{"id":2218,"date":"2023-04-26T13:09:29","date_gmt":"2023-04-26T17:09:29","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/parmaks.com\/Resources\/how-to-start-over-from-scratch-my-top-5-life-lessons\/"},"modified":"2023-04-26T13:09:29","modified_gmt":"2023-04-26T17:09:29","slug":"how-to-start-over-from-scratch-my-top-5-life-lessons","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/parmaks.com\/Resources\/how-to-start-over-from-scratch-my-top-5-life-lessons\/","title":{"rendered":"How to Start Over From Scratch: My Top 5 Life Lessons"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"Profit<\/a>
\n<\/p>\n

\n

My life changed forever on October 1st, 2013.<\/span><\/p>\n

I had just walked into my new job when I received this voicemail.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cMr. Stanland, this is Special Agent McTiernan with the FBI. We are at your residence and have a warrant for your arrest. You will need to call us and come home immediately, or we will issue an APB with the federal marshals for your arrest.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

It was, without a doubt, one of the most terrifying days of my life so far.<\/span><\/p>\n

For just under a year, I committed fraud against one of the largest tech companies in the world.<\/span><\/p>\n

In that one moment, my life was no longer my own.<\/span><\/p>\n

It belonged to the agents, the faceless people working behind the scenes, and the judge I had yet to meet.<\/span><\/p>\n

I pleaded guilty to one count of mail fraud and was sentenced to two years of federal prison.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

I watched helplessly as the life I knew grew smaller and fainter as I descended into the abyss of uncertainty.<\/span><\/p>\n

I watched as the dark cloud of shame enveloped my life and cast everything in its shadow.<\/span><\/p>\n

I watched the bottom fall out every single time I thought I had hit bottom.<\/span><\/p>\n

I watched as I walked down the darkest of paths, planning how I would take my life.<\/span><\/p>\n

And I watched what happened when I chose to step out of the burnt ashes of what was and into a new life.<\/span><\/p>\n

Stepping out of the ashes was another terrifying moment; I was leaving the known, even if it was terrible, for the unknown.<\/span><\/p>\n

But there was something incredible waiting for me when I did.<\/span><\/p>\n

There\u2019s a gift when you hit rock bottom<\/a> and come out the other side.<\/span><\/p>\n

It\u2019s the wisdom and perspective that can only come from staring into the eyes of the worst version of yourself and despising what you see.<\/span><\/p>\n

And instead of trying to kill it, you acknowledge its existence, accept its existence, and learn to love its existence.<\/span><\/p>\n

But you don\u2019t allow its existence to define you.<\/span><\/p>\n

It\u2019s through this often painful process that I completely reinvented my life.<\/span><\/p>\n

I\u2019ve spent the past decade transforming prison into purpose, and I\u2019ve found my life\u2019s mission, and now I help others do the same.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

I don\u2019t make as much as I did in the corporate world.<\/span><\/p>\n

But I have what I was chasing for all those years, and I was too blind to see I\u2019d never catch.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Purpose<\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n

Meaning<\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n

Fulfillment<\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n

Inner Freedom<\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n

Emotional Peace<\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n

These are the top 5 lessons I\u2019ve learned from reinventing my life after prison.\u00a0\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

I spent my days in prison, wishing I wasn\u2019t in prison. I spent my days wishing I didn\u2019t make the choices I made that landed me in prison.<\/span><\/p>\n

I wished and dreamed for life to be anything other than it was.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

I was fighting against a past and circumstance that couldn\u2019t be changed.<\/span><\/p>\n

I would never have the freedom to start over and reinvent if I continued to fight for what can\u2019t be changed.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

I had to do what I was so afraid to do.<\/span><\/p>\n

I had to accept reality.<\/span><\/p>\n

I didn\u2019t want to.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

It felt like giving up; it felt passive. Fighting equals progress. But does it? What was I fighting against? As much as I wish there were, there is no such thing as a time machine Delorean.<\/span><\/p>\n

Accepting reality isn\u2019t giving up; it isn\u2019t passive.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

It was an act of courage for me to say,<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cI accept that I betrayed myself and chose to commit a crime. I accept I made the choice to continue in the face of the universe screaming at me to stop. I accept that I am in prison. I accept that I hurt my family, my friends\u2026.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

A weight lifted off of me; I wasn\u2019t trapped in the past. Instead, I felt something I thought was impossible in prison, freedom.<\/span><\/p>\n

It\u2019s the freedom that comes when you\u2019re no longer locked in the past.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\n

\u201cNew beginnings are often disguised as painful endings.\u201d \u2013 Lao Tzu<\/strong><\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

2. Self-Trust is a Must<\/b><\/h2>\n

My fraud required thousands of choices to keep it going. Each one of those choices was made in the face of my heart, saying,<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cStop, don\u2019t do this. This isn\u2019t the way.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

I ignored my heart, violated my voice, and I paid the price.<\/span><\/p>\n

My inner voice disappeared, and I didn\u2019t trust myself to make the easiest decisions.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

What to eat, and what exercises I would do in the gym.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

I was paralyzed by the torture of self-mistrust.<\/span><\/p>\n

I had to learn to trust myself again, which was one of the most challenging tasks ever.<\/span><\/p>\n

And it all started by making and keeping commitments to myself.\u00a0\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

The more commitments I made and kept, the more I became the person who did what they said they would do.<\/span><\/p>\n

I reconnected with my inner voice.<\/span><\/p>\n

3. Execute My Fears<\/b><\/h2>\n

Fear was a primary driver behind my choice to commit a crime.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

It was easier to commit fraud and violate my inner voice than to be honest with myself and my wife at the time.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

I understood fear landed me in prison and that I could leverage fear to reinvent my life after prison.<\/span><\/p>\n

I made a list of all my fears, and inside my prison cube, I committed to executing them one by one.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

My #1 fear? Public speaking.\u00a0<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n

It took five years, but I landed on the TEDx stage.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

This was when I executed that fear, and my world expanded.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

4. Have a Mission<\/b><\/h2>\n

I thought I had a mission before prison.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Make as much money as possible and spend it all on fancy things.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

That wasn\u2019t a mission.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

It was what I thought I should be doing, not what I wanted to do.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Only when I started writing my 1st book and pursuing public speaking did I understand what a mission truly is.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

A mission is something I\u2019m willing to sacrifice all the short-term shots of happiness (drinking, social media, Netflix) in pursuit of long-term purpose, meaning, and fulfillment \u2013 with an unknown outcome.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

A mission is something more significant than myself and serves a greater good outside myself.<\/span><\/p>\n

My desire behind the book and the TEDx?\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

To help one person.\u00a0<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

That\u2019s my mission to this day.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

5. Stop Chasing\/Start Creating<\/b><\/h2>\n

Pre-prison, I chased happiness, purpose, meaning, and fulfillment at the bottom of a bottle and the swipe of my American Express Platinum card.<\/span><\/p>\n

I was on The Golden Treadmill, racing furiously to a finish line I\u2019d never reach.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Purpose, meaning, and fulfillment aren\u2019t chased; they\u2019re created.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

And when I take the time to focus on what really matters to me and align my actions with that, I create them.<\/span><\/p>\n

And happiness naturally ensues as a result.<\/span><\/p>\n

The funny thing about these lessons is this:<\/span><\/p>\n

They\u2019re what I learned from going to prison, losing everything, and reinventing from scratch, but they\u2019re universal.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

They apply to any one of us at any time.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

We don\u2019t need to go to prison to implement these lessons to create the life we want to live.<\/span><\/p>\n

Nor do I suggest you wait for the bottom to fall out before implementing them in your own lives.\u00a0\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Start now to create an extraordinary future. <\/span><\/p>\n<\/p><\/div>\n

\"Profit<\/a>
<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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