{"id":4201,"date":"2023-09-18T02:30:11","date_gmt":"2023-09-18T06:30:11","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/parmaks.com\/Resources\/why-doing-less-for-your-kids-means-more\/"},"modified":"2023-09-18T02:30:11","modified_gmt":"2023-09-18T06:30:11","slug":"why-doing-less-for-your-kids-means-more","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/parmaks.com\/Resources\/why-doing-less-for-your-kids-means-more\/","title":{"rendered":"Why Doing Less for Your Kids Means More"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"Profit<\/a>
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Editor\u2019s Note: This is a guest post by Mary\u00a0Heffernan, Founder of Five Marys Farms<\/a>.<\/em><\/p>\n

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\u201cWork gives you meaning and purpose and life is empty without it.\u201d <\/em>\u2014Stephen Hawking\u00a0<\/p>\n

In our suburban life, before leaving behind the busy life we\u2019d built in Silicon Valley to become cattle ranchers with our four young daughters, I didn\u2019t expect much of the girls. <\/p>\n

We filled their sippy cups and made their snacks for them. I set out projects or created activities for them to do to keep them occupied and entertained. Their laundry was usually picked up off of the floor for them, washed, folded, and put back in their closets. Of course they were expected to pick up their toys and clear their plates and do some easy tasks to help occasionally, but they didn\u2019t really help with anything substantial or learn to do things on their own.\u00a0<\/p>\n

I think people innately want to care for their children\u2019s every need and express their love by being caretakers. I did too. But, I was robbing them of the opportunity to learn to do these things for themselves and experiencing the satisfaction that comes with being self-sufficient and independent.\u00a0<\/p>\n

When we moved to the country, everything changed. <\/p>\n

By necessity, I couldn\u2019t cater to their every need\u2014I didn\u2019t have time! I quickly realized only when they had to step up to the plate, that my kids could actually do all of these things themselves. Every kid is capable of tasks that you might not expect. So raise your expectations! Besides the fact that the chores are getting done, they feel so proud and accomplished of what they\u2019ve done, especially when it\u2019s truly helpful and contributes to the family or community. <\/p>\n

One of the first shifts I noticed on this topic was when the girls started seeing needs on their own and filling them. Every year we have a group of \u2018bottle babies.\u2019 Bottle babies are baby lambs that need to be fed from a bottle (this can happen for various reasons). The girls started setting their alarms and waking up early to make bottles for the lambs and feeding them. We didn\u2019t ask them to do this\u2014they just started seeing it needed to be done, and doing it!\u00a0<\/p>\n

I remember reading somewhere that instead of telling children we are proud of them, we should ask them if they are proud of themselves. I think that is important to remember\u2014we want them to do things for their own self-satisfaction more than to make someone else happy or proud of them.\u00a0<\/p>\n

I love the benefits that we get from living now in close quarters and I know the girls will have such great memories from when they were young, all bunked together in our little home. <\/p>\n

With that said, part of setting up your kids for success while doing chores is creating spaces that you all will be able to manage without becoming totally overwhelmed with stuff. We can\u2019t ask our kids to do chores that we wouldn\u2019t do ourselves. So one of my favorite ways to make a small living space more manageable is to organize our house by seasons. Pull your clothes out that you aren\u2019t wearing that season and store them somewhere else (garage, shed, storage container, storage facility nearby, etc.). Owning less makes managing a small (and large) space easier for everyone.\u00a0<\/p>\n

While it\u2019s important to create environments that set your kids up for success, it\u2019s also important to allow natural consequences to take their course. <\/p>\n

When my kids were younger, people often used to ask how I let them make dinner without using the stove\u2026 we do let them use the stove! The girls understand that the pots and pans are hot and it\u2019s a big responsibility to use and they are cautious and respectful of the risk. If they grab a hot pan without an oven mitt once, they will burn their hand and not do it again. We\u2019ve all done it! There are mistakes you learn from once and don\u2019t make again. It might take giving up some of your control and letting them use tools outside of your comfort zone, but balancing safety and letting them learn to use these tools is usually worth it in the end.\u00a0<\/p>\n

My husband, Brian, and I are firm believers in balancing a life of work and play, and we want our kids to practice that too. Not all days are a long list of chores or responsibilities. Some days it\u2019s just \u2018put your backpack on and go play outside in the sunshine!\u2019 <\/p>\n

I am passionate about creating a lifestyle that allows my kids to be capable, independent individuals who enjoy working and also getting outside and dirty in nature. <\/p>\n

You don\u2019t need a bunch of technology, a lot of space, or a room full of stuff to practice that. Just keep it simple, model your own creativity and capability, and allow space for your kids to do the same!\u00a0<\/p>\n

I remember one of my favorite memories from childhood\u2014and it was so simple. Before I was 8 years old, my family lived in a house up on a canyon. We had a lot of freedom to go explore the canyon (it was in the days when your mom would just tell you to be home before dark!) We would rally up some of the neighbor kids, pack snacks in a backpack, and be gone all day. That freedom to explore, build a fort with sticks, pack our own food\u2026 that was so formative for me. <\/p>\n

We had a great mom to let us do that despite the price she made for our outdoor memories\u2026 we would come back with poison oak every single time! But, she never told us \u2018No, you can\u2019t go play outside because you\u2019ll get poison oak.\u2019 She would strip our clothes, do the laundry, and get us into the shower. She knew that time outside was worth it for us.\u00a0<\/p>\n

I make it a point to do the same for my girls. I want them to be together outside<\/em>, because when you\u2019re outside you have the opportunity to use your imagination, creativity, and problem-solving skills. No matter where you live, there is always some sort of nature around you. <\/p>\n

We live in the country, so it\u2019s pretty easy for us. But, even when you live in the city, there are public pools and public parks. Even laying down on the sidewalk and making shapes out of clouds are something that kids remember!\u00a0<\/p>\n

Let them do this alone sometimes too. I actually think it\u2019s important that I\u2019m not there facilitating their play all of the time. It allows them the opportunity to build relationships with each other and problem-solve on their own, before running to me or their dad. <\/p>\n

I remember reading somewhere that the best thing you can do when raising kids is to create a strong family culture within your own family, and the way you do that is to create family traditions\u2014knowing that there are small things that are important to you as a family.\u00a0<\/p>\n

If being outdoors is something you want to be more proactive about\u2014create those traditions outside! They definitely don\u2019t need to be going to Hawaii every year for vacation. It\u2019s the little things that they remember. <\/p>\n

Every year, the day after Thanksgiving, we go on a family hike to get a Christmas tree. Every Easter, we go outside and do an \u2018egg drop\u2019 challenge (when you decorate and package up your egg and drop it outside from a ladder, window, or tree.) Little traditions that don\u2019t need to cost a lot of money or take up a lot of time. You definitely need to tweak your expectations\u2014your kids won\u2019t come back clean! They might have unruly hair, bug bites, scratches, and dirty clothes. But, let me tell you\u2026 getting outside is always worth it.<\/p>\n

***<\/p>\n

Mary Heffernan and her husband, Brian, left behind the busy life they\u2019d built in Silicon Valley to become cattle ranchers with their four young daughters\u2013all named Mary. Together they own and operate Five Marys Farms<\/a>. Mary\u2019s new book, The Hands-On Ranch Book: How to Tie a Knot, Start a Garden, Saddle a Horse, and Everything Else People Used to Know How to Do<\/a><\/em> will be released on September 26. It is available for pre-order now.<\/p>\n<\/p><\/div>\n

\"Profit<\/a>
<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Editor\u2019s Note: This is a guest post by Mary\u00a0Heffernan, Founder of Five Marys Farms. \u201cWork gives you meaning and purpose and life is empty without […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":4202,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[2],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-4201","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-blog"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/parmaks.com\/Resources\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4201","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/parmaks.com\/Resources\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/parmaks.com\/Resources\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/parmaks.com\/Resources\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/parmaks.com\/Resources\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=4201"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/parmaks.com\/Resources\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4201\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/parmaks.com\/Resources\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/4202"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/parmaks.com\/Resources\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=4201"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/parmaks.com\/Resources\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=4201"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/parmaks.com\/Resources\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=4201"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}