{"id":13595,"date":"2026-08-20T00:39:06","date_gmt":"2026-08-20T04:39:06","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/parmaks.com\/Resources\/relationship-tools-that-work-esther-perel-brene-brown-dr-sue-johnson-terry-real-and-more-on-conflict-repair-and-lasting-love-880\/"},"modified":"2026-08-20T00:39:06","modified_gmt":"2026-08-20T04:39:06","slug":"relationship-tools-that-work-esther-perel-brene-brown-dr-sue-johnson-terry-real-and-more-on-conflict-repair-and-lasting-love-880","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/parmaks.com\/Resources\/relationship-tools-that-work-esther-perel-brene-brown-dr-sue-johnson-terry-real-and-more-on-conflict-repair-and-lasting-love-880\/","title":{"rendered":"Relationship Tools That Work \u2014 Esther Perel, Bren\u00e9 Brown, Dr. Sue Johnson, Terry Real, and More on Conflict, Repair, and Lasting Love (#880)"},"content":{"rendered":"<p> <a href=\"https:\/\/hop.clickbank.net\/?affiliate=infohatch&amp;vendor=J1R2C\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"size-full wp-image-10614 aligncenter\" src=\"http:\/\/parmaks.com\/Resources\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/profit-gen400px.png\" alt=\"Profit Gen\" width=\"400\" height=\"217\" srcset=\"https:\/\/parmaks.com\/Resources\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/profit-gen400px.png 400w, https:\/\/parmaks.com\/Resources\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/profit-gen400px-300x163.png 300w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 400px) 100vw, 400px\" \/><\/a><br \/>\n<\/p>\n<div>\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">This special episode is devoted to one deceptively simple question: How do you stay close to your partner over time through the inevitable exhaustion, misunderstanding, conflict, disappointment, and change?<\/p>\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><strong>This episode is brought to you by:<\/strong><\/p>\n<div class=\"podcast-player\">\n<div class=\"podcast-player-inner-wrap\">\n<p>Relationship Tools That Work \u2014 Esther Perel, Bren\u00e9 Brown, Dr. Sue Johnson, Terry Real, and More on Conflict, Repair, and Lasting Love<\/p>\n<p><noscript><iframe src=\"https:\/\/www.art19.com\/shows\/58dacbdc-646e-4585-9914-19c3de11d1ba\/episodes\/a147406e-b82d-4f2b-81e4-decf259647ab\/embed?type=micro\" style=\"width: 100%; height: 30px; border: 0 none;\" scrolling=\"no\"><\/iframe><\/noscript><\/div>\n<\/div>\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator has-alpha-channel-opacity\"\/>\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\">Additional podcast platforms<\/h3>\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><strong>Listen to this episode on\u00a0<a href=\"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/880-relationship-tools-that-work-esther-perel-bren%C3%A9\/id863897795?i=1000784414758\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">Apple Podcasts<\/a>,\u00a0<a href=\"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/episode\/2oFk1cP5IId357vU0OgqEX\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">Spotify<\/a>,\u00a0<a href=\"https:\/\/overcast.fm\/+AAKebsWL-Ck\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">Overcast<\/a>,\u00a0<a href=\"https:\/\/podcastaddict.com\/podcast\/2031148#\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">Podcast Addict<\/a>,\u00a0<a href=\"https:\/\/pca.st\/timferriss\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">Pocket Casts<\/a>,\u00a0<a href=\"https:\/\/castbox.fm\/channel\/id1059468?country=us\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">Castbox<\/a>,\u00a0<a target=\"_blank\" href=\"https:\/\/music.youtube.com\/playlist?list=PLuu6fDad2eJyWPm9dQfuorm2uuYHBZDCB\">YouTube Music<\/a>,\u00a0<a href=\"https:\/\/music.amazon.com\/podcasts\/9814f3cc-1dc5-4003-b816-44a8eb6bf666\/the-tim-ferriss-show\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">Amazon Music<\/a>,\u00a0<a href=\"https:\/\/www.audible.com\/podcast\/The-Tim-Ferriss-Show\/B08K58QX5W\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">Audible<\/a>, or on your favorite podcast platform.<\/strong><\/p>\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator has-alpha-channel-opacity\"\/>\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\">Transcripts<\/h3>\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\">Show Notes<\/h2>\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><strong>Connect with Esther Perel:<\/strong><\/p>\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><strong>Connect with Bren\u00e9 Brown:<\/strong><\/p>\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><strong>Connect with Brad Feld:<\/strong><\/p>\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><strong>Connect with Jim Dethmer:<\/strong><\/p>\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><strong>Connect with Sheila Heen:<\/strong><\/p>\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><strong>Connect with the legacy of Dr. Sue Johnson (RIP):<\/strong><\/p>\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><strong>Connect with Terry Real:<\/strong><\/p>\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><strong>Connect with Diana Chapman:<\/strong><\/p>\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\">Recommended Reading, Listening, &amp; Viewing<\/h3>\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\">Books<\/h3>\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\">People<\/h3>\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\">Timestamps<\/h3>\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li>[00:00:00] Intro from Tim.<\/li>\n<li>[00:01:58] Esther Perel: Daily appreciation, letter-writing, and \u201cask, don\u2019t complain\u201d \u2014 plus Gottman\u2019s Four Horsemen.<\/li>\n<li>[00:08:21] Bren\u00e9 Brown: The 50\/50 marriage myth, and why \u201cfamily-focused\u201d beats kid- or parent-focused.<\/li>\n<li>[00:12:02] Brad Feld: \u201cLife dinners\u201d \u2014 running the marriage as a monthly retrospective and sprint plan.<\/li>\n<li>[00:16:51] Jim Dethmer: Conscious candor \u2014 separating facts from stories, and revealing to be known, not right.<\/li>\n<li>[00:23:04] Sheila Heen: Why difficult conversations <em>are<\/em> the relationship; using humor to name the dynamic.<\/li>\n<li>[00:29:26] Dr. Sue Johnson: The \u201chold me tight\u201d conversation \u2014 reaching from vulnerability past the demand-withdraw spiral.<\/li>\n<li>[00:40:14] Terry Real: \u201cNormal marital hatred,\u201d the harmony-disharmony-repair rhythm, and repair as a one-way street.<\/li>\n<li>[00:46:19] Diana Chapman: Repeatedly \u201ckilling off\u201d the marriage to re-choose it, and calling forward the partner you want.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\">Quotes<\/h3>\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><strong>\u201cDon\u2019t complain, ask. Behind every criticism there\u2019s often a wish.\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">\u2014\u00a0Esther Perel<\/p>\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><strong>\u201cEveryone says marriage should be 50\/50. It\u2019s the biggest crock of bullshit I\u2019ve ever heard. It\u2019s never 50\/50. Ever. \u2026 A partnership works when you can carry their 20 or they can carry your 20. And that when you both just have 20, you have a plan where you don\u2019t hurt each other.\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">\u2014\u00a0Bren\u00e9 Brown<\/p>\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><strong>\u201cJust naming the thing oftentimes gets rid of a lot of the anxiety. Just labeling it, just calling it out and saying it out loud.\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">\u2014\u00a0Brad Feld<\/p>\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><strong>\u201cBefore you start revealing, start listening.\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">\u2014\u00a0Jim Dethmer<\/p>\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><strong>\u201cWe fight about <em>how<\/em> we fight. That\u2019s the fight we usually have.\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">\u2014\u00a0Sheila Heen<\/p>\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><strong>\u201cWhat attachment science tells us is that emotional isolation is toxic for human beings. \u2026 In safe relationships, couples grow each other.\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">\u2014\u00a0Dr. Sue Johnson<\/p>\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><strong>\u201cThe essential rhythm of all relationships is harmony, disharmony, and repair. Closeness, disruption, and a return to closeness.\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">\u2014\u00a0Terry Real<\/p>\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><strong>\u201cI believe that fear, when we\u2019re present, is an intelligence that says, \u2018Something needs to get learned.\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">\u2014\u00a0Diana Chapman<\/p>\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><strong><a href=\"https:\/\/tim.blog\/2015\/11\/10\/alain-de-botton\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">Want to hear<\/a> another episode with someone who thinks deeply about how we understand and relate to one another?<\/strong> Listen to my conversation with philosopher <a href=\"https:\/\/tim.blog\/2015\/11\/10\/alain-de-botton\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\"><strong>Alain de Botton<\/strong><\/a>, in which we discussed real-world versus academic philosophy, emotional intelligence, the underrated skill of listening, why \u201cmean\u201d is often simply \u201canxious,\u201d status anxiety, practical pessimism, the value of rituals and tribes, \u201cordinary genius,\u201d <a href=\"https:\/\/tim.blog\/2015\/11\/10\/alain-de-botton\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">and much more<\/a>.<\/p>\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator has-alpha-channel-opacity\"\/>\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><strong>This episode is brought to you by <\/strong><a href=\"http:\/\/eightsleep.com\/Tim\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\"><strong>Eight Sleep<\/strong><\/a><strong>. <\/strong>Temperature is one of the main causes of poor sleep, and heat is my personal nemesis. But a few years ago, I started using the Pod Cover, and it has transformed my sleep. <strong><a target=\"_blank\" href=\"http:\/\/eightsleep.com\/Tim\">Eight Sleep has launched their newest generation of the Pod: Pod 5<\/a>.<\/strong> It cools, it heats, and now it elevates, automatically. With the best temperature performance to date, the Pod 5 ensures you and your partner stay cool in the heat and cozy warm in the cold. <strong>And now, listeners of <em>The Tim Ferriss Show<\/em> can <a target=\"_blank\" href=\"http:\/\/eightsleep.com\/Tim\">get $250 off<\/a> the Pod 5 plus an additional $200 off Pod 5 accessories for a limited time! <a target=\"_blank\" href=\"http:\/\/eightsleep.com\/Tim\">Click here to claim this deal and unlock your full potential through optimal sleep<\/a>.<\/strong><\/p>\n<\/div>\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/hop.clickbank.net\/?affiliate=infohatch&amp;vendor=J1R2C\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"size-full wp-image-10614 aligncenter\" src=\"http:\/\/parmaks.com\/Resources\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/profit-gen400px.png\" alt=\"Profit Gen\" width=\"400\" height=\"217\" srcset=\"https:\/\/parmaks.com\/Resources\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/profit-gen400px.png 400w, https:\/\/parmaks.com\/Resources\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/profit-gen400px-300x163.png 300w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 400px) 100vw, 400px\" \/><\/a><br \/><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>This special episode is devoted to one deceptively simple question: How do you stay close to your partner over time through the inevitable exhaustion, misunderstanding, [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":13596,"comment_status":"","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[13],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-13595","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-growth"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/parmaks.com\/Resources\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/13595","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/parmaks.com\/Resources\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/parmaks.com\/Resources\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/parmaks.com\/Resources\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/parmaks.com\/Resources\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=13595"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/parmaks.com\/Resources\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/13595\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/parmaks.com\/Resources\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/13596"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/parmaks.com\/Resources\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=13595"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/parmaks.com\/Resources\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=13595"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/parmaks.com\/Resources\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=13595"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}