{"id":511,"date":"2022-12-31T00:30:19","date_gmt":"2022-12-31T04:30:19","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/parmaks.com\/Resources\/upgrading-your-reference-frames-steve-pavlina\/"},"modified":"2023-01-02T19:23:09","modified_gmt":"2023-01-02T23:23:09","slug":"upgrading-your-reference-frames-steve-pavlina","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/parmaks.com\/Resources\/upgrading-your-reference-frames-steve-pavlina\/","title":{"rendered":"Upgrading Your Reference Frames \u2013 Steve Pavlina"},"content":{"rendered":"\"Profit<\/a>\n
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Conscious reframing is one of the most accessible self-development skills because it aligns with how your brain works internally. <\/span><\/p>\n

Your brain already performs this task for you. And just as you can consciously control your breathing, you can also learn to consciously control your reference frames.<\/span><\/p>\n

A reference frame<\/em> is a context upon which other thinking and behaviors are layered. It\u2019s essentially an assignment of meaning.<\/span><\/p>\n

We don\u2019t think in terms of how reality works. We think in terms of how we\u2019re modeling reality internally. <\/span><\/p>\n

Our brains are constantly building and refining models (or frames).<\/span><\/p>\n

For example, during a conversation you might use the frame that you\u2019re on a romantic date, or maybe it\u2019s a job interview, or perhaps it\u2019s a coaching session. <\/span><\/p>\n

The frame you use will determine the decisions you make and the thoughts that bubble up from your mind. <\/span><\/p>\n

If you frame a conversation as a date, your mind will try to generate thoughts consistent with that frame. <\/span><\/p>\n

If you frame that same conversation as an interview, your mind will generate different thoughts.<\/span><\/p>\n

Change the reference frames you use, and you can significantly change the flow of actions and the results you get.<\/span><\/p>\n

Many people don\u2019t even realize that they can consciously choose to use different frames. <\/span><\/p>\n

They get latched onto a frame and mistake it for the only reality they can access, even though there are countless other framing options that remain accessible. <\/span><\/p>\n

Another name for this is limiting beliefs.<\/em> What many people don\u2019t see is that every reference frame is inherently limiting. Every belief limits you. <\/span><\/p>\n

But there is freedom to be found in flexing the variety of frames you can access.<\/span><\/p>\n

Motivating Frames<\/h2>\n

It\u2019s been powerful to challenge the default reference frames I learned when I was younger and to gradually upgrade them (sometimes just from desperation).<\/span><\/p>\n

For instance, I don\u2019t normally use reference frames like jobs or salaries or income to think about work. <\/span><\/p>\n

I use reference frames like opportunities, invitations, creative explorations, fun, and mutual appreciation. <\/span><\/p>\n

My old reference frames (that sucked) were so damned mental and fenced in. <\/span><\/p>\n

My preferred reference frames are much more emotionally stimulating, and they align way better with what actually motivates me.<\/span><\/p>\n

When I was broke, I used reference frames that made money feel scarce, limited, and difficult to earn in sufficient quantities. <\/span><\/p>\n

I kept focusing on trying to increase my income. I thought a lot about the reference frames of rent and bills and how the heck I was going to cover them. <\/span><\/p>\n

I often framed my financial life as a flow of income and expenses.<\/span><\/p>\n

These were demotivating and stressful frames to use, so no wonder they didn\u2019t invite my best creativity to solve my financial problems. <\/span><\/p>\n

Does that framing work any better for you?<\/span><\/p>\n

One of the biggest upgrades was to shift to using frames that increased motivation and creative flow \u2013 especially frames of fun, creativity, service, and sharing. <\/span><\/p>\n

These frames still work nicely today. They take care of the bills without having to focus on the bills.<\/span><\/p>\n

One of the most crucial shifts was to dump the reference frame of feeling like I had to prove myself \u2013 that one was such a bottomless pit. <\/span><\/p>\n

The reference frame of having nothing to prove was a lot more effective. <\/span><\/p>\n

Then I could pick projects based on exploration, growth, learning, discovery, connection, fun, opportunities, etc. <\/span><\/p>\n

It\u2019s more motivating to follow my curiosity instead of seeking validation.<\/span><\/p>\n

When I was in my 20s, I also used very short-term reference frames for time, mostly thinking about how to make it through the next few weeks or the next month. <\/span><\/p>\n

I ran so much of my life based on cycles of bills and rent. These days I prefer to think in terms of multi-year investments and long-term threads of action. <\/span><\/p>\n

My current reference frames are more patient and abundant with respect to time. In the past I wanted everything faster and sooner. <\/span><\/p>\n

Now I enjoy a more relaxed pacing most of the time, but I actually get more done and finished this way. <\/span><\/p>\n

Even when I go for a more intense experience, it\u2019s very manageable because I don\u2019t invest to the point of getting burnt out or frazzled.<\/span><\/p>\n

Socially I also dropped some frames that kept me stuck, like loyalty to family and long-term friends, regardless of glaring incompatibilities. <\/span><\/p>\n

When I stopped tolerating so many mismatches and began moving towards people that I genuinely liked and appreciated, that made such a wonderful difference. <\/span><\/p>\n

Another improvement was to be loyal to truth ahead of any loyalty to individuals. <\/span><\/p>\n

There\u2019s a huge opportunity cost that comes with investing in mismatches and partial matches, and we pay a big motivational price when we let ourselves become socially stuck.<\/span><\/p>\n

I\u2019d say the single most powerful framing upgrade was to pay attention to my relationship with life itself (or with reality). <\/span><\/p>\n

I began noticing which decisions hurt that relationship by making it more tense and stressful\u2026 or more boring and disengaged.<\/span><\/p>\n

I started noticing which decisions made that relationship better and added some nice sparkle and beauty to that relationship, leaving me feeling appreciative and centered. <\/span><\/p>\n

Then I kept striving to make decisions to honor this relationship instead of trashing it. That was hugely beneficial, leading to so many positive ripples. <\/span><\/p>\n

I grew happier and more satisfied with life over time. I felt way more supported too.<\/span><\/p>\n

Testing New Frames<\/h2>\n

What reference frames have you been using that no longer serve you? Any thoughts on which reference frames it may be time to dump?<\/span><\/p>\n

What other reference frames seem tempting? You could at least test them.<\/span><\/p>\n

One meta-level frame that I found especially helpful is that I can test frames without having to believe them. A frame isn\u2019t a truth. <\/span><\/p>\n

It\u2019s just a perspective, so no belief is necessary. This makes it easier to experiment since you don\u2019t have to convince yourself of anything. <\/span><\/p>\n

You can just dive in and see what the results are if you use different frames. Let the results convince you to keep using a frame (or not).<\/span><\/p>\n

I keep using certain reference frames since I like the results. I dumped the frames which created dismal results. <\/span><\/p>\n

I also get to witness other people\u2019s long-term use of different frames and the results they get from those frames.<\/span><\/p>\n

Due to how the brain works, it\u2019s tough to get better results with your actions if you don\u2019t also change your default reference frames. <\/span><\/p>\n

That\u2019s because decisions and actions flow from these frames \u2013 and therefore so do results.<\/span><\/p>\n

I got the most stuck when I tried to upgrade my decisions and actions while clinging to my old reference frames. <\/span><\/p>\n

When I had real breakthroughs, they generally began with a shift in reference frames, and that caused meaningful shifts in my thoughts, actions, and behaviors.<\/span><\/p>\n

One especially powerful shift happened when I challenged the old frame that I had to gain some level of financial abundance before I could do much to serve or help people. <\/span><\/p>\n

That frame got me nowhere, so I opted to test what would happen if I started volunteering and just trying to be of service for free, even though I wasn\u2019t doing well financially at the time. <\/span><\/p>\n

That got me into writing articles and doing a little speaking, which led to a stream of positive ripples. <\/span><\/p>\n

It helped me to align my intentions with mutual appreciation, not at some future point but in the present reality.<\/span><\/p>\n

Curiosity Is Enough<\/h2>\n

I seriously doubted that a service-based frame would work when I was broke. I had no belief that it would improve my life. I just had curiosity. That was enough.<\/span><\/p>\n

You may have been taught from other self-development sources that belief is what matters. Well, they\u2019re wrong. You don\u2019t need belief. Curiosity is sufficient.<\/span><\/p>\n

Holding a strong belief about anything is always going to be a mixed bag. A belief that can help you excel in one experience may savagely hurt you in a similar endeavor.<\/span><\/p>\n

Frames are useful tools for solving problems. Some tools are better in some situations than others. <\/span><\/p>\n

Just as you don\u2019t want to be dogmatic about your tools, it\u2019s wise to remain flexible with your frames too. <\/span><\/p>\n

You\u2019ll always have your tried-and-true favorites, but keep in mind that you can always put them down and try different frames when the situation warrants.<\/span><\/p>\n

Be curious by asking yourself which frames might shed light on a current problem or challenge, thereby making it easier to solve. <\/span><\/p>\n

A transactional frame kept me financially stuck. A service-based frame was a super helpful change. A fun-based frame was another. <\/span><\/p>\n

Instead of fussing over rent and bills, I finally made progress by focusing on how to serve people in a motivating and enjoyable way. <\/span><\/p>\n

Those frames have been working well for more than two decades now, but I remain willing to test other frames too.<\/span><\/p>\n

Some Favorite Frames<\/h2>\n

Some other favorite frames include:<\/span><\/p>\n