{"id":7877,"date":"2024-06-17T17:33:18","date_gmt":"2024-06-17T21:33:18","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/parmaks.com\/Resources\/4-highly-effective-ways-to-deal-with-negative-people\/"},"modified":"2024-06-17T17:33:18","modified_gmt":"2024-06-17T21:33:18","slug":"4-highly-effective-ways-to-deal-with-negative-people","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/parmaks.com\/Resources\/4-highly-effective-ways-to-deal-with-negative-people\/","title":{"rendered":"4 Highly Effective Ways to Deal With Negative People\u2028"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"Profit<\/a>
\n<\/p>\n

\n

My client Kristen was frustrated. She was running into a common problem that I hear about every day, and it\u2019s probably something you\u2019ve dealt with, too<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cCraig,\u201d she said, \u201cI try my best to hang around positive people and spend time with coaches and mentors, but there always seems to be a get-together with negative people who just want to argue about sports and politics. Worse, I have an in-law who just talks my ear off with gossip. What do I do?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Outside of joining a monastery, there\u2019s not much you can do to COMPLETELY avoid negativity. Every ETR reader is going to get in the odd conversation that brings us down. <\/span><\/p>\n

But there are ways to deal with people stuck in the complaint zone. In fact, it\u2019s imperative that you learn how to deal with them so that they don\u2019t derail your pursuit of big goals and dreams. That\u2019s why we have to cover it today. Fair warning, though: My advice will come in traditional Craig style\u2014politically incorrect and uncomfortably straightforward. (You know it\u2019s going to be a good article when I ran it past two of my colleagues and one of them loved it and the other said, \u201cWhat utter bollocks!\u201d).<\/span><\/p>\n

I\u2019ve thought about the predicament of \u201cdealing with negative people\u201d for hundreds of hours over the years because it\u2019s an issue I\u2019ve faced time and time again. It was an especially common problem when I was a young man trying to give up drinking and idle talk at the bar. <\/span><\/p>\n

Eventually, I created a four-approach system for dealing with negative people. <\/span><\/p>\n

To understand it, picture a four-quadrant diagram set on two axes. The vertical axis shows an increase in positivity, so the top quadrants offer more positive approaches to negativity. The horizontal axis shows an increase in engagement, with more \u201cengagement-heavy\u201d approaches to the right of the diagram.<\/span><\/p>\n

\"HowNow, let\u2019s break down each of the quadrants and what they mean.<\/p>\n

Bottom-Left Quadrant (negative, non-engaging)\u2014Exit, Stage Left<\/b><\/span><\/h3>\n

There\u2019s a great example of this in the movie \u201cRush Hour\u201d with Chris Tucker and Jackie Chan.<\/span><\/p>\n

After a tense scene, Tucker\u2019s character asks Chan\u2019s, \u201cHow do you stay so cool all the time?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cBecause I don\u2019t get into arguments with stupid people,\u201d Chan\u2019s character replies. \u201cI just cut it short and say, \u2018You are right\u2019.\u201d <\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cBut that\u2019s completely irrational and wrong.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cYou are right.\u201d <\/span><\/p>\n

Funny, huh? But it\u2019s also simple.<\/span><\/p>\n

So is the Exit, Stage Left approach: Just get up and leave. <\/span><\/p>\n

Unfortunately, this is rude. No one wins. <\/span><\/p>\n

However, sometimes it\u2019s worth using.<\/span><\/p>\n

For example, when I was a young man, I paid my way through college by working a factory job in the summers. On Friday nights, I\u2019d often find myself in a bar engaged in hopeless conversation with a well-meaning, but jaded factory \u201clifer.\u201d They complained about their lot in life. I couldn\u2019t fix those issues. And besides, there was a pretty girl on the dance floor. So, I\u2019d just get up and walk away.<\/span><\/p>\n

The chances of you being in this situation are slim. However, if you\u2019re engaged in conversation with someone who is incredibly nasty and negative, sometimes you have to resort to this method.<\/span><\/p>\n

If the negativity is overpowering, exit stage left.<\/span><\/p>\n

Top-Left Quadrant (positive, non-engaging)\u2014The Glazed Doughnut <\/b><\/span><\/h3>\n

If you\u2019ve ever watched \u201cThe Simpsons,\u201d you\u2019re familiar with Homer Simpson\u2019s tendency to let advice go in one ear and straight out the other. <\/span><\/p>\n

Picture yourself as a real-life, vacuous Homer.<\/span><\/p>\n

The next time you\u2019re forced to sit through a blathering idiot\u2019s rant, a holier-than-thou pontification about football, or a diatribe on the virtues of Boba Fet in \u201cStar Wars,\u201d just zone out. Sit there and daydream. Allow your eyes to glaze over and stare into space as your mind wanders and thinks of something else.<\/span><\/p>\n

It takes practice, but you can become very good at mentally organizing your day, making a grocery list, or coming up with content ideas for your email newsletter\u2014all while people think you\u2019re listening.<\/span><\/p>\n

This can backfire, of course. If people notice your Glazed Doughnut eyeballs and call you out on your Homer routine, it can be very embarrassing. In fact, I wouldn\u2019t recommend trying this with your partner at home! But in the right circumstances, and with the right amount of practice, you can turn futile and adolescent conversations into productive time.<\/span><\/p>\n

Bottom-Right Quadrant (negative, engaging)\u2014Drs. Freud and Phil<\/b><\/span><\/h3>\n

This method takes a lot of energy and can leave you exhausted. Imagine being Michael Clark Duncan\u2019s character in \u201cThe Green Mile,\u201d inhaling everyone else\u2019s pain and taking their suffering on your back.<\/span><\/p>\n

Here\u2019s how it goes: <\/span><\/p>\n

When someone comes to you to complain, instead of changing the subject or using the Glazed Doughnut approach, listen\u2014and encourage a rant.<\/span><\/p>\n

Lean in. Ask uncomfortable questions. Dig deep. Get to the bottom of it. Be a shoulder for them to cry on (if it gets to that point). Soak up all the negativity.<\/span><\/p>\n

If they are complaining, they clearly have a problem. And if they have a problem, they want a solution. And if they\u2019re sharing their problem with you, it\u2019s because they think you can help them find one. Maybe you can.<\/span><\/p>\n

Do your best Dr. Sigmund Freud (or Dr. Phil) impression and ask questions to encourage sharing. Immerse yourself in their pain.<\/span><\/p>\n

It\u2019s possible this will lead to a breakthrough. If so, you will know how to leverage the Dr. Freud approach again. <\/span><\/p>\n

Unfortunately, however, the odds of success are slim. If you fail to find a solution, you will know at least that this is one scenario were Dr. Freud is useless.<\/span><\/p>\n

Top-Right Quadrant (positive, engaging)\u2014Level Up <\/b><\/span><\/h3>\n

One of the best lessons I\u2019ve learned after being interviewed on over 185 podcasts is this:<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cThe quality of a conversation is directly proportional to the quality of the questions.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

If you are a good communicator, you can lead the conversation. You can ask the right questions that turn the discussion in a positive direction. Contrarily, if you ask the wrong questions, things can turn negative quickly.<\/span><\/p>\n

With the Level Up approach, lean in and push your complainer in a positive direction. That positivity will change the discourse and ultimately lead your \u201cnegative Nancy\u201d to find a solution themselves. <\/span><\/p>\n

This is your chance to make the best of a bad situation, so\u2026<\/span><\/p>\n