{"id":4942,"date":"2023-11-11T07:51:10","date_gmt":"2023-11-11T11:51:10","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/parmaks.com\/Resources\/sheila-heen-how-to-master-the-difficult-art-of-receiving-and-giving-feedback-703\/"},"modified":"2023-11-11T07:51:10","modified_gmt":"2023-11-11T11:51:10","slug":"sheila-heen-how-to-master-the-difficult-art-of-receiving-and-giving-feedback-703","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/parmaks.com\/Resources\/sheila-heen-how-to-master-the-difficult-art-of-receiving-and-giving-feedback-703\/","title":{"rendered":"Sheila Heen \u2014 How to Master the Difficult Art of Receiving (and Giving) Feedback (#703)"},"content":{"rendered":"<p> <a href=\"https:\/\/hop.clickbank.net\/?affiliate=infohatch&amp;vendor=J1R2C\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"size-full wp-image-10614 aligncenter\" src=\"http:\/\/parmaks.com\/Resources\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/profit-gen400px.png\" alt=\"Profit Gen\" width=\"400\" height=\"217\" srcset=\"https:\/\/parmaks.com\/Resources\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/profit-gen400px.png 400w, https:\/\/parmaks.com\/Resources\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/profit-gen400px-300x163.png 300w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 400px) 100vw, 400px\" \/><\/a><br \/>\n<\/p>\n<div>\n<figure class=\"wp-block-image size-large is-resized\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"600\" height=\"480\" src=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/tim.blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/11\/Sheila-Heen-Illustration-2023.jpeg?resize=600%2C480&amp;ssl=1\" alt=\"\" class=\"wp-image-69992\" style=\"width:840px;height:auto\" srcset=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/tim.blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/11\/Sheila-Heen-Illustration-2023-scaled.jpeg?resize=1024%2C819&amp;ssl=1 1024w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/tim.blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/11\/Sheila-Heen-Illustration-2023-scaled.jpeg?resize=300%2C240&amp;ssl=1 300w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/tim.blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/11\/Sheila-Heen-Illustration-2023-scaled.jpeg?resize=768%2C614&amp;ssl=1 768w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/tim.blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/11\/Sheila-Heen-Illustration-2023-scaled.jpeg?resize=1536%2C1229&amp;ssl=1 1536w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/tim.blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/11\/Sheila-Heen-Illustration-2023-scaled.jpeg?resize=2048%2C1638&amp;ssl=1 2048w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/tim.blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/11\/Sheila-Heen-Illustration-2023-scaled.jpeg?w=1200&amp;ssl=1 1200w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/tim.blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/11\/Sheila-Heen-Illustration-2023-scaled.jpeg?w=1800&amp;ssl=1 1800w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 767px) 90vw, 600px\" data-recalc-dims=\"1\"\/><figcaption class=\"wp-element-caption\">Illustration via <a rel=\"nofollow external noopener noreferrer\" target=\"_blank\" href=\"http:\/\/99designs.com\/tim\">99designs<\/a><\/figcaption><\/figure>\n<p><strong>Sheila Heen<\/strong>\u00a0has spent the last three decades working to understand how people can better navigate conflict, with a particular specialty in difficult conversations.\u00a0<\/p>\n<p>She is a founder of\u00a0<a href=\"https:\/\/www.triadconsultinggroup.com\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"nofollow external noopener noreferrer\">Triad Consulting Group<\/a>, a professor at Harvard Law School, and a co-author of\u00a0<a href=\"https:\/\/www.amazon.com\/Thanks-Feedback-Science-Receiving-Well\/dp\/0143127136\/?tag=offsitoftimfe-20\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"nofollow external noopener noreferrer\"><strong><em>Thanks for the Feedback: The Science and Art of Receiving Feedback Well (even when it\u2019s off base, unfair, poorly delivered, and, frankly, you\u2019re not in the mood)<\/em><\/strong><\/a>,<em>\u00a0<\/em>with Douglas Stone, and\u00a0<a href=\"https:\/\/www.amazon.com\/Difficult-Conversations-Discuss-What-Matters\/dp\/014313759X\/?tag=offsitoftimfe-20\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"nofollow external noopener noreferrer\"><em>Difficult Conversations: How to Discuss What Matters Most<\/em><\/a><em>,\u00a0<\/em>with Douglas Stone and Bruce Patton (with a newly updated\u00a0<a href=\"https:\/\/www.amazon.com\/Difficult-Conversations-Discuss-What-Matters\/dp\/014313759X\/?tag=offsitoftimfe-20\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"nofollow external noopener noreferrer\">third edition<\/a>\u00a0that was released in August).<\/p>\n<p>Sheila and her colleagues at\u00a0<a href=\"https:\/\/www.triadconsultinggroup.com\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"nofollow external noopener noreferrer\">Triad<\/a>\u00a0work with leaders and organizations to build their capacity to have the conversations that matter most. Her clients have included Pixar, American Express, the NBA, the Singapore Supreme Court, the Obama White House, and theologians struggling with the nature of truth and God.<\/p>\n<p>She is schooled in negotiation daily by her three children. You can find my first conversation with Sheila at\u00a0<a href=\"https:\/\/tim.blog\/2021\/09\/09\/sheila-heen\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">tim.blog\/SheilaHeen<\/a>.<\/p>\n<p>Please enjoy!<\/p>\n<p><strong><em><strong><em>Listen to the episode on\u00a0<a href=\"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/703-sheila-heen-how-to-master-the-difficult-art\/id863897795?i=1000634314468\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"nofollow external noopener noreferrer\">Apple Podcasts<\/a>,\u00a0<a href=\"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/episode\/6ofYm1u5kfsaNS7neGsAnm\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"nofollow external noopener noreferrer\">Spotify<\/a>,\u00a0<a href=\"https:\/\/overcast.fm\/+KebvLAZS4\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"nofollow external noopener noreferrer\">Overcast<\/a>,\u00a0<a href=\"https:\/\/podcastaddict.com\/podcast\/2031148#\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"nofollow external noopener noreferrer\">Podcast Addict<\/a>,\u00a0<a href=\"https:\/\/pca.st\/timferriss\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"nofollow external noopener noreferrer\">Pocket Casts<\/a>,\u00a0<a href=\"https:\/\/castbox.fm\/channel\/id1059468?country=us\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"nofollow external noopener noreferrer\">Castbox<\/a>,\u00a0<a href=\"https:\/\/podcasts.google.com\/?feed=aHR0cHM6Ly9yc3MuYXJ0MTkuY29tL3RpbS1mZXJyaXNzLXNob3c&amp;ved=0CAAQ4aUDahcKEwjI_ezXzuDnAhUAAAAAHQAAAAAQAQ\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"nofollow external noopener noreferrer\">Google Podcasts<\/a>,\u00a0<strong><em><strong><em><a href=\"https:\/\/music.amazon.com\/podcasts\/9814f3cc-1dc5-4003-b816-44a8eb6bf666\/the-tim-ferriss-show\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"nofollow external noopener noreferrer\">Amazon Music<\/a>,\u00a0<\/em><\/strong><\/em><\/strong>or on your favorite podcast platform<\/em><\/strong><\/em><\/strong><em><strong>.<\/strong><\/em> <strong><em>You can <a rel=\"nofollow external noopener noreferrer\" target=\"_blank\" href=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/watch?v=r6ZxOK2Ub-0\">watch the interview on YouTube here<\/a>. <\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong><em><strong><em><strong><em><strong><em><strong><em><strong><em><strong><em>Brought to you by\u00a0<\/em><\/strong><a href=\"https:\/\/www.nordic.com\/products\/ultimate-omega\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"nofollow external noopener noreferrer\"><strong><em>Nordic Naturals<\/em><\/strong><\/a><strong><em>\u00a0Ultimate Omega fish oil,\u00a0<\/em><\/strong><a href=\"https:\/\/helixsleep.com\/tim\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"nofollow external noopener noreferrer\"><strong><em>Helix Sleep<\/em><\/strong><\/a><strong><em>\u00a0premium mattresses,\u00a0and\u00a0<\/em><\/strong><a href=\"http:\/\/shipstation.com\/tim\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"nofollow external noopener noreferrer\"><strong><em>ShipStation<\/em><\/strong><\/a><strong><em>\u00a0shipping software.<\/em><\/strong><\/em><\/strong><\/em><\/strong><\/em><\/strong><\/em><\/strong><\/em><\/strong><\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n<p><em>The transcript of this episode\u00a0<a href=\"https:\/\/tim.blog\/2023\/11\/09\/sheila-heen-feedback-transcript\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">can be found here<\/a>. Transcripts of all episodes\u00a0<a href=\"https:\/\/tim.blog\/2018\/09\/20\/all-transcripts-from-the-tim-ferriss-show\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">can be found here<\/a>.<\/em><\/p>\n<div class=\"wp-block-tim-podcast-link-main podcast-block wp-embed-aspect-16-9 wp-has-aspect-ratio\"><a class=\"podcast-block__link\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"nofollow external noopener noreferrer\" href=\"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/703-sheila-heen-how-to-master-the-difficult-art\/id863897795?i=1000634314468\"><img decoding=\"async\" src=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/tim.blog\/wp-content\/themes\/timferriss\/inc\/blocks\/podcast-link\/images\/apple-podcast.png?w=600&amp;ssl=1\" class=\"podcast-block__link-icon\" data-recalc-dims=\"1\"\/><span class=\"podcast-block__link-text-top\">Listen on<\/span><span class=\"podcast-block__link-text\">Apple Podcasts<\/span><\/a><\/div>\n<div class=\"wp-block-tim-podcast-link-main podcast-block wp-embed-aspect-16-9 wp-has-aspect-ratio\"><a class=\"podcast-block__link\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"nofollow external noopener noreferrer\" href=\"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/episode\/6ofYm1u5kfsaNS7neGsAnm\"><img loading=\"lazy\" width=\"167\" height=\"167\" decoding=\"async\" src=\"https:\/\/tim.blog\/wp-content\/themes\/timferriss\/inc\/blocks\/podcast-link\/images\/spotify.svg\" class=\"podcast-block__link-icon\"\/><span class=\"podcast-block__link-text-top\">Listen on<\/span><span class=\"podcast-block__link-text\">Spotify<\/span><\/a><\/div>\n<div class=\"wp-block-tim-podcast-link-main podcast-block wp-embed-aspect-16-9 wp-has-aspect-ratio\"><a class=\"podcast-block__link\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"nofollow external noopener noreferrer\" href=\"https:\/\/overcast.fm\/+KebvLAZS4\"><img loading=\"lazy\" width=\"1000\" height=\"1000\" decoding=\"async\" src=\"https:\/\/tim.blog\/wp-content\/themes\/timferriss\/inc\/blocks\/podcast-link\/images\/overcast.svg\" class=\"podcast-block__link-icon\"\/><span class=\"podcast-block__link-text-top\">Listen on<\/span><span class=\"podcast-block__link-text\">Overcast<\/span><\/a><\/div>\n<div class=\"podcast-player\">\n<div class=\"podcast-player-inner-wrap\">\n<p>#703: Sheila Heen \u2014 How to Master The Difficult Art of Receiving (and Giving) Feedback<\/p>\n<p><noscript><iframe src=\"https:\/\/www.art19.com\/shows\/58dacbdc-646e-4585-9914-19c3de11d1ba\/episodes\/bf241910-6a8a-4943-ba1c-3cee0ce89d3e\/embed?type=micro\" style=\"width: 100%; height: 30px; border: 0 none;\" scrolling=\"no\"><\/iframe><\/noscript><\/div>\n<\/div>\n<figure class=\"wp-block-embed is-type-video is-provider-youtube wp-block-embed-youtube wp-embed-aspect-16-9 wp-has-aspect-ratio\">\n<p>\n<span class=\"embed-youtube\" style=\"text-align:center; display: block;\"><iframe loading=\"lazy\" title=\"How to Master the Difficult Art of Receiving (and Giving) Feedback | Sheila Heen | Tim Ferriss Show\" width=\"640\" height=\"360\" src=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/embed\/r6ZxOK2Ub-0?feature=oembed\" frameborder=\"0\" allow=\"accelerometer; autoplay; clipboard-write; encrypted-media; gyroscope; picture-in-picture; web-share\" referrerpolicy=\"strict-origin-when-cross-origin\" allowfullscreen><\/iframe><\/span>\n<\/p>\n<\/figure>\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator has-alpha-channel-opacity\"\/>\n<p><strong>This episode is brought to you by\u00a0<\/strong><a href=\"https:\/\/www.nordic.com\/products\/ultimate-omega\/\" rel=\"nofollow external noopener noreferrer\" target=\"_blank\"><strong>Nordic Naturals<\/strong><\/a><strong>, the #1-selling fish-oil brand in the US!\u00a0<\/strong>More than 80% of Americans don\u2019t get enough omega-3 fats from their diet. That is a problem because the body can\u2019t produce omega-3s, an important nutrient for cell structure and function. Nordic Naturals solves that problem with their\u00a0<strong>doctor-recommended Ultimate Omega fish-oil formula for heart health, brain function, immune support, and more<\/strong>. Ultimate Omega is made exclusively from 100% wild-caught sardines and anchovies. It\u2019s incredibly pure and fresh with no fishy aftertaste. All Nordic Naturals\u2019 fish-oil products are offered in the triglyceride molecular form\u2014the form naturally found in fish, and the form your body most easily absorbs.<\/p>\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/www.nordic.com\/products\/ultimate-omega\/\" rel=\"nofollow external noopener noreferrer\" target=\"_blank\"><strong>Go to Nordic.com and discover why Nordic Naturals is the #1-selling omega-3 brand in the U.S.\u00a0Use promo code TIM for 20% off your order.<\/strong><\/a><\/p>\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator has-alpha-channel-opacity\"\/>\n<p><strong>This episode is brought to you by\u00a0<a href=\"https:\/\/www.shipstation.com\/tim\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"nofollow external noopener noreferrer\">ShipStation<\/a>.<\/strong>\u00a0Do you sell stuff online? Then you know what a pain the shipping process is.<span>\u00a0<\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.shipstation.com\/tim\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"nofollow external noopener noreferrer\">ShipStation<\/a><span>\u00a0<\/span>was created to make your life easier. Whether you\u2019re selling on eBay, Amazon, Shopify, or over 100 other popular selling channels, ShipStation lets you access all of your orders from one simple dashboard, and it works with all of the major shipping carriers, locally and globally, including FedEx, UPS, and USPS.<span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><strong>Tim Ferriss Show listeners get to try<span>\u00a0<\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.shipstation.com\/tim\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"nofollow external noopener noreferrer\">ShipStation<\/a><span>\u00a0<\/span>free for 60 days.<\/strong><span>\u00a0<\/span><strong>Just visit<span>\u00a0<\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.shipstation.com\/tim\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"nofollow external noopener noreferrer\">ShipStation.com\/Tim<\/a>!<\/strong><\/p>\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator has-alpha-channel-opacity\"\/>\n<p><strong>This episode is brought to you by\u00a0<a rel=\"nofollow external noopener noreferrer\" href=\"http:\/\/helixsleep.com\/tim\" target=\"_blank\"><strong>Helix Sleep<\/strong><\/a>!\u00a0<\/strong>Helix was selected as the best overall mattress of 2022 by\u00a0<em>GQ\u00a0<\/em>magazine<em>, Wired,\u00a0<\/em>and Apartment Therapy. With\u00a0<a rel=\"nofollow external noopener noreferrer\" href=\"http:\/\/helixsleep.com\/tim\" target=\"_blank\">Helix<\/a>, there\u2019s a specific mattress to meet each and every body\u2019s unique comfort needs. Just take their quiz\u2014<a rel=\"nofollow external noopener noreferrer\" href=\"http:\/\/helixsleep.com\/tim\" target=\"_blank\">only two minutes to complete<\/a>\u2014that matches your body type and sleep preferences to the perfect mattress for you. They have a 10-year warranty, and you get to try it out for a hundred nights, risk-free. They\u2019ll even pick it up from you if you don\u2019t love it.\u00a0<strong>And now, Helix is offering 20% off all mattress orders plus two free pillows at\u00a0<a rel=\"nofollow external noopener noreferrer\" href=\"http:\/\/helixsleep.com\/tim\" target=\"_blank\">HelixSleep.com\/Tim<\/a>.<\/strong><\/p>\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator has-alpha-channel-opacity\"\/>\n<p><strong>Want to hear <a href=\"https:\/\/tim.blog\/2021\/09\/09\/sheila-heen\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">Sheila\u2019s last appearance<\/a> on this program?<\/strong> <a href=\"https:\/\/tim.blog\/2021\/09\/09\/sheila-heen\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">Have a listen<\/a> to our conversation in which we discussed three categories of difficult conversations, conveying curiosity without coming off as condescending, finding common ground amid a disconnect, rewriting the scripts for bad apologies, setting behavioral expectations, presenting obstacles as shared problems, blame-absorbers versus blame-shifters, <a href=\"https:\/\/tim.blog\/2021\/09\/09\/sheila-heen\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">and much more<\/a>.<\/p>\n<div class=\"podcast-player\">\n<div class=\"podcast-player-inner-wrap\">\n<p>#532: Sheila Heen of the Harvard Negotiation Project \u2014 How to Navigate Hard Conversations, the Subtle Art of Apologizing, and a Powerful 60-Day Challenge<\/p>\n<p><noscript><iframe src=\"https:\/\/www.art19.com\/shows\/58dacbdc-646e-4585-9914-19c3de11d1ba\/episodes\/b182b402-07f6-4d58-89a8-539b81f7406f\/embed?type=micro\" style=\"width: 100%; height: 30px; border: 0 none;\" scrolling=\"no\"><\/iframe><\/noscript><\/div>\n<\/div>\n<p><strong>What was your favorite quote or lesson from this episode? Please let me know <a href=\"https:\/\/tim.blog\/2023\/11\/09\/sheila-heen-feedback\/#respond\">in the comments<\/a>.<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>SCROLL BELOW FOR LINKS AND SHOW NOTES\u2026<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><span id=\"more-69990\"\/><\/p>\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\">SELECTED LINKS FROM THE EPISODE<\/h3>\n<ul>\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/www.amazon.com\/Thanks-Feedback-Science-Receiving-Well\/dp\/0143127136\/?tag=offsitoftimfe-20\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"nofollow external noopener noreferrer\"><strong>Thanks for the Feedback: The Science and Art of Receiving Feedback Well by Douglas Stone and Sheila Heen | Amazon<\/strong><\/a><\/li>\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/www.amazon.com\/Difficult-Conversations-Discuss-What-Matters\/dp\/0143118447\/?tag=offsitoftimfe-20\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"nofollow external noopener noreferrer\">Difficult Conversations: How to Discuss What Matters Most by Douglas Stone, Bruce Patton, and Sheila Heen | Amazon<\/a><\/li>\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/www.triadconsultinggroup.com\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"nofollow external noopener noreferrer\">Triad Consulting Group<\/a><\/li>\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/www.pon.harvard.edu\/category\/research_projects\/harvard-negotiation-project\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"nofollow external noopener noreferrer\">Harvard Negotiation Project | Harvard Law School<\/a><\/li>\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/tim.blog\/2021\/09\/09\/sheila-heen\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">Sheila Heen of the Harvard Negotiation Project \u2014 How to Navigate Hard Conversations, the Subtle Art of Apologizing, and a Powerful 60-Day Challenge | The Tim Ferriss Show #532<\/a><\/li>\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/www.theatlantic.com\/science\/archive\/2016\/10\/the-psychology-of-victim-blaming\/502661\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"nofollow external noopener noreferrer\">The Psychology of Victim Blaming | The Atlantic<\/a><\/li>\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/www.amazon.com\/4-Hour-Workweek-Escape-Live-Anywhere\/dp\/0307465357\/?tag=offsitoftimfe-20\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"nofollow external noopener noreferrer\">The 4-Hour Workweek: Escape 9-5, Live Anywhere, and Join the New Rich by Tim Ferriss | Amazon<\/a><\/li>\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/twitter.com\/singh_nikita\/status\/1485273932144033803\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"nofollow external noopener noreferrer\">RE: Bill Cosby Quote from The 4-Hour Workweek | Nikita Singh, Twitter<\/a><\/li>\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/globalleadership.org\/videos\/leading-others\/appreciation-coaching-evaluation\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"nofollow external noopener noreferrer\">Sheila Heen: Appreciation, Coaching, and Evaluation (ACE) | Global Leadership Network<\/a><\/li>\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/medicine.yale.edu\/news-article\/three-kinds-of-feedback\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"nofollow external noopener noreferrer\">Three Kinds of Feedback | Yale School of Medicine<\/a><\/li>\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/www.amazon.com\/War-Art-Through-Creative-Battles\/dp\/1936891026\/?tag=offsitoftimfe-20\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"nofollow external noopener noreferrer\">The War of Art: Break Through the Blocks and Win Your Inner Creative Battles by Steven Pressfield | Amazon<\/a><\/li>\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/qz.com\/work\/1086444\/ask-for-feedback-but-first-learn-how-to-receive-it\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"nofollow external noopener noreferrer\">To Give Better Feedback, You Must Fully Understand the Agony of Receiving It | Quartz At Work<\/a><\/li>\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/www.amazon.com\/Getting-Love-You-Want-Couples-ebook\/dp\/B07CG4ZLBR\/?tag=offsitoftimfe-20\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"nofollow external noopener noreferrer\">Getting the Love You Want: A Guide for Couples by Harville Hendrix and Helen LaKelly Hunt | Amazon<\/a><\/li>\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/globalleadership.org\/videos\/leading-yourself\/blame-absorbing-vs-blame-shifting?locale=en\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"nofollow external noopener noreferrer\">Sheila Heen: Blame Absorbing vs. Blame Shifting | Global Leadership Network<\/a><\/li>\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/www.conversationagent.com\/2017\/08\/the-three-kinds-of-feedback.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"nofollow external noopener noreferrer\">The Three Kinds of Feedback and Our Triggers | Conversation Agent<\/a><\/li>\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/www.rorschach.org\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"nofollow external noopener noreferrer\">Online Rorschach Inkblot Test<\/a><\/li>\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/www.amazon.com\/Nonviolent-Communication-audiobook\/dp\/B00TKMBJKE\/?tag=offsitoftimfe-20\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"nofollow external noopener noreferrer\">Nonviolent Communication: Create Your Life, Your Relationships, and Your World in Harmony with Your Values by Marshall B. Rosenberg | Amazon<\/a><\/li>\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/www.gottman.com\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"nofollow external noopener noreferrer\">A Research-Based Approach to Relationships | The Gottman Institute<\/a><\/li>\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/www.gottman.com\/blog\/the-6-things-that-predict-divorce\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"nofollow external noopener noreferrer\">The 6 Things That Predict Divorce | The Gottman Institute<\/a><\/li>\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/www.independent.co.uk\/news\/science\/why-do-people-roll-their-eyes-psychologist-suggests-theories-for-passiveaggressive-sign-in-teenage-girls-a6881371.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"nofollow external noopener noreferrer\">Why Do People Roll Their Eyes? Psychologist Suggests Theories for Passive-Aggressive Sign in Teenage Girls | The Independent<\/a><\/li>\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/www.medicalnewstoday.com\/articles\/how-to-treat-fatigue-from-lyme-disease\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"nofollow external noopener noreferrer\">How to Treat Fatigue From Lyme Disease: 5 Tips | Medical News Today<\/a><\/li>\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/www.reddit.com\/r\/pettyrevenge\/top\/?t=week\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"nofollow external noopener noreferrer\">For All Your Stories of Small Victories Over Those Who\u2019ve Wronged You | r\/PettyRevenge<\/a><\/li>\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/www.amazon.com\/Kill-Bill-1-Uma-Thurman\/dp\/B008Y7G1BI\/?tag=offsitoftimfe-20\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"nofollow external noopener noreferrer\">Kill Bill: Volume 1 | Prime Video<\/a><\/li>\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/www.amazon.com\/Kill-Bill-2-Uma-Thurman\/dp\/B008Y78AO4\/?tag=offsitoftimfe-20\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"nofollow external noopener noreferrer\">Kill Bill: Volume 2 | Prime Video<\/a><\/li>\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/watch?v=doRMsjoDevY\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"nofollow external noopener noreferrer\">The 5 Love Languages Explained | Wisdom for Life<\/a><\/li>\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/www.verywellmind.com\/words-of-affirmation-4783539\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"nofollow external noopener noreferrer\">How to Use Words of Affirmation in Your Relationship | Verywell Mind<\/a><\/li>\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/globalleadership.org\/videos\/leading-organizations\/the-one-thing-questions\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"nofollow external noopener noreferrer\">Sheila Heen: The \u201cOne Thing\u201d Questions | Global Leadership Network<\/a><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\">SHOW NOTES<\/h3>\n<ul>\n<li>[07:01] Conversations\u00a0<em>are<\/em>\u00a0the relationship.<\/li>\n<li>[08:12] How should we talk about feedback?<\/li>\n<li>[11:16] De-escalating the ask.<\/li>\n<li>[13:30] Addressing victim-blaming feedback for the new edition of\u00a0<em>Difficult Conversations<\/em>.<\/li>\n<li>[28:48] How I\u2019ve dealt with reader (and proofreader) feedback.<\/li>\n<li>[41:18] Making use of the three types of feedback.<\/li>\n<li>[49:05] Received difficult feedback? Phone a friend.<\/li>\n<li>[54:36] Discovering a good\/bad match early in the dating game.<\/li>\n<li>[00:59:30] How I\u2019ve traditionally handled conflict and stress.<\/li>\n<li>[1:07:50] The conundrum of feedback\u2019s source.<\/li>\n<li>[1:09:03] Three triggered reactions to feedback.<\/li>\n<li>[1:12:09] The you plus me combination.<\/li>\n<li>[1:20:16] What does resolution look like?<\/li>\n<li>[1:22:52] The Gottman Institute.<\/li>\n<li>[1:29:35] Coping with a relationship\u2019s unresolvable frictions.<\/li>\n<li>[1:33:41] The courtship of Sheila\u2019s sister.<\/li>\n<li>[1:37:11] A thirst for vindictiveness and other deal breakers.<\/li>\n<li>[1:43:31] Learning from the comfort of our strengths.<\/li>\n<li>[1:45:43] Perspective from three positions.<\/li>\n<li>[1:47:09] How to extend positive reinforcement.<\/li>\n<li>[1:51:26] Giving feedback without starting a fight.<\/li>\n<li>[1:55:12] Asking \u201cone thing\u201d questions as a leader.<\/li>\n<li>[1:57:43] Are you aware of your need to receive feedback?<\/li>\n<li>[2:02:13] Parting thoughts.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\">MORE SHEILA HEEN QUOTES FROM THE INTERVIEW<\/h3>\n<p><strong>\u201cBeing an honest mirror is asking a friend to help you see what might be right about this feedback.\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>\u201cWe uncovered some evidence that suggests that, in terms of sensitivity to feedback, how upset we get and how long it takes us to recover, that can vary by up to 3,000 percent.\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>\u201cWe have the biggest emotional reaction to the evaluation part because we hate being judged. It\u2019s hard. It\u2019s really hard to feel judged, so we\u2019re quick to hear it in anything.\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>\u201cThe need to give feedback is a felt problem. I have feedback for you. I\u2019m carrying it around with myself because I don\u2019t know how to give it to you, or I\u2019ve tried to give it to you and you\u2019re not taking it. If there\u2019s a book that would help me do that, I would buy that book, and could use some help. The need to receive feedback from other people who are carrying it around and not giving it to us is not necessarily a felt problem. I\u2019m oblivious to it. I have mixed feelings about it.\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\">PEOPLE MENTIONED<\/h3>\n<p><h3 class=\"jp-relatedposts-headline\"><em>Related and Recommended<\/em><\/h3>\n<\/p>\n<p><em><a href=\"https:\/\/tim.blog\/podcast\"><strong>The Tim Ferriss Show<\/strong><\/a> <\/em><span>is one <\/span>of the most popular podcasts in the world with more than 900 million downloads. It has been selected for &#8220;Best of Apple Podcasts&#8221; three times, it is often the #1 interview podcast across all of Apple Podcasts, and it&#8217;s been ranked #1 out of 400,000+ podcasts on many occasions. To listen to any of the past episodes for free, check out <strong><a href=\"https:\/\/tim.blog\/podcast\">this page<\/a><\/strong>.<\/p>\n<\/p><\/div>\n<p><script async src=\"\/\/platform.twitter.com\/widgets.js\" charset=\"utf-8\"><\/script><br \/>\n<br \/><a href=\"https:\/\/hop.clickbank.net\/?affiliate=infohatch&amp;vendor=J1R2C\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"size-full wp-image-10614 aligncenter\" src=\"http:\/\/parmaks.com\/Resources\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/profit-gen400px.png\" alt=\"Profit Gen\" width=\"400\" height=\"217\" srcset=\"https:\/\/parmaks.com\/Resources\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/profit-gen400px.png 400w, https:\/\/parmaks.com\/Resources\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/profit-gen400px-300x163.png 300w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 400px) 100vw, 400px\" \/><\/a><br \/><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Illustration via 99designs Sheila Heen\u00a0has spent the last three decades working to understand how people can better navigate conflict, with a particular specialty in difficult [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":4943,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[13],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-4942","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-growth"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/parmaks.com\/Resources\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4942","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/parmaks.com\/Resources\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/parmaks.com\/Resources\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/parmaks.com\/Resources\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/parmaks.com\/Resources\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=4942"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/parmaks.com\/Resources\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4942\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/parmaks.com\/Resources\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/4943"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/parmaks.com\/Resources\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=4942"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/parmaks.com\/Resources\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=4942"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/parmaks.com\/Resources\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=4942"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}