{"id":8175,"date":"2024-07-16T06:26:23","date_gmt":"2024-07-16T10:26:23","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/parmaks.com\/Resources\/regardless-of-circumstances-what-we-become-is-a-choice\/"},"modified":"2024-07-16T06:26:23","modified_gmt":"2024-07-16T10:26:23","slug":"regardless-of-circumstances-what-we-become-is-a-choice","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/parmaks.com\/Resources\/regardless-of-circumstances-what-we-become-is-a-choice\/","title":{"rendered":"Regardless of Circumstances, What We Become Is a Choice"},"content":{"rendered":"<p> <a href=\"https:\/\/hop.clickbank.net\/?affiliate=infohatch&amp;vendor=J1R2C\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"size-full wp-image-10614 aligncenter\" src=\"http:\/\/parmaks.com\/Resources\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/profit-gen400px.png\" alt=\"Profit Gen\" width=\"400\" height=\"217\" srcset=\"https:\/\/parmaks.com\/Resources\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/profit-gen400px.png 400w, https:\/\/parmaks.com\/Resources\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/profit-gen400px-300x163.png 300w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 400px) 100vw, 400px\" \/><\/a><br \/>\n<\/p>\n<div>\n<p><em>To My Readers: I\u2019m honored to republish, with permission, \u201c<\/em>Regardless of Circumstances, What We Become Is a Choice\u201d<em>\u00a0by Rodger Dean Duncan, which first appeared in the June 18, 2024, issue of\u00a0<\/em>Forbes<em>. Rodger is an international bestselling author, former senior Fortune 100 business executive, and member of two prior White House administrations. He interviewed me about how our choices determine what and who we become.<\/em><\/p>\n<p><em>\u00a0<\/em><em>\u2014 Frank Sonnenberg<\/em><\/p>\n<h3 style=\"text-align: center;\">Regardless of Circumstances, What We Become Is a Choice<\/h3>\n<p style=\"text-align: center;\">By Rodger Dean Duncan <em>Forbes<\/em> Columnist<\/p>\n<p>If you paid attention in your junior high biology class, you\u2019ll remember the lesson on the life cycle of butterflies.<\/p>\n<p>Your teacher likely showed you photos, and maybe even a time-lapse video, of the egg stage, the hatching, the emergence of the caterpillar, then the miraculous grand entrance of the beautiful butterfly.<\/p>\n<p>In many ways, that marvel of nature is an apt metaphor for our own development as human beings. We may not have literal wings, but through the gift of agency we have choice. And regardless of our circumstances our choices determine what and who we become.<\/p>\n<p>That\u2019s the thesis behind Frank Sonnenberg\u2019s new book <a href=\"https:\/\/www.amazon.com\/dp\/B0D64775GP\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\"><em>Become<\/em>: <em>Unleash the Power of Moral Character and Be Proud of the Life You Choose<\/em><\/a>.<em><u><a href=\"https:\/\/www.franksonnenbergonline.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/06\/standing_Become_3D-72.jpg\"><noscript><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"wp-image-10919 size-medium alignleft\" src=\"https:\/\/www.franksonnenbergonline.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/06\/standing_Become_3D-72-300x300.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"300\" height=\"300\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.franksonnenbergonline.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/06\/standing_Become_3D-72-300x300.jpg 300w, https:\/\/www.franksonnenbergonline.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/06\/standing_Become_3D-72-150x150.jpg 150w, https:\/\/www.franksonnenbergonline.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/06\/standing_Become_3D-72-768x768.jpg 768w, https:\/\/www.franksonnenbergonline.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/06\/standing_Become_3D-72-640x640.jpg 640w, https:\/\/www.franksonnenbergonline.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/06\/standing_Become_3D-72.jpg 792w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 300px) 100vw, 300px\"\/><\/noscript><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"lazyload wp-image-10919 size-medium alignleft\" src=\"https:\/\/www.franksonnenbergonline.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/06\/standing_Become_3D-72-300x300.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"300\" height=\"300\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.franksonnenbergonline.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/06\/standing_Become_3D-72-300x300.jpg 300w, https:\/\/www.franksonnenbergonline.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/06\/standing_Become_3D-72-150x150.jpg 150w, https:\/\/www.franksonnenbergonline.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/06\/standing_Become_3D-72-768x768.jpg 768w, https:\/\/www.franksonnenbergonline.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/06\/standing_Become_3D-72-640x640.jpg 640w, https:\/\/www.franksonnenbergonline.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/06\/standing_Become_3D-72.jpg 792w\" data-sizes=\"(max-width: 300px) 100vw, 300px\"\/><\/a><\/u><\/em><\/p>\n<p>Frank is an award-winning author and well-known advocate for moral character, values, and personal responsibility. He\u2019s written 11 books and has been named one of \u201cAmerican\u2019s Top 100 Thought Leaders.\u201d He\u2019s served on several boards and has consulted to some of the world\u2019s largest and most respected companies. His <a href=\"https:\/\/www.franksonnenbergonline.com\/blog\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">blog<\/a> has attracted millions of readers.<\/p>\n<p>If you\u2019re talking with someone with those kinds of credentials you likely have a lot of questions. Here are some of mine.<\/p>\n<p><strong>In today\u2019s society, simple civility seems to be in troubling short supply. How can a leader (of a family, a team, an organization, or even a nation) foster civility?<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>Frank offers 11 guideposts to consider:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li><span style=\"color: #ff6600;\"><strong>Never lower <em>your<\/em> personal standards. Never!<\/strong> <\/span>If <em>others<\/em> want to rant or be mean-spirited on social media, let them.<\/li>\n<li><span style=\"color: #ff6600;\"><strong>Seek the truth.<\/strong> <\/span>Search for the truth rather than subscribing to information that supports your existing beliefs.<\/li>\n<li><span style=\"color: #ff6600;\"><strong>Think for yourself.<\/strong> <\/span>While you may think that following the crowd is a safe bet, they may be leading you right off a cliff.<\/li>\n<li><span style=\"color: #ff6600;\"><strong>Be objective.<\/strong> <\/span>Encourage diverse viewpoints.<\/li>\n<li><span style=\"color: #ff6600;\"><strong>Encourage debate.<\/strong> <\/span>You don\u2019t win a debate by suppressing discussion, you win it with a better argument.<\/li>\n<li><span style=\"color: #ff6600;\"><strong>Judge ideas, not people.<\/strong> <\/span>Discuss differences openly, honestly, and respectfully. Focus on the <em>message<\/em>, not the <em>messenger<\/em>.<\/li>\n<li><span style=\"color: #ff6600;\"><strong>Remember, an opinion is not a fact.<\/strong><\/span><\/li>\n<li><span style=\"color: #ff6600;\"><strong> Don\u2019t just talk.<\/strong> <\/span>Some people don\u2019t communicate. They just take turns talking.<\/li>\n<li><span style=\"color: #ff6600;\"><strong>Try to find the merit in each other\u2019s arguments.<\/strong> <\/span>See their side of an argument before expecting them to see yours.<\/li>\n<li><span style=\"color: #ff6600;\"><strong>Identify areas of common agreement and mutual interest.<\/strong><\/span><\/li>\n<li><span style=\"color: #ff6600;\"><strong>Put yourself in each other\u2019s shoes.<\/strong> <\/span>Ask yourself whether you\u2019d be happy to trade places with them.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p><strong>What can leaders do to encourage team members to take personal responsibility for the quality of their work?<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>Frank suggests eight practices to keep in mind:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>Before holding someone accountable, clearly define the task, the rationale, and the timetable required to complete it. Otherwise, people are left guessing.<\/li>\n<li>Indicate how success will be measured or folks will define it for themselves.<\/li>\n<li>Instead of exercising <em>authority<\/em> and <em>control<\/em>, secure <em>commitment<\/em> by involving others in the decision-making process and obtaining mutually agreed-upon goals.<\/li>\n<li>Provide the resources required to get the job done right.<\/li>\n<li>Instead of micromanaging everything that people do, trust them to do what\u2019s right. Delegate authority not just tasks. And, let them choose how they\u2019ll achieve their goals.<\/li>\n<li>Remember what\u2019s important. As the famous clich\u00e9 says, \u201cWhat gets measured gets done.\u201d<\/li>\n<li>It\u2019s not enough to establish goals and objectives. <em>Progress<\/em> must be evaluated on a regular basis.<\/li>\n<li>If you want excellence, you must recognize and reward it. Period. People stop trying when there\u2019s no benefit for being exceptional and no consequence for being mediocre.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p><strong>Dependency, Frank says, is a trap that\u2019s easy to enter but hard to escape. How can people learn to be more self-sufficient?<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>\u201cThere\u2019s nothing wrong with seeking someone\u2019s advice, adopting someone\u2019s opinion, or accepting someone\u2019s help <em>occasionally,<\/em>\u201d Frank says. \u201cBut when you become overly dependent, you\u2019re relinquishing the ability to control your life. In short, when you use people as a crutch or ask for handouts that you don\u2019t earn, it strips you of your confidence, robs you of your dignity, and deprives you of the joy of living a meaningful life. If this sounds unappealing, remember that this way of living isn\u2019t imposed on you. <em>It\u2019s your choice<\/em>.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>He offers this introspective question: When all is said and done, who\u2019s more capable of satisfying your needs than you?<\/p>\n<p>\u201cIf you can\u2019t depend on yourself, what does that portend about your future? As the saying goes, \u2018Don\u2019t put the key to your happiness in someone else\u2019s pocket.\u2019 Grab hold of it rather than relinquishing that responsibility to others. After all, you have to live with yourself for the rest of your life.\u201d<\/p>\n<p><strong>The so-called \u201ctoxic workplace\u201d comes in many forms. What are the telltale signs of such an environment?<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>\u201cSome people are toxic,\u201d he says. \u201cThey\u2019re selfish, rude, intolerant, self-centered, close-minded, judgmental, lazy, envious \u2014 and the list goes on. In their world of \u2018anything goes,\u2019 they say and do things without any regard for the damage they\u2019re leaving in their wake.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>What\u2019s Frank\u2019s advice for people who feel stuck in such a workplace?<\/p>\n<p>Embrace the fact that you cannot control how others behave, but you can control your response to them.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cBe the person others look up to \u2014 whose character is beyond reproach,\u201d he says. \u201cBe the person who lives with honor and integrity, commands everyone\u2019s respect, and makes decisions based on what\u2019s right rather than what\u2019s convenient. It won\u2019t always be popular. It won\u2019t always be easy, but you can take great pride in knowing that you\u2019re setting the standard for excellence. At the end of the day, if you\u2019re not proud of who you are and the way you choose to live your life, little else matters.\u201d<\/p>\n<p><strong>How can people proactively navigate their daily lives so they\u2019re more likely to be happy?<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>Here are some questions worth asking yourself: Do you look on the bright side or harp on the problems, see the good in people or nitpick their faults, envision the possibilities or fear the dangers?<\/p>\n<p>Frank recommends taking this challenge.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cFor the next week, there will be no complaining, no worrying, no judgment, no jealousy, and no self-defeating thoughts,\u201d he says. \u201cThat means that you must be optimistic, see the good in everything, and be a positive influence in other people\u2019s lives.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>He knows that seems like a big ask, but he believes you can do it.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cThink how much happier you\u2019ll be if you choose to be positive, see the silver lining, and appreciate all the wonderful things in your life,\u201d he says. \u201cWhen you see the good in the world, make people feel special, and serve as a positive influence, your soul will smile.\u201d<\/p>\n<p><strong>A final question:\u00a0 With only one shot at life, how can you find and create meaning?<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>\u201cWe\u2019re sometimes so busy running on a treadmill to nowhere that we lose focus of the things that really matter,\u201d Frank says. \u201cBefore you know it, the seconds become minutes, the days become weeks, and the months become years.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>When you look back on your life, he asks, \u201cwill you gauge success by the power that you attained and the wealth that you accumulated? Or will you measure the degree to which your life was rich in character and purpose? Will it matter that you led an honorable existence, made a difference in people\u2019s lives, and left the world a better place for your children? The truth is that a meaningful life isn\u2019t measured by what you accumulate, but by what you give to others.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Parents give you life, Frank says. \u201cOnly you can give it meaning.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Check out Frank\u2019s new book,\u00a0<a href=\"https:\/\/www.amazon.com\/dp\/B0D64775GP\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\"><em>BECOME<\/em>: <em>Unleash the Power of Moral Character and Be Proud of the Life You Choose<\/em>.<\/a><\/p>\n<p><b>Please leave a\u00a0<a href=\"https:\/\/www.franksonnenbergonline.com\/blog\/regardless-of-circumstances-what-we-become-is-a-choice\/#respond\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">comment<\/a>\u00a0and tell us what you think or\u00a0share it with someone who can benefit from the information.<\/b><\/p>\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/www.franksonnenbergonline.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/07\/rodger-duncan.png\"><noscript><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"size-full wp-image-10557 alignleft\" src=\"https:\/\/www.franksonnenbergonline.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/07\/rodger-duncan.png\" alt=\"\" width=\"156\" height=\"140\"\/><\/noscript><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"lazyload size-full wp-image-10557 alignleft\" src=\"https:\/\/www.franksonnenbergonline.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/07\/rodger-duncan.png\" alt=\"\" width=\"156\" height=\"140\"\/><\/a>Dr. Rodger Dean Duncan is the award-winning, bestselling author of <em><a href=\"https:\/\/www.duncanworldwide.com\/book\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">CHANGE-friendly LEADERSHIP: How to Transform Good Intentions into Great Performance<\/a>. <\/em>He\u2019s a regular contributor to Forbes.com, a platform that reaches 75 million readers each month.<\/p>\n<p>Additional Reading:<br \/><a href=\"https:\/\/www.amazon.com\/dp\/B0C6VZ65HY\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">Leadership by Example: Be a Role Model Who Inspires Greatness in Others<\/a><br \/><a href=\"https:\/\/www.amazon.com\/Path-Meaningful-Life-Frank-Sonnenberg\/dp\/B0B37YV8TW\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">The Path to a Meaningful Life<\/a><br \/><a href=\"https:\/\/www.amazon.com\/Listen-Your-Conscience-Thats-Have-ebook\/dp\/B08GCPTD36\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">Listen to Your Conscience. That\u2019s Why You Have One<\/a><br \/><a href=\"https:\/\/www.amazon.com\/Soul-Food-Change-Your-Thinking\/dp\/1726290506\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">Soul Food: Change Your Thinking, Change Your Life<\/a><br \/><a href=\"https:\/\/www.amazon.com\/BookSmart-Hundreds-real-world-lessons-happiness\/dp\/1535233389\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">BookSmart: Hundreds of Real-World Lessons for Success and Happiness<\/a><br \/><a href=\"https:\/\/www.amazon.com\/Follow-Your-Conscience-Difference-Others-ebook\/dp\/B00O4IWYFS\/ref\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">Follow Your Conscience: Make a Difference in Your Life &amp; in the Lives of Others<\/a><br \/><a href=\"https:\/\/www.amazon.com\/Managing-Conscience-Performance-Integrity-Commitment\/dp\/1466461020\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">Managing with a Conscience: How to Improve Performance Through Integrity, Trust, and Commitment<\/a> (2nd edition)<\/p>\n<p><span style=\"color: #808080;\">If you like this article, subscribe to our blog so that you don\u2019t miss a single post. 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It\u2019s FREE.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><strong>Follow me:<\/strong><br \/><a href=\"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/FrankSonnenbergOnline\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">Facebook<\/a><br \/><a href=\"https:\/\/www.linkedin.com\/in\/franksonnenberg\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">LinkedIn<\/a><br \/><a href=\"https:\/\/twitter.com\/FSonnenberg\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">X<\/a>\u00a0(Formerly Twitter)<br \/><a href=\"https:\/\/www.pinterest.com\/franksonnenberg\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">Pinterest\u00a0<\/a>and<br \/><a href=\"https:\/\/www.instagram.com\/franksonnenbergonline\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">Instagram<\/a><\/p>\n<\/div>\n<p><script async src=\"\/\/platform.twitter.com\/widgets.js\" charset=\"utf-8\"><\/script><script async defer src=\"https:\/\/platform.instagram.com\/en_US\/embeds.js\"><\/script><br \/>\n<br \/><a href=\"https:\/\/hop.clickbank.net\/?affiliate=infohatch&amp;vendor=J1R2C\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"size-full wp-image-10614 aligncenter\" src=\"http:\/\/parmaks.com\/Resources\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/profit-gen400px.png\" alt=\"Profit Gen\" width=\"400\" height=\"217\" srcset=\"https:\/\/parmaks.com\/Resources\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/profit-gen400px.png 400w, https:\/\/parmaks.com\/Resources\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/profit-gen400px-300x163.png 300w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 400px) 100vw, 400px\" \/><\/a><br \/><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>To My Readers: I\u2019m honored to republish, with permission, \u201cRegardless of Circumstances, What We Become Is a Choice\u201d\u00a0by Rodger Dean Duncan, which first appeared in [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":8176,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[17],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-8175","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-relationships"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/parmaks.com\/Resources\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/8175","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/parmaks.com\/Resources\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/parmaks.com\/Resources\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/parmaks.com\/Resources\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/parmaks.com\/Resources\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=8175"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/parmaks.com\/Resources\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/8175\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/parmaks.com\/Resources\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/8176"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/parmaks.com\/Resources\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=8175"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/parmaks.com\/Resources\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=8175"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/parmaks.com\/Resources\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=8175"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}