{"id":7425,"date":"2024-05-07T02:34:22","date_gmt":"2024-05-07T06:34:22","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/parmaks.com\/Resources\/dan-savage-explains-monogamish-relationships\/"},"modified":"2024-05-07T02:34:22","modified_gmt":"2024-05-07T06:34:22","slug":"dan-savage-explains-monogamish-relationships","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/parmaks.com\/Resources\/dan-savage-explains-monogamish-relationships\/","title":{"rendered":"Dan Savage Explains Monogamish Relationships"},"content":{"rendered":"<p> <a href=\"https:\/\/hop.clickbank.net\/?affiliate=infohatch&amp;vendor=J1R2C\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"size-full wp-image-10614 aligncenter\" src=\"http:\/\/parmaks.com\/Resources\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/profit-gen400px.png\" alt=\"Profit Gen\" width=\"400\" height=\"217\" srcset=\"https:\/\/parmaks.com\/Resources\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/profit-gen400px.png 400w, https:\/\/parmaks.com\/Resources\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/profit-gen400px-300x163.png 300w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 400px) 100vw, 400px\" \/><\/a><br \/>\n<\/p>\n<div>\n<p>\u201cMonogamish\u201d might sound like a typo at first glance, a quirky misspelling of \u201cmonogamous.\u201d But the term, coined by sex advice columnist and relationship expert <strong>Dan Savage<\/strong>, offers a distinct twist on the traditional mode.<\/p>\n<p>While monogamy is more on complete emotional and physical exclusivity with your partner, a monogamish relationship allows for a bit more wiggle room.<\/p>\n<p>That\u2019s the beauty of it, though. It\u2019s the perfect blend of commitment and exploration, and it can offer a fresh take on intimacy for the modern couple.<\/p>\n<p>So if you\u2019re looking for a more modern approach to love or to reignite the flame in your relationship, monogamish might just be what you need.<\/p>\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-what-is-a-monogamish-relationship\">What Is a Monogamish Relationship?<\/h2>\n<p>The \u201cmonogomish\u201d definition is essentially monogamy with a little \u201c<em>-ish<\/em>\u201d to it. The meaning refers to a relationship that is mostly monogamous but allows for some level of sexual activity outside the partnership.<\/p>\n<p>What does <em>the<\/em> Dan Savage himself say about \u201cmonogamish\u201d? Using him and his husband as an example, here\u2019s how Dan puts it: \u201c<em>What monogamish kind of communicates<\/em> <em>is, you know, we are pair-bonded partners sexually into each other; we have a vibrant sexual relationship with each other, but we allow for attraction to others<\/em>.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Think of it as a spectrum. On one end sits traditional monogamy, with zero tolerance for emotional or physical intimacy outside the relationship. On the other end lies the vast openness of <a href=\"https:\/\/blog.mindvalley.com\/ethical-non-monogamy\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">ethical non-monogamy<\/a>, where multiple romantic partners are a possibility.<\/p>\n<p>And monogamish? It carves out a sweet spot in the middle that allows you the exclusivity with the openness to explore desires and fantasies. You could flirt, attend erotic events, or even consume sensual content together\u2014as long as it\u2019s consensual between you and your partner.<\/p>\n<p>Because that\u2019s the key, right? Communication. Especially with <a href=\"https:\/\/www.forbes.com\/advisor\/legal\/divorce\/divorce-statistics\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">60% of couples citing infidelity as the reason for divorce<\/a>, ensuring you both know what\u2019s okay and what\u2019s not okay can be the thing that makes or breaks your relationship.<\/p>\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-monogamish-vs-open-relationship\">Monogamish vs. Open Relationship<\/h2>\n<p>Both <a href=\"https:\/\/blog.mindvalley.com\/love-styles-quiz\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">love styles<\/a> share a desire to move beyond the exclusivity of traditional monogamy. But it begs the question: What does it mean to be in a monogamish relationship versus an open one?<\/p>\n<p>With the former, there are occasional exceptions where you or your partner would be able to explore intimacy externally.<\/p>\n<p>It\u2019s like that one episode of <em>Friends<\/em> where Joey finds out that his father has been seeing a woman who\u2019s not Mrs. Tribbiani. It turns out, Mrs. Tribbiani knows about the affair but is okay with it as long as he\u2019s still giving her the love and attention she desires. This is monogamish in a nutshell.<\/p>\n<p>An open relationship, on the other hand, focuses less on exclusivity. Instead, there\u2019s more freedom for you or your partner to pursue other romantic and sexual relationships\u2014this is usually under the agreement that it\u2019s consensual non-monogamy (CNM).\u00a0<\/p>\n<p>King Louis XIV of France in Canal+\u2019s <em>Versailles<\/em>, for instance, is a perfect example. He has multiple romances going on at one time, as does his wife, Marie-Th\u00e9r\u00e8se of Spain.<\/p>\n<p>Regardless of whether you\u2019re more open to one or the other, the bottom line is, knowing the differences between the two can help you determine what you and your partner are comfortable with relationship-wise.<\/p>\n<div class=\"wp-block-image\">\n<figure class=\"aligncenter size-full\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"1456\" height=\"816\" alt=\"A loving couple looking at each other\" class=\"wp-image-71974\" srcset=\"https:\/\/storage.googleapis.com\/mv-prod-blog-en-assets\/2024\/05\/a664726f-monogamy-mindvalley-blog-01-midjourney-seo-team.webp 1456w, https:\/\/storage.googleapis.com\/mv-prod-blog-en-assets\/2024\/05\/a664726f-monogamy-mindvalley-blog-01-midjourney-seo-team-768x430.webp 768w\" data-lazy-sizes=\"(max-width: 1456px) 100vw, 1456px\" src=\"https:\/\/storage.googleapis.com\/mv-prod-blog-en-assets\/2024\/05\/a664726f-monogamy-mindvalley-blog-01-midjourney-seo-team.webp\"\/><noscript><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"1456\" height=\"816\" src=\"https:\/\/storage.googleapis.com\/mv-prod-blog-en-assets\/2024\/05\/a664726f-monogamy-mindvalley-blog-01-midjourney-seo-team.webp\" alt=\"A loving couple looking at each other\" class=\"wp-image-71974\" srcset=\"https:\/\/storage.googleapis.com\/mv-prod-blog-en-assets\/2024\/05\/a664726f-monogamy-mindvalley-blog-01-midjourney-seo-team.webp 1456w, https:\/\/storage.googleapis.com\/mv-prod-blog-en-assets\/2024\/05\/a664726f-monogamy-mindvalley-blog-01-midjourney-seo-team-768x430.webp 768w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 1456px) 100vw, 1456px\"\/><\/noscript><\/figure>\n<\/div>\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-5-expert-backed-tips-for-making-monogamish-work\">5 Expert-Backed Tips for Making Monogamish Work<\/h2>\n<p>This relationship style can be an eye-opening experience. However, it\u2019s not without its complexity.<\/p>\n<p>So how can you make it work? Here are a few monogamish <a href=\"https:\/\/blog.mindvalley.com\/relationship-hacks-jon-missy-butcher\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">relationship hacks<\/a> you can keep in mind:<\/p>\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-1-use-the-ggg\">1. Use the GGG<\/h3>\n<p>GGG is another of Dan\u2019s infamous terms, and it stands for \u201cgood, giving, and game.\u201d\u00a0<\/p>\n<p>\u201c<em>It is what I think we should be for our lovers<\/em>,\u201d he explains during a <a href=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/watch?v=brZIb4MG8oA\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">stage talk<\/a> at Mindvalley\u2019s A-Fest 2017 in Ibiza. \u201c<em>And what we have a right to expect our lovers to be for us<\/em>.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>The concept suggests you should be\u2026<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>Good in bed,<\/li>\n<li>Give equal time and pleasure to your partner, and<\/li>\n<li>Game for anything (within reason).<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>Being GGG means actively caring for your partner\u2019s sexual satisfaction and respecting your agreed-upon boundaries<\/p>\n<p>Think of it as a team effort. You\u2019re working together to keep the spark alive in your monogamish relationship. And even though some outside experiences might be allowed, the focus is still on keeping your relationship strong and fulfilling for both of you.<\/p>\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-2-know-the-price-of-admission\">2. Know the \u201cprice of admission\u201d<\/h3>\n<p>Picture this: You pay for a thrilling roller coaster ride. While you\u2019re on it, you complain the whole time about the price.\u00a0<\/p>\n<p>It\u2019s the same in relationships, according to Dan. There will be things you have to accept about your partner, a kind of \u201cprice of admission\u201d for being with them.<\/p>\n<p>\u201c<em>You\u2019re not going to get everything you want<\/em>,\u201d he says. But you gain the joy of being with \u201cThe One.\u201d\u00a0<\/p>\n<p>For example, maybe your partner leaves dirty dishes around. Initially, you might nag them to clean up. But eventually, you might decide it\u2019s a small price to pay for a happy relationship.<\/p>\n<p>It\u2019s a compromise, so to speak. As Dan points out, \u201c<em>You have to decide for yourself: \u2018Is that a price submission I\u2019m willing to pay to be in this relationship?\u2019<\/em>\u201d<\/p>\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-3-use-the-four-magic-words\">3. Use the four magic words<\/h3>\n<p>It\u2019s no secret that healthy relationships rely on open communication. <a href=\"https:\/\/www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov\/pmc\/articles\/PMC4852543\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">Research<\/a> shows that good communication can lead to more satisfaction, and high satisfaction can lead to better communication.<\/p>\n<p>This is especially important when it comes to intimacy. So what does Dan suggest? Using the four magic words: <strong><em>What are you into?<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n<p>This approach is part of what <strong>Neelam Verma<\/strong>, a conscious dating expert and trainer of Mindvalley\u2019s <em>Finding Love with Integrity Dating<\/em> Quest, calls \u201cconscious conversations.\u201d\u00a0<\/p>\n<p>\u201c<em>It\u2019s when you speak from a place of honesty, authenticity, transparency, and intentionality<\/em>,\u201d she explains. \u201c<em>You don\u2019t communicate from a place of fear, judgment, scarcity, or assumptions<\/em>.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>By expressing your needs and listening openly to your partner\u2019s, you can build trust and understanding. This fosters a healthy foundation for intimacy and prevents the formation of <a href=\"https:\/\/blog.mindvalley.com\/trauma-bond\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">trauma bonds<\/a>, which can arise from secrecy, manipulation, or unmet needs.<\/p>\n<p>So, four words: <em>What are you into?<\/em> Simple. Straightforward. Powerful.<\/p>\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-4-step-away-from-toxic-energy\">4. Step away from toxic energy<\/h3>\n<p>\u201c<em>Energy is powerful, and it gets entangled with those that we emotionally and physically connect with<\/em>,\u201d says Neelam. And when it comes to monogamish settings, you tend to get entangled with more than your partner, which means you\u2019re more open to all kinds of energy, even toxic ones.<\/p>\n<p>\u201c<em>When you\u2019re surrounded by unhealthy relationships and situations, you drain yourself of your life force, your energy<\/em>,\u201d adds the founder of Integrity Dating. That\u2019s why she highly recommends breaking up with toxic energy, removing harmful influences and behaviors that disrupt the harmony of your relationship.<\/p>\n<p>This could involve setting boundaries with external partners who threaten the primary relationship\u2019s stability. It also means avoiding <a href=\"https:\/\/blog.mindvalley.com\/how-to-respond-to-gaslighting\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">gaslighting<\/a>, jealousy, or possessiveness.<\/p>\n<p>This practice helps maintain a healthy emotional environment where both you and your partner feel secure and supported, no matter what external activities may be going on.<\/p>\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-5-be-the-love-of-your-life\">5. Be the love of your life<\/h3>\n<p>\u201c<em>We all desire love and a partner who accepts us for who we are, and we know that relationships are about unconditional love<\/em>,\u201d Neelam points out. \u201c<em>But many of us have never learned that it\u2019s about unconditional love for ourselves first<\/em>.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Look at it this way: You can\u2019t truly give love unless you have a full cup to pour from. By <a href=\"https:\/\/blog.mindvalley.com\/self-love-techniques\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">prioritizing self-love<\/a>, you fill your cup with happiness, worthiness, and strong boundaries. You radiate confidence and self-respect.<\/p>\n<p>This releases the pressure of looking for someone to make you happy. And dating? It becomes a place where two souls are connecting, growing, and evolving together instead of completing each other.<\/p>\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-how-do-i-know-if-a-monogamish-relationship-is-right-for-me\">How Do I Know If a Monogamish Relationship Is Right for Me?<\/h2>\n<p>There\u2019s a unique blend of emotional intimacy and exploration when you\u2019re monogamish. But is it the right fit for you?<\/p>\n<p>Here are some questions to consider:<\/p>\n<ol>\n<li>Do you value emotional exclusivity?<\/li>\n<li>Are you curious about exploring desires outside of the relationship?<\/li>\n<li>Can you openly communicate boundaries?<\/li>\n<li>Are you comfortable navigating potential jealousy?<\/li>\n<li>Are you willing to put in the effort?<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n<p>Take time to answer these questions honestly. It\u2019ll help you determine if this relationship style aligns with your values and desires.<\/p>\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-faq\">FAQ<\/h2>\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-is-monogamish-the-same-as-polyamory\">Is monogamish the same as polyamory?<\/h3>\n<p>While both share some openness, there\u2019s a key difference:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li><strong>Monogamish <\/strong>prioritizes a primary partner but allows explorations outside the relationship with clear boundaries and open communication. The emotional connection remains primarily with your main squeeze.<\/li>\n<li><strong>Polyamory<\/strong> involves having multiple romantic relationships, all with the knowledge and consent of everyone involved. Love and emotional intimacy can be shared with several partners.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>Ultimately, the choice between the two depends on what your <a href=\"https:\/\/blog.mindvalley.com\/relationship-goals\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">relationship goals<\/a> are.<\/p>\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-how-can-i-deal-with-jealousy-in-a-monogamish-relationship\">How can I deal with jealousy in a monogamish relationship?<\/h3>\n<p>Jealousy is bound to strike up in any kind of relationship, including monogamish ones. After all, we\u2019re only humans.<\/p>\n<p>Handling this kind of reactive emotion begins with knowing yourself and talking openly. When you feel jealous, notice those feelings and talk to your partner calmly. Avoid blaming them.<\/p>\n<p>By sharing how you honestly feel, you can both understand each other better and find comfort. Also, agreeing on rules that make both of you feel safe can help keep that green monster in check.<\/p>\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-how-do-i-communicate-about-boundaries-in-a-monogamish-relationship\">How do I communicate about boundaries in a monogamish relationship?<\/h3>\n<p>Boundaries are not meant to restrict or control. It\u2019s there to help create a safe and enjoyable space for exploration within your committed relationship.<\/p>\n<p>Here\u2019s how you can express yours:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li><strong>Use \u201cI\u201d statements<\/strong> to express your needs and feelings. For example, \u201c<em>I feel uncomfortable when\u2026<\/em>\u201d That\u2019s way more constructive than \u201c<em>You shouldn\u2019t be\u2026<\/em>\u201d<\/li>\n<li><strong>Listen actively<\/strong> to your partner\u2019s perspective. Acknowledge their feelings and concerns without judgment.<\/li>\n<li><strong>Be open and honest<\/strong> about what kind of exploration feels comfortable for both of you. This could include types of activities, frequency, and communication preferences.<\/li>\n<li><strong>Renegotiate your needs and desires<\/strong>, which may evolve over time, and make adjustments as needed through open and honest communication.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>Remember: By communicating openly and respectfully, you can establish clear boundaries that work for both of you.<\/p>\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-love-deeper-connect-stronger\">Love Deeper, Connect Stronger<\/h2>\n<p>Love is a great purpose to have in life. However, as Neelam Verma points out, \u201c<em>We can only love each other to the extent that we love ourselves<\/em>.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>That\u2019s the basis of her Quest, <strong><em>Finding Love with Integrity Dating<\/em><\/strong>, at Mindvalley. It goes beyond swiping and superficiality; instead, it guides you to build confidence and attract amazing partners, discover your true desires and stop settling, and learn to communicate for deeper connections.<\/p>\n<p>That\u2019s exactly what <a href=\"https:\/\/stories.mindvalley.com\/show\/finding-love-with-integrity-dating\/it-feels-good-to-be-supported-and-positively-visualize-and-affirm-the-presence-of-a-partner-with-integrity\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">Matthew Cook<\/a>, a content web developer from Mullumbimby, Australia, learned:<\/p>\n<p>\u201c<em>Having experienced considerable periods of being single because of the lack of availability of someone with the right values and lifestyle choices and being put down for choosing integrity. It feels good to be supported and positively visualize and affirm the presence of a partner with integrity<\/em>.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>When you <strong>sign up for a free Mindvalley account<\/strong>, you can access the first few lessons of Neelam\u2019s Quest.<\/p>\n<p>It\u2019ll be the start of a beautiful journey. And it\u2019s going to be worth it.<\/p>\n<p>Welcome in.<\/p>\n<\/p><\/div>\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/hop.clickbank.net\/?affiliate=infohatch&amp;vendor=J1R2C\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"size-full wp-image-10614 aligncenter\" src=\"http:\/\/parmaks.com\/Resources\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/profit-gen400px.png\" alt=\"Profit Gen\" width=\"400\" height=\"217\" srcset=\"https:\/\/parmaks.com\/Resources\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/profit-gen400px.png 400w, https:\/\/parmaks.com\/Resources\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/profit-gen400px-300x163.png 300w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 400px) 100vw, 400px\" \/><\/a><br \/><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>\u201cMonogamish\u201d might sound like a typo at first glance, a quirky misspelling of \u201cmonogamous.\u201d But the term, coined by sex advice columnist and relationship expert [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":7426,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[16],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-7425","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-happiness"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/parmaks.com\/Resources\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7425","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/parmaks.com\/Resources\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/parmaks.com\/Resources\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/parmaks.com\/Resources\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/parmaks.com\/Resources\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=7425"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/parmaks.com\/Resources\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7425\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/parmaks.com\/Resources\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/7426"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/parmaks.com\/Resources\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=7425"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/parmaks.com\/Resources\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=7425"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/parmaks.com\/Resources\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=7425"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}