.<\/p>\n

Does it feel like reaching or remembering?<\/em><\/p>\n

That\u2019s your answer.<\/p>\n

The voice you\u2019re running on<\/h2>\n

Read this slowly and be honest. No judgment.<\/p>\n

\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n
Ego desires feel like:<\/strong><\/th>\nSoul desires feel like:<\/strong><\/th>\n<\/tr>\n<\/thead>\n
\u201cWhat will they think of me?\u201d<\/td>\n\u201cThis is who I\u2019m here to become.\u201d<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
\u201cI just need to prove I can do it.\u201d<\/td>\n\u201cThis feels light, easeful, right.\u201d<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
\u201cMore. Bigger. Faster.\u201d<\/td>\n\u201cPeace and<\/em> ambition? Yes, please.\u201d<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
\u201cOnce I get this, I\u2019ll finally have enough.\u201d<\/td>\n\u201cI am already enough. This is just expression.\u201d<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
\u201cI need to catch up.\u201d<\/td>\n\u201cI am exactly where I need to be.\u201d<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
\u201cI\u2019ll rest when I\u2019ve made it.\u201d<\/td>\n\u201cRest is part of how I create.\u201d<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
\u201cIf I slow down, someone takes my place.\u201d<\/td>\n\u201cWhat\u2019s meant for me cannot miss me.\u201d<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
\u201cI need to be the best.\u201d<\/td>\n\u201cI need to be the most honest.\u201d<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
\u201cWhy isn\u2019t it happening faster?\u201d<\/td>\n\u201cIt\u2019s already happening \u2014 I can feel it.\u201d<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n<\/tbody>\n<\/table>\n<\/figure>\n

Now notice what those voices produce in real life. Actual goals. Actual sentences you say to yourself or post on Instagram:<\/p>\n

\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n
Ego desire (sounds like):<\/strong><\/th>\nSoul desire (sounds like):<\/strong><\/th>\n<\/tr>\n<\/thead>\n
\u201cI need to hit $1M in the next 6 months.\u201d<\/td>\n\u201cI want to build something that outlives me.\u201d<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
\u201cI need to become a doctor so my parents are proud.\u201d<\/td>\n\u201cI want to heal people because it lights me up.\u201d<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
\u201cI need a bigger house than my neighbor.\u201d<\/td>\n\u201cI want a home where my family feels safe and creative.\u201d<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
\u201cI need 100K followers to be taken seriously.\u201d<\/td>\n\u201cI want to share ideas that help people think differently.\u201d<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
\u201cI need to prove I\u2019m successful before my reunion.\u201d<\/td>\n\u201cI want to wake up excited about my work every day.\u201d<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
\u201cI need to be the best in my industry.\u201d<\/td>\n\u201cI want to do work that feels honest and alive.\u201d<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n<\/tbody>\n<\/table>\n<\/figure>\n

Notice the pattern.<\/p>\n

Ego desires are about proving, comparing, and arriving.<\/strong> Soul desires are about expressing, contributing, and becoming.<\/strong><\/p>\n

One is driven by not enough.<\/em> The other is driven by who I am.<\/em><\/p>\n

Why this is the real reason manifesting stops working<\/h2>\n

When you try to manifest from ego, your visualization gets contaminated.\u00a0<\/p>\n

The vision board says freedom and abundance.<\/em> But the nervous system underneath is broadcasting: I\u2019m not enough, please validate me, I need this to prove I matter.<\/em><\/p>\n

The universe \u2014 or your reticular activating system, if you prefer the neuroscience frame \u2014 responds to the signal, not the words. And the signal of ego desire is fear, dressed up as ambition.<\/p>\n

This is why so many high-performing, spiritually-curious, smart people I meet are stuck. They\u2019ve read the books, done the vision boards, listened to the podcasts. And the manifestation engine keeps sputtering.\u00a0<\/p>\n

They assume they\u2019re doing the technique wrong.<\/p>\n

They\u2019re not. The technique is fine.<\/p>\n

The goal is the problem.<\/strong><\/p>\n

The shift isn\u2019t about wanting less. It\u2019s about wanting clean.<\/em> Wanting from wholeness instead of lack. Creating from alignment with your dharma instead of from anxiety about your image.<\/p>\n

When you do that \u2014 when the want is actually yours \u2014 Rumi\u2019s second stanza kicks in. \u201cWhat you need starts to flow to you. Without any pain. Because what you want also wants you.\u201d<\/p>\n

Someone who gets this at a level that startled me<\/h2>\n
\"Regan