{"id":698,"date":"2023-01-10T23:34:40","date_gmt":"2023-01-11T03:34:40","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/parmaks.com\/Resources\/5-tips-to-say-no\/"},"modified":"2023-01-10T23:34:40","modified_gmt":"2023-01-11T03:34:40","slug":"5-tips-to-say-no","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/parmaks.com\/Resources\/5-tips-to-say-no\/","title":{"rendered":"5 Tips to Say No"},"content":{"rendered":"<p> <a href=\"https:\/\/hop.clickbank.net\/?affiliate=infohatch&amp;vendor=J1R2C\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"size-full wp-image-10614 aligncenter\" src=\"http:\/\/parmaks.com\/Resources\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/profit-gen400px.png\" alt=\"Profit Gen\" width=\"400\" height=\"217\" srcset=\"https:\/\/parmaks.com\/Resources\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/profit-gen400px.png 400w, https:\/\/parmaks.com\/Resources\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/profit-gen400px-300x163.png 300w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 400px) 100vw, 400px\" \/><\/a><br \/>\n<\/p>\n<div>\n<p>We all know there\u2019s a fine line between being generous and being a people pleaser. And maybe, a few of us have even struggled with it.<\/p>\n<p>When we try so hard to accommodate everyone\u2019s feelings, we tend to forget about our own boundaries. The truth is, we can\u2019t please everyone and sometimes trying to do so, might break relationships, rather than make them flourish.<\/p>\n<p>That\u2019s the very heart of a podcast episode of Honest Conversations (exclusive for Mindvalley Members) with <strong>Kristina M\u00e4nd-Lakhiani<\/strong>, co-founder of Mindvalley, and transformational coach <strong>Hailey Magee.<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>Taking insights from their heartfelt discussion, here\u2019s a dive into what it means to run on this pattern of caring excessively for the needs of others:<\/p>\n<p>You may slowly find out that you can create a life where you put yourself first, without being selfish. And that will bring you the connections you truly dream about. It all starts with yourself.<\/p>\n<h2 id=\"h-what-is-a-people-pleaser\">What Is a People Pleaser?<\/h2>\n<p>People pleasing is when someone puts other people\u2019s dreams, needs, and aspirations ahead of their own. It\u2019s a compulsive behavior to care for people even when it means letting go of yourself in order to do so.<\/p>\n<p>Hailey describes the people-pleasing syndrome as chronically sacrificing yourself for the ones around you. You may often feel like you are a second character in your own story and you\u2019re not <a href=\"https:\/\/blog.mindvalley.com\/living-for-yourself\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">living for yourself<\/a> anymore. And maybe you\u2019ve never learned how to do so.<\/p>\n<figure class=\"wp-block-image size-full\"><img decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\" width=\"1200\" height=\"800\" src=\"https:\/\/storage.googleapis.com\/mv-prod-blog-en-assets\/2023\/01\/c3d4e7fc-people-pleaser-pexels-askar-abayev-5638602.jpg\" alt=\"People pleaser\" class=\"wp-image-66083\" srcset=\"https:\/\/storage.googleapis.com\/mv-prod-blog-en-assets\/2023\/01\/c3d4e7fc-people-pleaser-pexels-askar-abayev-5638602.jpg 1200w, https:\/\/storage.googleapis.com\/mv-prod-blog-en-assets\/2023\/01\/c3d4e7fc-people-pleaser-pexels-askar-abayev-5638602-768x512.jpg 768w, https:\/\/storage.googleapis.com\/mv-prod-blog-en-assets\/2023\/01\/c3d4e7fc-people-pleaser-pexels-askar-abayev-5638602-736x491.jpg 736w, https:\/\/storage.googleapis.com\/mv-prod-blog-en-assets\/2023\/01\/c3d4e7fc-people-pleaser-pexels-askar-abayev-5638602-442x295.jpg 442w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 1200px) 100vw, 1200px\"\/><\/figure>\n<h2 id=\"h-main-signs-that-you-are-a-people-pleaser\">Main Signs That You Are a People Pleaser<\/h2>\n<p>Sometimes, it\u2019s easy to fall into a never-ending cycle of caring for others without realizing you\u2019re doing so. Here are a few signs that may indicate the tendency to people-please:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>Saying \u201cno\u201d is really difficult for you<\/li>\n<li>The need for constant approval<\/li>\n<li>Low self-esteem and <a href=\"https:\/\/blog.mindvalley.com\/self-respect\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">self-respect<\/a><\/li>\n<li>You tend to agree in order to be liked<\/li>\n<li>Setting boundaries makes you feel guilty<\/li>\n<li>You don\u2019t usually take time for yourself<\/li>\n<li>Other\u2019s opinion of you makes you feel anxious<\/li>\n<li>Constantly apologizing even if you know it\u2019s not your fault<\/li>\n<li>Feeling afraid to be seen as selfish<\/li>\n<li>Not sharing your feelings with others<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>Of course, from time to time, you might catch yourself trying to please people and that\u2019s also part of human nature. However, the real goal is to liberate yourself from patterns that are holding you back from living authentically and in connection with yourself and others.<\/p>\n<h2 id=\"h-reasons-why-you-might-be-a-people-pleaser\">Reasons Why You Might Be a People Pleaser<\/h2>\n<p>People pleasing can stem from various causes that impacted your life in one way or another. Here go a few of the more common reasons:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li><strong>Environment. <\/strong>Being raised in an environment where your emotional needs for being seen, valued and listened to aren\u2019t met creates an unconscious pattern of being a people pleaser, explains Hailey.\u00a0<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<ul>\n<li><strong>Role in relationships.<\/strong> Marisa Peer, world-renowned Rapid Transformational Therapy\u00ae (RTT\u00ae) trainer and trainer of Mindvalley\u2019s Uncompromised Life Quest highlights one of the roles people play in relationships: the carer. So if you think that there\u2019s no one around to fulfill your needs, you become the person who takes care of everybody else in order to be loved.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<ul>\n<li><strong>Feeling unsafe. <\/strong>Hailey points out that oftentimes when you tend to please everyone around you, the reason behind this is not feeling safe and secure within a relationship. So you keep yourself quiet and small to feel safe. You might unconsciously believe that your relationships will end if you set boundaries and put yourself first.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>Letting go of <a href=\"https:\/\/blog.mindvalley.com\/belief-system\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">belief systems<\/a> that no longer serve you may be somehow difficult, but it\u2019s 100% possible. And sometimes it\u2019s helpful to understand the long-term consequences of constantly draining your energy for others.<\/p>\n<figure class=\"wp-block-image size-full\"><img decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\" width=\"1200\" height=\"800\" src=\"https:\/\/storage.googleapis.com\/mv-prod-blog-en-assets\/2023\/01\/d55ae629-people-pleaser-pexels-cottonbro-studio-4880415.jpg\" alt=\"Pleasing people\" class=\"wp-image-66084\" srcset=\"https:\/\/storage.googleapis.com\/mv-prod-blog-en-assets\/2023\/01\/d55ae629-people-pleaser-pexels-cottonbro-studio-4880415.jpg 1200w, https:\/\/storage.googleapis.com\/mv-prod-blog-en-assets\/2023\/01\/d55ae629-people-pleaser-pexels-cottonbro-studio-4880415-768x512.jpg 768w, https:\/\/storage.googleapis.com\/mv-prod-blog-en-assets\/2023\/01\/d55ae629-people-pleaser-pexels-cottonbro-studio-4880415-736x491.jpg 736w, https:\/\/storage.googleapis.com\/mv-prod-blog-en-assets\/2023\/01\/d55ae629-people-pleaser-pexels-cottonbro-studio-4880415-442x295.jpg 442w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 1200px) 100vw, 1200px\"\/><\/figure>\n<h2 id=\"h-why-you-can-t-please-everyone\">Why You Can\u2019t Please Everyone<\/h2>\n<p>Realistically, we really simply can\u2019t please everyone. Yet, a <a href=\"https:\/\/today.yougov.com\/topics\/society\/articles-reports\/2022\/08\/22\/women-more-likely-men-people-pleasing-poll\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">2022 survey<\/a> by YouGov found that 49% of Americans identify themselves as people-pleasers \u2014 women more than men.<\/p>\n<p>The constant need to put others\u2019 needs before your own can leave you feeling drained and depleted. And here comes the danger of being a people pleaser. This state of mind can seriously affect your emotional and mental health.\u00a0<\/p>\n<p>The real goal isn\u2019t to be liked by everyone; rather, it\u2019s about you liking yourself no matter how many people you have around you or how much praise you can get from others. You may be surprised that in a state of peace and acceptance of who you are in every moment, you will attract genuine connections and more desirable things than you can imagine.<\/p>\n<h2 id=\"h-how-to-stop-being-a-people-pleaser-tips-from-mindvalley-experts\">How to Stop Being a People Pleaser: Tips From Mindvalley Experts<\/h2>\n<p>As Hailey puts it, <em>\u201cBreaking a pattern is all about looking within.\u201d <\/em>And once you admit that you\u2019ve been running your relationships on pleasing other people and forgetting about yourself, here are some tips from Mindvalley experts to liberate yourself and go deeper within:<\/p>\n<h3>1. Start setting (small) boundaries<\/h3>\n<p>Hailey encourages you to slowly practice <strong>setting boundaries and saying no<\/strong>. You can take the first steps by starting with small things that you don\u2019t want to do.\u00a0<\/p>\n<p>Take, for example, choosing a restaurant that <em>you <\/em>truly want to go to. Or deciding where you want to go on the next hangout you\u2019re invited to.\u00a0<\/p>\n<p>Focus on the simple things that you neglect because you think they don\u2019t matter in building self-love and self-respect. And then just practice until you feel more comfortable.<\/p>\n<p>Leaning into the discomfort of setting boundaries is no easy task but it will dramatically change how much energy you save for yourself. And as Hailey says, it\u2019s true that <em>\u201cone of the most challenging things of boundary setting is that we can control if we set a boundary but we cannot control how other people will take it.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n<p>You may think of that and find it terrifying. However, this is why you slowly build your resilience toward saying those big no\u2019s that you feel deeply.<\/p>\n<div class=\"wp-block-image\">\n<figure class=\"aligncenter size-full\"><img decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\" width=\"500\" height=\"500\" src=\"https:\/\/storage.googleapis.com\/mv-prod-blog-en-assets\/2023\/01\/fcbe1ca7-people-pleaser-hailey-magee.jpg\" alt=\"Hailey Magee on people pleasing\" class=\"wp-image-66088\" srcset=\"https:\/\/storage.googleapis.com\/mv-prod-blog-en-assets\/2023\/01\/fcbe1ca7-people-pleaser-hailey-magee.jpg 500w, https:\/\/storage.googleapis.com\/mv-prod-blog-en-assets\/2023\/01\/fcbe1ca7-people-pleaser-hailey-magee-344x344.jpg 344w, https:\/\/storage.googleapis.com\/mv-prod-blog-en-assets\/2023\/01\/fcbe1ca7-people-pleaser-hailey-magee-214x214.jpg 214w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 500px) 100vw, 500px\"\/><figcaption class=\"wp-element-caption\">Hailey Magee, transformational coach<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n<\/div>\n<h3>2. Take up (your) space<\/h3>\n<p>As mentioned earlier, one of the reasons for being a people pleaser is feeling unsafe so you compress yourself. Sometimes you may be afraid of <strong>taking up your space in a relationship and owning your voice<\/strong>.<\/p>\n<p>But Hailey suggests asking yourself, <em>\u201cWhat would your life look like long-term if you didn\u2019t own who you truly are?\u201d <\/em>How do you feel in that life? What are the consequences?<\/p>\n<p>Of course, it\u2019s easier said than done. However, the same rule applies: <em>slowly but surely<\/em>. You may not feel like turning your life upside down in a heartbeat. And that\u2019s okay. You may, however, think of what you can control right now. And focus on what\u2019s in your control every step of the way.<\/p>\n<h3>3. Meet your dragons<\/h3>\n<p>What Kristina encourages you to do is <strong>meeting your dragons<\/strong> \u2014 in other words, facing your shadows. A lot of times people tend to be people pleasers because they\u2019re actually afraid of what they may find if they look inside themselves.<\/p>\n<p>But you may be surprised; you might even like it. Or you could realize that it\u2019s really not as bad as you thought it would be. Just imagine for one moment that you\u2019d start putting yourself first. What part of you would come up?\u00a0<\/p>\n<p>Kristina highlights that you can run away from your emotions. But the unacknowledged feelings will just pile up somewhere inside you and explode at some point. The only way out is through, as the saying goes.\u00a0<\/p>\n<p>So don\u2019t be afraid to dive deeper into your process of <a href=\"https:\/\/blog.mindvalley.com\/shadow-work\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">shadow work<\/a>. You\u2019ll notice that behind people-pleasing behaviors hide some hurt parts of yourself that want your love and attention.<\/p>\n<figure class=\"wp-block-image size-full\"><img decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\" width=\"1199\" height=\"798\" src=\"https:\/\/storage.googleapis.com\/mv-prod-blog-en-assets\/2023\/01\/097448d5-people-pleaser-kristina-mindvalley-karen-harms.jpg\" alt=\"Kristina on people pleasing\" class=\"wp-image-66087\" srcset=\"https:\/\/storage.googleapis.com\/mv-prod-blog-en-assets\/2023\/01\/097448d5-people-pleaser-kristina-mindvalley-karen-harms.jpg 1199w, https:\/\/storage.googleapis.com\/mv-prod-blog-en-assets\/2023\/01\/097448d5-people-pleaser-kristina-mindvalley-karen-harms-768x511.jpg 768w, https:\/\/storage.googleapis.com\/mv-prod-blog-en-assets\/2023\/01\/097448d5-people-pleaser-kristina-mindvalley-karen-harms-736x491.jpg 736w, https:\/\/storage.googleapis.com\/mv-prod-blog-en-assets\/2023\/01\/097448d5-people-pleaser-kristina-mindvalley-karen-harms-442x295.jpg 442w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 1199px) 100vw, 1199px\"\/><figcaption class=\"wp-element-caption\">Kristina M\u00e4nd-Lakhiani, co-founder of Mindvalley<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n<h3>4. Switch off autopilot<\/h3>\n<p>Having moments of awareness will improve any areas of your life, not just help you deal with people pleasing. So Kristina recommends practicing moments of awareness with curiosity and no judgment.<\/p>\n<p>Just observe how you feel when you catch yourself putting other people\u2019s needs before your own or agreeing to do something although you actually feel like the answer is a no. What would you truly say at that moment?<\/p>\n<p><em>\u201cAwareness allows you to switch off autopilot and add space to your living experience,\u201d <\/em>explains Kristina. By just creating awareness, you make room for a different response to situations where you\u2019re functioning off old patterns.\u00a0<\/p>\n<h3>5. Embrace your unf*ckwithable mindset<\/h3>\n<p>Founder of Mindvalley, <strong>Vishen<\/strong> defines the concept of being unf*ckwithable<em> <\/em>as truly being at peace and in touch with yourself. Additionally, nothing anyone says or does bothers you and no negativity can touch you.<\/p>\n<p>Vishen suggests that one way to develop your unf*ckwithable mindset is to set your self-fueled goals (which are goals that act as anchors in your life.) Self-fueled goals give you unlimited power and motivation to continue creating the life of your dreams.<\/p>\n<p>And bottom line of creating a strong mindset where no one can mess with you is focusing on nurturing the love you have for yourself. <a href=\"https:\/\/blog.mindvalley.com\/self-love-techniques\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">Self-love<\/a> is an effective remedy for giving yourself the love you may require from others.<\/p>\n<figure class=\"wp-block-image size-full\"><img decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\" width=\"1200\" height=\"900\" src=\"https:\/\/storage.googleapis.com\/mv-prod-blog-en-assets\/2023\/01\/ee70091e-people-pleaser-dsc_0964-karen-harms.jpg\" alt=\"Vishen on people pleasing\" class=\"wp-image-66085\" srcset=\"https:\/\/storage.googleapis.com\/mv-prod-blog-en-assets\/2023\/01\/ee70091e-people-pleaser-dsc_0964-karen-harms.jpg 1200w, https:\/\/storage.googleapis.com\/mv-prod-blog-en-assets\/2023\/01\/ee70091e-people-pleaser-dsc_0964-karen-harms-768x576.jpg 768w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 1200px) 100vw, 1200px\"\/><figcaption class=\"wp-element-caption\">Vishen, founder of Mindvalley<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n<h2 id=\"h-discover-the-next-level-you\">Discover the Next Level You<\/h2>\n<p>Meeting yourself first is a great way to start the life you\u2019ve always dreamed about. And letting go of people, situations, and behaviors that no longer serve you is the way to go.<\/p>\n<p>If you need some guidance along the way, Mindvalley can help you step into your greatness. You can join a variety of transformational programs, such as the <strong><em>10 Questions for Self-Love <\/em><\/strong>Quest<em> <\/em>by Kristina, or listen to engaging, live conversations like her Honest Conversations.<\/p>\n<p>Additionally, by <a href=\"https:\/\/www.mindvalley.com\/signup\/?utm_source=blog_inline_link&amp;utm_campaign=evergreen_freemium&amp;utm_medium=end_of_article&amp;otag=mv_blog_freemium\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\"><strong>unlocking your free access<\/strong><\/a>, you get the chance to sample classes from these quests and many others. And when you find yourself going through challenging moments, you can take a deep breath, connect to yourself, and listen to one of the guided meditations Mindvalley has in store for you.<\/p>\n<p>You can meet your great life by connecting to yourself first. Don\u2019t be afraid to take the first step.\u00a0<\/p>\n<p>Welcome in.<\/p>\n<\/p><\/div>\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/hop.clickbank.net\/?affiliate=infohatch&amp;vendor=J1R2C\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"size-full wp-image-10614 aligncenter\" src=\"http:\/\/parmaks.com\/Resources\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/profit-gen400px.png\" alt=\"Profit Gen\" width=\"400\" height=\"217\" srcset=\"https:\/\/parmaks.com\/Resources\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/profit-gen400px.png 400w, https:\/\/parmaks.com\/Resources\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/profit-gen400px-300x163.png 300w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 400px) 100vw, 400px\" \/><\/a><br \/><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>We all know there\u2019s a fine line between being generous and being a people pleaser. And maybe, a few of us have even struggled with [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":699,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[16],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-698","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-happiness"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/parmaks.com\/Resources\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/698","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/parmaks.com\/Resources\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/parmaks.com\/Resources\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/parmaks.com\/Resources\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/parmaks.com\/Resources\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=698"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/parmaks.com\/Resources\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/698\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/parmaks.com\/Resources\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/699"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/parmaks.com\/Resources\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=698"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/parmaks.com\/Resources\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=698"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/parmaks.com\/Resources\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=698"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}