{"id":3316,"date":"2023-07-13T19:55:34","date_gmt":"2023-07-13T23:55:34","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/parmaks.com\/Resources\/10-life-lessons-from-my-dad\/"},"modified":"2023-07-13T19:55:34","modified_gmt":"2023-07-13T23:55:34","slug":"10-life-lessons-from-my-dad","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/parmaks.com\/Resources\/10-life-lessons-from-my-dad\/","title":{"rendered":"10 Life Lessons from My Dad"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"Profit<\/a>
\n<\/p>\n

\n

Have you met someone, or known someone close to you, that \u2018woulda been, coulda been, shoulda been\u2019 great?<\/p>\n

I do.<\/p>\n

It\u2019s painful to say this, but it\u2019s my father. Born on July 20th, 1939, he passed away on September 9th, 2008, only 69 years old.<\/p>\n

He was smart, funny, and hard-working. But those talents were, in my opinion, squandered. For whatever reason, my dad\u2019s envy, bitterness, and alcoholism stopped him from being a great man.<\/p>\n

I loved him.<\/p>\n

I wish every day he was still around. As much as he embarrassed me with his drinking, he was still a good dad. But I know he could have been great. He taught me a lot, but not in the traditional sense. I learned most of his lessons through observation, more often what NOT to do if you wanted to live a good life.<\/p>\n

So as we approach what would have been his 84th birthday, my dad\u2019s going to share with us 10 life lessons for success. I wish he was here to teach them, but we\u2019ll have to learn through his stories instead.<\/p>\n

Today you\u2019ll discover how to live life on your own terms from the success rituals and many failures of my father. You\u2019ll learn why you must not suffer in silence, and why you must communicate, ask for help, and treat others well. When you learn what NOT to do from my dad, you\u2019ll have powerful routines and habits in place for a life well lived.<\/p>\n

Here are 10 life lessons from an unconventional man, Howard Ballantyne. If you would prefer to listen to the 10 lessons you can access my podcast here.<\/a><\/p>\n

1) Work Hard, Work Early, Work Wisely<\/h2>\n

When you\u2019re a farmer\u2019s son, you learn what a good day of honest work looks like.<\/p>\n

Cattle don\u2019t take holidays from eating\u2026 or pooping. That meant dad was up early every morning, hungover or not, feeding the cattle before feeding himself. Every day. Rain, shine, sleet, or snow.<\/p>\n

Not only did he have to feed the animals, he had to grow the feed. A farmer\u2019s life is a perpetual cycle of plant, grow, harvest, and feed. It\u2019s like a treadmill you can\u2019t get off, but one that is simultaneously rewarding and peaceful.<\/p>\n

My father was not just a farmer, but a welder, electrician, plumber, and mechanic. He could fix engines, build machinery, and keep the house running. He was also part veterinarian. He delivered calves, tended to sick animals, and spent plenty of time chasing them, too, especially when it came time to send them off to the butcher.<\/p>\n

His hands looked like they had lived three lifetimes and represented his protestant work ethic. There were parts of fingers missing from being caught in machinery (which was common in our community). In the summer his hands and forearms were tanned a dark brown from days spent in the sun, while in the winter his fingers were cracked from working in the bitter cold.<\/p>\n

These life lessons of always working, and working hard, sunk in at an early age, although I took a little detour. My father worked manual labor all day, every day. But much to his \u2013 and my mother\u2019s \u2013 dismay, I worked all day every day to avoid manual labor.<\/p>\n

Today it doesn\u2019t bother me to start work before sunrise and go until past sunset. That\u2019s not something I should be doing, but I\u2019m not scared of it\u2026 and it\u2019s all because I watched my father do the same thing for many years.<\/p>\n

Our friend Bedros Keuilian<\/a> learned a great line from his Armenian father, \u201cWork is holy.\u201d My father certainly wasn\u2019t a holy man in the traditional sense, but when it came work, he was as righteous as a man could be.<\/p>\n

2) Be a Consistent & Present Parent<\/h2>\n

Father of the year, my dad was not. That said, in some ways, he was a better parent than many dads are today.<\/p>\n

He loved to attend my hockey games. He tied my skates for years when I was young. And he caused me enormous embarrassment in my teenage years when he\u2019d show up at the rink for my games in a drunken stupor.<\/p>\n

But he didn\u2019t go to a single one of the hundreds of soccer games I played as a kid. I didn\u2019t care. All I wanted from my parents was a ride to the game. I was there to see my friends, not perform for mom and dad.<\/p>\n

That\u2019s why I don\u2019t understand helicopter parents, the ones who suffer from great guilt and shame if they can\u2019t make every single piano practice or football game. Your kids probably don\u2019t care. Let them go and have some fun. All that matters is that you drop them off and pick them up on time. Consistency is king.<\/p>\n

Of course, when kids are really young, they want to spend time with you. And they want you, the parent, to be focused on spending time with them, not checking your phone.<\/p>\n

\u201cWherever you are, be there,\u201d said the great Jim Rohn.<\/p>\n

My dad never had a cell phone. He never used the Internet. I don\u2019t even think he ever touched a computer. But even if he did have a phone, I can\u2019t imagine him checking when we would play catch in the backyard.<\/p>\n

He was present. Every day in the summer, right after lunch, we\u2019d play catch. He\u2019d teach me how to throw a curve ball. Sometimes he\u2019d pitch to me, and when he\u2019d hit me with a fastball, he\u2019d say, \u201cThat\u2019ll toughen you up.\u201d We\u2019d play until we lost all of the balls in the garden, not until he was distracted by a cell phone.<\/p>\n

Jim Rohn would have approved of his presence, although perhaps not his attitude about fastballs.<\/p>\n

3) Live Life On Your Terms<\/h3>\n

My father didn\u2019t care much for other people\u2019s opinions. He was as comfortable in his own skin as anyone could be. Comb his hair? Dress up? Follow convention? Not unless he was forced to by my mother when attending a wedding or big event.<\/p>\n

There was only one rule in my father\u2019s mind. And that was, there are no rules. Talk about valuable life lessons! As much as it makes me cringe to think about it, not many people have the courage to throw caution to the wind. He did, and I admire him for it. It\u2019s not easy to take the road less traveled, but when that road is chosen wisely, you\u2019ll often be better for it.<\/p>\n

4) Overcome Mental Obstacles<\/h2>\n

While he didn\u2019t care for convention and what other people thought about him, he struggled with the opinions of other people. For some reason, he destroyed many of his relationships; Friends today would be gone tomorrow.<\/p>\n

I remember my father cycling through drinking buddies on a three-month schedule. One day I\u2019d get home from school and there\u2019d be a new truck or van in the driveway. Dad would be in his shop with some stranger, and they\u2019d be sitting around with beers. This would go on for months until one day, suddenly, that drinking buddy would disappear from Dad\u2019s life.<\/p>\n

As I grew older and noticed this happening time after time, I finally realized that my dad was destroying relationships. This was among the most valuable life lessons I took away\u2026 Because he had bitterness and jealousy towards his old friends, criticizing them behind their backs, or making fun of them in their presence.<\/p>\n

These internal demons destroyed his relationships and eventually destroyed him too.<\/p>\n

5) Ask for Help<\/h2>\n

My father was born in a generation where a man didn\u2019t show weakness or ask for help. What a shame. If he had only\u2026 But we can\u2019t play the \u201cWhat If\u201d game. He didn\u2019t. And he paid the price.<\/p>\n

Fortunately, today is different. It\u2019s still not easy to ask for help, but it\u2019s easier to admit when you\u2019re down. It\u2019s okay to be vulnerable. In fact, I\u2019ve found the more vulnerable you are the less you hurt. It\u2019s a paradox.<\/p>\n

If only my dad had been strong enough to say to my mom, or anyone, that he needed help with his drinking, and whatever it was that drove him to drink. If only he had gone to the doctor every couple of years.<\/p>\n

If only he spoken up about the fears, anxiety, and worries in his head.<\/p>\n

From asking around it sounds like my dad\u2019s side of the family long had a history of mental health struggles. My dad\u2019s dad died in suspicious circumstances that sounded a lot like suicide. And my dad held that in forever, and that fear and anxiety festered like a psychological cancer. It ate him up inside because he never let it out.<\/p>\n

Maybe that\u2019s why I talk so much about this, and my anxiety, and why I\u2019m willing to look high-and-low to continually evolve. It\u2019s because I\u2019ve seen what can happen to you stay still.<\/p>\n

Suffering in silence will get you. It gets everyone. It\u2019ll bring you to your knees no matter how strong you think you are. I\u2019ve never seen anyone come out of it better.<\/p>\n

Take it from my father (even though he didn\u2019t teach it directly), and ask for help. Otherwise, you\u2019ll pay a severe price.<\/p>\n

6) Treat People Right<\/h2>\n

My dad never understood how hurtful words could be. I picked up this trait and it nearly destroyed my relationships. Fortunately I had friends like Bedros Keuilian, Joel Marion, and Matt Smith who were strong enough to make me aware of my problem, and who were kind enough to support me as I worked to overcome it. But my dad never did\u2026 or he just never listened when wisdom came his way.<\/p>\n

If only he had heard this quote from author Maya Angelou who said:<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.\u201d<\/p>\n

As clich\u00e9 as it sounds, this quote truly changed my life. I learned long ago that you can be smart and give good advice to people, but if you\u2019re a jerk when you do it, then all they remember is that you\u2019re a jerk, and the good advice goes out the window.<\/p>\n

People will give you a second chance, but as my father found out the hard way \u2013 and as I did too \u2013 they aren\u2019t going to take a bad attitude forever. Eventually, you run out of people.<\/p>\n

When I saw that happen to my father, I vowed to never let myself be like him. I opened my heart and mind just enough so that I was able to get help and fix this area of weakness.<\/p>\n

7) NOT to do List<\/h2>\n

Ah yes, what NOT to do. This is where my father excelled in instruction.<\/p>\n

Some days I can\u2019t believe he lived as long as he did. He drove like a maniac, often drunk.<\/p>\n

He climbed 80-foot silos, dangling one arm and leg off the rungs as he reached the top. He raced snowmobiles at 70 miles an hour without a helmet. One drunken afternoon while cutting wood, he hit himself in the face with a chainsaw. He was lucky to escape with just a scar down his nose and under his eye.<\/p>\n

To my father, a \u201cKeep Out\u201d sign meant, \u201cCome on in! All the good stuff is back here.\u201d Perhaps his recklessness is a reason for my conservatism.<\/p>\n

He lived on a diet of beer, coffee, sandwiches, and candy. Each night he\u2019d eat two chocolate bars and half a bag of cherry licorice. Yet he never had more than 160 pounds on his 5 foot 10 frame. He didn\u2019t have many teeth though, either.<\/p>\n

Dad didn\u2019t visit a dentist or doctor for over 30 years. Eventually, it caught up to him. In 2007, my mother dragged him to the hospital. The doctors said he was minutes from death. It was there that they discovered his body was full of cancer. He\u2019d lived unknowingly with colon cancer for nearly a decade, our family doctor estimated. By then the cancer had spread to his liver.<\/p>\n

He spent the next 18 months growing weaker. It hurt to see the man I once saw as a superhero slowly turning into skin and bones. The bright side is that my mom bought him an extra year-and-a-half of life that day.<\/p>\n

It\u2019s one of the greatest gifts she\u2019s ever given me, but one that could have been avoided if Dad had only done the right thing and gone to the doctor regularly.<\/p>\n

8) Communicate, Don\u2019t Isolate<\/h2>\n

Over those 18 months, my dad and I spent a lot of time together. We\u2019d drive down dirt roads checking out the corn in other farmer\u2019s fields. I\u2019d take him to check out used tractors, and we\u2019d drive hours to various hospitals for his tests and treatments.<\/p>\n

We didn\u2019t talk much during that time. When we did, it was superficial. When I wasn\u2019t with him at home, he\u2019d call me at my home in Toronto every day at 4:30 p.m. to ask about the weather. We\u2019d then stumble awkwardly through small talk until he\u2019d abruptly say, \u201cAlright, I\u2019ll let you go.\u201d<\/p>\n

We were both too stubborn and uncomfortable to probe deeper, to ask serious questions, or breach topics of significance. I\u2019m not sure if either of us would have been open to it anyway.<\/p>\n

His consistency in life was reassuring, but his isolation in his communication was his downfall. He needed to talk. He had demons in his mind and obstacles in his way that held him back, that left him emotionally immature, and stunted his relationships. I wish he could have broken through, but I was not wise or strong enough to help him.<\/p>\n

The big lesson is that communication beats isolation when there is something bothering you. It\u2019s a lesson I\u2019ve had to learn the hard way, through experience and failure, over the last ten years because my father was unable to teach it to me.<\/p>\n

Whatever it was that led him to alcohol and recklessness, it might have been resolved and certainly helped had he just been able to drop his guard and open up.<\/p>\n

Don\u2019t make the same mistake. Communicate, don\u2019t isolate.<\/p>\n

I nearly made the same mistake, but when I finally opened up, set aside my ego, and spoke from the heart, it started a personal transformation that has made all the difference in my life.<\/p>\n

9) Keep the Child Within You Alive<\/h2>\n

My dad never spoke of dying. It\u2019s like he didn\u2019t believe he ever would. Or perhaps he was too scared to confront it.<\/p>\n

He never was much of an adult. He avoided adult conversations. He didn\u2019t take life seriously. He liked being a simple farmer. He didn\u2019t make a lot of money, but he was free. He didn\u2019t have a boss. Then again, I don\u2019t think he could have had a boss. No company would have tolerated my father, and my father wouldn\u2019t have tolerated any company.<\/p>\n

He was a wild kid at heart that just never grew up. In some areas of life, that\u2019s inappropriate. He neglected certain important responsibilities. However, had he lived well and communicated better, he\u2019d have won the game of life and been at peace.<\/p>\n

10) Rituals<\/h2>\n

Rituals made my father effective, but rituals also brought him to his knees. On one hand, he knew the value of rising early and working hard every day. That\u2019s one the biggest life lessons I took from Dad. He understood the literal concept of reaping what you sow. Had he only understood the figurative concept, his personal relationships would not have been such a mess.<\/p>\n

His poorly chosen rituals, those of suffering in silence, avoiding communication, and drinking to excess each afternoon, robbed a talented man of a life well lived.<\/p>\n

Even in error there are things to admire and remember. Rituals are consistent actions. Consistency is what we crave. We want to know that dad\u2019s coming home at a certain time. We want to know that, if we needed him, he\u2019s around. That\u2019s why, even though my father failed in so many areas, he was still a good dad after all.<\/p>\n

My favorite of my father\u2019s rituals was his lazy summer afternoon routine. Each day around three o\u2019clock, he\u2019d get the paper, put a lawn chair under our old willow tree in the backyard, and sit there in the shade with his shirt unbuttoned and a beer beside him. I can still see him now, the breeze rattling the paper, and him in his happy spot.<\/p>\n

When my father passed in 2008, I wrote a poem about this ritual and that lawn chair that he\u2019d sit in on hot summer days. You\u2019ll find it a fitting conclusion to his 10 life lessons.<\/p>\n

The Chair<\/h3>\n

The chair is where my father sat,<\/em>
On sunny summer days,<\/em>
Beer in hand, shirt <\/em>undone,<\/em>
The paper had his gaze.<\/em><\/p>\n

The grass was never greener,<\/em>
Than in my memory,<\/em>
The shade was always coolest,<\/em>
On the days he sat with me.<\/em><\/p>\n

The Willow tree kept him in comfort,<\/em>
It wept in gentle breeze,<\/em>
We\u2019d sit there without speaking,<\/em>
Happy in each other\u2019s company.<\/em><\/p>\n

The tree has grown in time,<\/em>
And the years had taken toll,<\/em>
The chair has been replaced,<\/em>
My father had grown old.<\/em><\/p>\n

He no longer gets to sit there,<\/em>
He lies at rest instead,<\/em>
But place a chair under that tree,<\/em>
And it\u2019s like he\u2019s there again.<\/em><\/p>\n

A chair, a tree, a father,<\/em>
You have these in your life too,<\/em>
Though they may not be the same things,<\/em>
They matter much to you.<\/em><\/p>\n

When it comes time to count your blessings,<\/em>
Remember this in life\u2019s race,<\/em>
The things that really matter,<\/em>
Exist in plain view of your face.<\/em><\/p>\n

I\u2019d love to hear your favorite lesson from my dad \u2013 and from your dad, too.<\/p>\n

\n

Craig Ballantyne<\/a><\/h3>\n
\"Craig<\/div>\n

<\/p>\n

If you want to double your income, work less, and become the ambitious millionaire you’ve always wanted to be… Craig Ballantyne is the coach who will help you do it. With more than 20-years of experience as an entrepreneur and five 7-figure businesses under his belt, he specializes in helping “struckling” entrepreneurs get out of the mud and build the business of their dreams. To see if you qualify for Craig’s “Millionaire Coaching Program” send an email to support@earlytorise.com with the subject line “Millionaire”.<\/p>\n<\/div><\/div>\n