{"id":7585,"date":"2024-05-21T03:08:18","date_gmt":"2024-05-21T07:08:18","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/parmaks.com\/Resources\/signs-how-to-fix-it\/"},"modified":"2024-05-21T03:08:18","modified_gmt":"2024-05-21T07:08:18","slug":"signs-how-to-fix-it","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/parmaks.com\/Resources\/signs-how-to-fix-it\/","title":{"rendered":"Signs & How to Fix It"},"content":{"rendered":"

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There are some of us who crave a love connection. But the second it gets a little too real for our comfort, we run for the hills. Then, we do it all again with the next person.<\/p>\n

The cycle is real\u2014and it\u2019s called fearful-avoidant attachment.<\/p>\n

The thing is, it\u2019s a lot more common than many of us realize. And if you\u2019ve found yourself defaulting to this attachment style, understanding the what, why, and how can be the key to healthier, happier relationships.<\/p>\n

What Is a Fearful-Avoidant Attachment Style?<\/h2>\n

A fearful-avoidant attachment style is one of the four attachment styles that describes those who show inconsistent behaviors and have trust issues. Relationship-wise, it\u2019s when you yearn for intimacy but are also wary of getting hurt. This push-pull tendency can lead to unpredictable and often tumultuous partnerships.<\/p>\n

It\u2019s a lot like Will Hunting from Good Will Hunting<\/em>. Or Carrie Bradshaw from Sex and the City<\/em>. Both crave connection and affection, but they sabotage their relationships by pushing Skylar and Mr. Big, respectively, away.<\/p>\n

This internal conflict between desire and fear can be a real head-scratcher. But it highlights a core struggle for many of us: balancing intimacy with self-preservation.\u00a0<\/p>\n

What causes it?<\/h3>\n

According to psychologist John Bowlby\u2019s attachment theory<\/a>, a fearful-avoidant attachment style (also referred to as disorganized) is one of the four adult attachment styles\u2014the other three being anxious, avoidant, and secure.<\/p>\n

This particular commitment-phobic one stems from childhood with inconsistent caregiving. It\u2019s likely that emotional needs were sometimes met and other times ignored or met with fear-inducing responses.<\/p>\n

The fact of the matter is, research<\/a> shows that children who experience abuse, neglect, or unpredictable caregiving are more likely to develop a fearful-avoidant attachment style. And what it teaches is that relationships are inherently unsafe.<\/p>\n

As you transition into adulthood, you may distrust relationships, believing that your partner will inevitably hurt or abandon you. So what are you likely to do? Keep people at a distance.<\/p>\n

What\u2019s more, if you have relationships that mirror your childhood experiences of unpredictability and fear, it can just reinforce these insecure attachment patterns. And despite hoping and wishing for that \u201chappily ever after\u201d kind of love, you may subconsciously sabotage your chances of forming any sort of stable and healthy bond.<\/p>\n

So whether you see yourself in Will\u2019s struggle to accept love or Carrie\u2019s fear of commitment, there are always ways to transform how you relate to others. And this can pave the way for more fulfilling and secure relationships.<\/p>\n

10 Signs of Fearful-Avoidant Attachment\u00a0<\/h2>\n

Recognizing the signs of any patterns is always a healthy step toward breaking the cycle. The thing is, most of us feel victimized by the patterns that continuously show up, according to Katherine Woodward Thomas<\/strong>, the author of the best-seller Calling in The One<\/em> and trainer of the Mindvalley Quest of the same name.<\/p>\n

\u201cWhen you begin to see your own part clearly and how you, yourself, are almost setting other people up to play out these painful stories again and again<\/em>,\u201d she explains, \u201cyou finally access the choice to do it differently<\/em>.\u201d<\/p>\n

So to do so, here are fearful-avoidant attachment signs you\u2019ll want to look out for:<\/p>\n

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  1. Send mixed signals<\/strong> to your partner.<\/li>\n
  2. Fear of getting too close to others<\/strong>.<\/li>\n
  3. Emotional intimacy<\/strong> is a struggle, and you often keep your feelings hidden.<\/li>\n
  4. Actions can be unpredictable<\/strong>\u2014sometimes warm and loving, other times distant and cold.<\/li>\n
  5. Feel anxious<\/strong> about your relationships.<\/li>\n
  6. Difficulty trusting<\/strong> others.<\/li>\n
  7. Self-sabotage<\/strong><\/a>, such as picking fights or avoiding commitment.<\/li>\n
  8. Struggle with feelings of unworthiness and doubt<\/strong> your ability to be loved.<\/li>\n
  9. Have intense emotional reactions<\/strong> to perceived slights or threats in your relationships.<\/li>\n
  10. Ending relationships can be particularly painful and confusing<\/strong>, often leaving you feeling lost and devastated.<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

    Remember that these signs are adaptive responses to your early environment. While it may not be your responsibility how you were raised, you are responsible now, as an adult, to take this awareness, step away from self-abandonment<\/a>, and develop more secure attachment patterns.<\/p>\n

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