{"id":637,"date":"2023-01-06T16:37:10","date_gmt":"2023-01-06T20:37:10","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/parmaks.com\/Resources\/dont-overcome-your-demons-make-them-your-friends\/"},"modified":"2023-01-06T16:37:10","modified_gmt":"2023-01-06T20:37:10","slug":"dont-overcome-your-demons-make-them-your-friends","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/parmaks.com\/Resources\/dont-overcome-your-demons-make-them-your-friends\/","title":{"rendered":"Don\u2019t Overcome Your Demons, Make them Your Friends"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"Profit<\/a>
\n<\/p>\n

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As kids, we\u2019re told to\u00a0treat others as we\u2019d like to be treated,\u00a0but as adults, many of us have trouble extending that \u201cgolden rule\u201d to ourselves. <\/p>\n

How often do you find yourself thinking, saying, or believing things about yourself that are so unsavory you would certainly never say them to others? What if instead of trying to fight those inner demons, we decided to give them a high five, maybe even a hug?<\/p>\n

For a variety of reasons, most of us carry internalized stories about ourselves that don\u2019t serve us that well anymore. <\/strong><\/p>\n

I can go first and say that at my worst I\u2019m constantly telling myself how mean, judgemental, selfish, and attention-seeking I am. It\u2019s uncomfortable to write or say out loud, and for most of my life, I\u2019ve been trying to shove these parts of myself away. I often think that I\u2019ve conquered them, but then they come rushing back, looming over me with greater power.\u00a0<\/p>\n

After watching the TED Talk I\u2019m going to share with you, something has changed. Instead of holding these parts of myself in contempt, I\u2019ve started having compassion <\/a>for them. And while I haven\u2019t interviewed my family and friends to see if I\u2019m becoming a better version of myself, four simple phrases have started to help me evolve.<\/p>\n

\"Hypnotherapy<\/figure>\n

How Often Are You a Jerk to Yourself?<\/h2>\n

In 2004, news anchor Dan Harris experienced the worst nightmare of many: he had a panic attack on live television. In his subsequent search for a way to deal with the anxiety and depression that he experienced, he eventually turned to the practice of meditation. He came to it as a skeptic\u2014a\u00a0huge<\/em>\u00a0skeptic\u2014but after adopting the practice he found it had a profoundly positive impact on his overall well-being.\u00a0<\/p>\n

Wanting to know if his inner work was having any outer results, he decided to get a 360-review from his coworkers, family, and mentors\u2014an exercise typically utilized in the corporate world that is designed to help you see your strengths and flaws from the anonymous perspective of those around you. <\/p>\n

In the summary of this review, the first few pages were positive and reassuring, but what came next was horrifying to him. The aspects of himself he was most ashamed of, the very attributes about himself he tried to hide away\u2013being angry and self-centered\u2013were on full display to others.\u00a0<\/p>\n

On a new mission to try and make improvements on the pages of his failings, he eventually found a new kind of meditation <\/a>practice\u2013the\u00a0Lovingkindness<\/em>\u00a0meditation<\/strong>\u2013that helped him. Now, if you\u2019re a meditation skeptic, or the word \u201cLovingkindness\u201d seems too soft for you, I\u2019ll remind you that Dan Harris is not a stereotypical meditator,\u00a0and<\/em>\u00a0he too was leery of a practice as seemingly squishy as wishing others and himself happiness and health. <\/p>\n

But after finally giving in to the practice, he now believes that adopting this simple meditation\u2013that just takes a few minutes to try\u2013has the power to make us all a lot happier and kinder to ourselves, and others.<\/p>\n

Here\u2019s Dan Harris from the\u00a0TED stage\u00a0with a talk that I have found life-changing:\u00a0The Benefits of Not being a Jerk to Yourself.<\/em>\u00a0Take a watch:<\/p>\n

The Benefits of Not Being a Jerk to Yourself | Dan Harris | TED
<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

May you be happy. May you be safe. May you be healthy. May you live with ease.<\/em><\/h3>\n

These four phrases are the backbone of the\u00a0Lovingkindness<\/em>\u00a0meditation<\/a> that had such a profound impact on Dan. It\u2019s a simple enough meditation that involves taking a few minutes to think of people in your life\u2013and yourself\u2013and wish them well. I have been using a rendition of it since I was 19 years old when I first learned about it by reading\u00a0Happiness is an Inside Job<\/em><\/a>\u00a0by Sylvia Boorstein, Ph.D.<\/p>\n

As a cynical teen, I forced myself to give it a try when I read, \u201cI can seriously dislike people, or not like what they do, and still not make them my enemies. Wishing people well means I\u2019ve stopped being afraid of them\u2026Relieved of the sense of needing to be defensive\u2026I am changed.\u00a0<\/p>\n

For years, I was primarily applying this meditation to others, but after hearing Dan Harris\u2019 talk I realized how true this statement is for our inner demons, too. If we can stop being afraid of them, we can relieve ourselves of constantly being defensive.<\/p>\n

The Lovingkindness\u00a0<\/em>Meditation<\/h2>\n

1. Start with the people you love<\/h3>\n

Start by closing your eyes and bringing to mind somebody you love. Picture them with a smile on your face, and now meaningfully say \u201cMay you be happy. May you be safe. May you be healthy. May you live with ease.\u201d Repeat this process with a few other people who you love. I urge you to do this with a smile and really mean it\u2014after doing this practice for over a decade now, it really helps.\u00a0<\/p>\n

2. Turn this compassion and love on yourself\u2014all aspects of yourself<\/h3>\n

Now, turn this practice on yourself. Picture yourself, picture those parts of yourself that you work so hard to push away, and say \u201cMay you be happy. May you be safe. May you be healthy. May you live with ease.\u201d Do this a few times if you need to in order to really mean it, really feel it. Think as though you are wishing the very best to a beloved child or person in your life. It might feel dumb when you do it, and if it does, say it again to that self-judgmental part of you, too.<\/p>\n

3. Repeat with others and the world<\/h3>\n

Now, repeat this process, thinking of a neutral person, and then somebody in your life you find difficult. And end the practice of wishing happiness, safety, health, and ease to all beings.<\/p>\n

4. Embrace any self-judgment<\/h3>\n

Will this feel silly in the beginning? Well if you\u2019re a skeptic it\u00a0for sure<\/em>\u00a0will. But I urge you to lean into that feeling and go with it. Wishing that self-critical part of your mind happiness, safety, health, and ease. Have some compassion. That self-critical part of yourself was developed after a lifetime of trying to protect yourself from feeling ostracized, judged, or hurt. It\u2019s just trying its best to do its job. Even if its job isn\u2019t serving you right now.<\/p>\n

\"two<\/figure>\n

It\u2019s Time to High Five\u2014or Hug\u2014Your Demons<\/h2>\n
\n

If you can\u2019t love yourself, how in the hell you gonna to love somebody else?<\/p>\n

\u2013 RuPaul Charles<\/cite><\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Like anything, this takes practice. The things you beat yourself up about will happen. You will find yourself in downward spirals, wrestling with what you believe to be the worst parts of yourself. <\/p>\n

And while sometimes those parts that we are most embarrassed about are there, fighting them can be a lifelong battle. Instead, we can embrace them<\/a>, have compassion for them, give them a hug or a high five, and thank them for their service.<\/strong><\/p>\n

I hope that you leave today with more of a spring in your step, more compassion for yourself, and a new practice you can start using today!<\/p>\n

Stay beautiful & keep laughing!<\/p>\n

\n

This article was first published on\u00a0Goodness Exchange<\/a>\u00a0and is now being shared here in partnership with Mindvalley.<\/em><\/p>\n<\/p><\/div>\n

\"Profit<\/a>
<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

As kids, we\u2019re told to\u00a0treat others as we\u2019d like to be treated,\u00a0but as adults, many of us have trouble extending that \u201cgolden rule\u201d to ourselves. […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":638,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[16],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-637","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-happiness"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/parmaks.com\/Resources\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/637","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/parmaks.com\/Resources\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/parmaks.com\/Resources\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/parmaks.com\/Resources\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/parmaks.com\/Resources\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=637"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/parmaks.com\/Resources\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/637\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/parmaks.com\/Resources\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/638"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/parmaks.com\/Resources\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=637"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/parmaks.com\/Resources\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=637"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/parmaks.com\/Resources\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=637"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}