{"id":9840,"date":"2025-01-14T14:19:03","date_gmt":"2025-01-14T18:19:03","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/parmaks.com\/Resources\/my-first-book-in-7-years-and-some-big-experiments\/"},"modified":"2025-01-14T14:19:03","modified_gmt":"2025-01-14T18:19:03","slug":"my-first-book-in-7-years-and-some-big-experiments","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/parmaks.com\/Resources\/my-first-book-in-7-years-and-some-big-experiments\/","title":{"rendered":"MY FIRST BOOK IN 7 YEARS (AND SOME BIG EXPERIMENTS)"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"Profit<\/a>
\n<\/p>\n

\n

\u201cMy tardiness in answering your letter was not due to press of business. Do not listen to that sort of excuse; I am at liberty, and so is anyone else who wishes to be at liberty. No man is at the mercy of affairs. He gets entangled in them of his own accord, and then flatters himself that being busy is a proof of happiness.\u201d<\/em><\/strong>
\u2014 Seneca<\/p>\n

\u201cI was always ashamed to take. So I gave. It was not a virtue. It was a disguise.\u201d
<\/em><\/strong>\u2014 Ana\u00efs Nin<\/p>\n

For me, 2025 will be a year of shipping new things. There\u2019s lots in the hopper.<\/p>\n

Today, I\u2019m pleased to announce my first book in more than seven years.<\/p>\n

It\u2019s been in the works for a long time and is currently 500+ pages. This time around, I\u2019ll be doing things very differently.<\/p>\n

The book, tentatively titled THE NO BOOK<\/em><\/strong>, is a blueprint for how to get everything you want by saying no to everything you don\u2019t. Don\u2019t let the title mislead you; it\u2019s probably the most life-affirming book I\u2019ve ever written.<\/p>\n

It details the exact strategies, philosophies, word-for-word scripts, tech, and more that I and others use to create focus, calm, and meaning in a world of overwhelming noise. <\/p>\n

THE NO BOOK<\/em> contains all of the best tricks and tools that I\u2019ve collected over the last 15 years, in addition to those of world-class performers. Lots of my friends make cameos, and I\u2019m sharing details that I\u2019ve kept closely guarded until now. If you\u2019ve wanted to know how my life and business work with only three full-time employees, this will show you.<\/p>\n

What else is different about this book?<\/p>\n

\u2013 Though I drafted the bones years ago, I brought in a close friend as a co-writer and co-experimenter. This is my first time ever collaborating on a book, and it\u2019s been an amazing and hilarious adventure. I\u2019m thrilled with the results, and I\u2019ve never seen anything quite like it.<\/p>\n

\u2013 Unlike my last five books, we\u2019re going to first release this one serially, one chapter or a handful of chapters at a time.<\/p>\n

\u2013 We will also create a community for early readers, who will be able to read and experiment together, support one another, and provide us with feedback on the book. We want people to change their lives with this book, and for that, reading isn\u2019t enough. It must be applied, and we feel that the community, combined with serial release, will help produce real action with real results.<\/p>\n

\u2013 The plan may change. In keeping with the theme of the book, if the community or serial release turn into more headache than fun, or more emergency brake than accelerator, we\u2019ll renegotiate and try something else.<\/p>\n

\u2013 To read THE NO BOOK<\/em> first and get other exclusives, you just need to subscribe to my free 5-Bullet Friday<\/em> newsletter<\/a>. That\u2019s where the magic will happen. It\u2019s easy to unsubscribe anytime.<\/p>\n

***<\/strong><\/p>\n

Now, I don\u2019t want to give too many spoilers, and the exact timeline will be announced soon, but I won\u2019t leave you without a sample. <\/p>\n

Two chapters are coming up tout de suite<\/em>.<\/p>\n

But first, what of that collaborator?<\/p>\n

Well, he made an appearance in The 4-Hour Body <\/em>when I force-fed him into gaining muscle, but he\u2019s better known as the ten-time New York Times<\/em> best-selling author of The Game<\/em>, The Dirt<\/em>, Emergency<\/em>, and others. He\u2019s written liner notes for Nirvana and received hate mail from Phil Collins. He did a decade-long tour of duty at The New York Times<\/em>, wrote cover stories for Rolling Stone<\/em>, and almost got killed by an ax-wielding polyamorous lunatic in The Truth<\/em>. He and I even have the same haircut.<\/p>\n

Most relevant here, he busted my balls for not finishing this book sooner, and that\u2019s how we ended up here.<\/p>\n

So why don\u2019t I let him tell the story in his words?<\/p>\n

INTRODUCTION<\/strong>
By Neil Strauss<\/strong><\/h2>\n

The goal of life is to make good decisions.<\/p>\n

And decisions are the simplest thing in the world. They just consist of a single choice between two words: yes<\/em> or no<\/em>.<\/p>\n

Through this binary choice, much like the way a computer builds digital worlds out of 0s and 1s, we create our destiny.<\/p>\n

These two options, however, are not created equal. There is just a tiny sliver of the world that we have the time to experience. So, we are called to filter through the nearly infinite spectrum of all that is available to us\u2026 and say no to almost everything. The more we can say no to the things that don\u2019t serve us, the more we are living our purpose.<\/p>\n

And I am failing at my life purpose.<\/p>\n

I say yes<\/em> to fucking everything.<\/p>\n

This is why I decided to help write this book. Not just to help you but to help me reclaim my life.<\/p>\n

When I was trying to decide what to share in this introduction, I called Tim for his thoughts.<\/p>\n

\u201cCan you think of a recent example where you said yes<\/em> to something you shouldn\u2019t have?\u201d he asked.<\/p>\n

My ex-wife was sitting next to me and it took her 1.5 seconds to come up with an example: \u201cJanet\u2019s costume party tonight.\u201d<\/p>\n

We all probably have a Janet in our lives. She is so pushy and persistent, in the kindest and most enthusiastic way, that I have trouble saying no to her. To her, a yes<\/em> is a legally binding agreement. A maybe<\/em> is a yes. And a no<\/em> is the beginning of a guilt trip that ends when you fold and say maybe<\/em>\u2014which she then takes to mean yes<\/em>, making it a legally binding agreement.\u00a0<\/p>\n

\u201cSo just cancel,\u201d Tim wisely suggested.<\/p>\n

\u201cI can\u2019t,\u201d I replied unwisely.<\/p>\n

\u201cSee?\u201d Ingrid gloated. \u201cI rest my case.\u201d<\/p>\n

Her case was indeed rested. On my guilty conscience.<\/p>\n

I grew up in a home where saying no <\/em>wasn\u2019t an option. A no would get you a stern lecture, a long grounding, or worst of all, a withdrawal of love. So as an adult, I became existentially terrified that every no <\/em>would come with some sort of blowback, such as losing a friendship, an opportunity, or someone\u2019s good will. And now I give my time\u2014and my life\u2014away, sometimes to people who have been publicly shitty to me. They call this trauma bonding. It\u2019s my specialty.<\/p>\n

Not like Tim.<\/p>\n

Tim is the master of no. As I write this in mid-October 2023, his text messages have an auto-response that reads:<\/p>\n

I\u2019m traveling overseas until Nov 7. If your text is urgent, please reach out to someone on my team. Otherwise, please resend your text after Nov 7 if it still applies. Since catching up would be impossible, I\u2019ll be deleting all messages upon my return and starting from scratch. Thank you.<\/em><\/p>\n

Deleting three weeks worth of messages! That is boss-level no.<\/p>\n

It\u2019s basically saying: The message you sent me is your priority, not automatically mine.<\/em><\/p>\n

It\u2019s a screaming yes<\/em> to life.<\/p>\n

It is truly an act of courage to not worry about how every single person who receives that text is going to react to being deleted. And this is just a small, everyday example of Tim\u2019s time mastery. Here\u2019s how incredible Tim is at saying no at a world-record level:<\/p>\n

Five years ago, he called to tell me he was writing a book on how to say no. He wanted me to contribute an essay to it.<\/p>\n

I didn\u2019t have time to help out. So of course I shut it down with these four words: \u201cYes, I\u2019ll do it!\u201d<\/p>\n

I didn\u2019t want Tim to be mad at me or stop asking me to contribute to his books or abandon me as a friend and talk shit about me to Naval Ravikant.<\/p>\n

Afterward, I spent a week writing a chapter for his project, and grumbling about how I should be spending the time working on my own book. After all, people pleasers like me live in constant resentment. We blame other people\u2019s requests for our bad decisions.<\/p>\n

I finished the essay and sent it to Tim, as did many others. Tim sent some follow-up questions, just to take up more of our time and make sure we regretted our decision, then he did something incredible:<\/p>\n

He said no\u2026 to the whole book!<\/em><\/p>\n

He has so thoroughly mastered the art that he actually said no<\/em> to the book on no. And then went on to return the largest book advance he\u2019d ever been given.<\/p>\n

Wow, that was an impressive act of self-preservation. While it may take you five days to read a book, it can take him three years to write and research it. That\u2019s three years of his life he gained back with a single no<\/em>.<\/p>\n

There was just one problem: I needed the book. As did so many others. It\u2019s a war zone out here. Our devices and apps, even some of our home appliances, are constantly studying us, determining how to focus more of our<\/em> attention on their<\/em> business models. Under the guise of helping us, they drown us in inboxes, notifications, and alerts, synced to phones, tablets, watches, even our cars. And if you don\u2019t respond to the Janets of the world within fifteen minutes, you get the inevitable \u201cAre you okay?\u201d or \u201cAre you upset at me?\u201d message. Or even worse, the insidious \u201c???\u201d<\/p>\n

Whether the challenge is the phone, other people, or our own compulsions, most of us need help saying no to what doesn\u2019t matter and drains our life energy. So, I reached out and told Tim that if he didn\u2019t want to finish the book, I would.<\/p>\n

On the condition that he could cancel the whole endeavor anytime he liked with one no<\/em>, he eventually sent me a 72,000-word Scrivener file of his notes, thoughts, writings, and collected information. I then set about organizing it into a book that would help myself and others live a more meaningful, connected, purpose-driven life by following the path of no.<\/p>\n

But simply dispensing rejections isn\u2019t the goal. You need amazing things worth defending. The path of no is also the path of selective<\/em> yesses. This book is a guide to finding the critical few among the trivial many.<\/p>\n

It\u2019s about finding the big yesses in our lives. Just a few.<\/strong> These may be people, partners, projects, places, and passions\u2014yesses so incredibly fulfilling that they enable us to say no to everything else. In fact, you only have to get a few big yesses right to live a deeply successful and joyful life.<\/p>\n

The book that follows was put together by the two of us from Tim\u2019s notes and experiences; further discussions and research; lots of hilarious video calls; and contributions from other gurus of no, some of whom actually said no<\/em> to us. We have included their rejections in the book as templates. Unless otherwise stated, every chapter and first-person anecdote that follows is from Tim\u2019s perspective.<\/p>\n

Hopefully by the end of this guide, we can all learn that there is a highway to happiness. And the borders that keep us on it, that prevent us from straying into the abyss of meaninglessness, are paved with the word no<\/em>.<\/p>\n

TORSCHLUSSPANIK<\/strong>
By Tim<\/strong> Ferriss<\/strong><\/h2>\n

I first realized I had a problem when everything was going right for me.<\/p>\n

The day was May 2, 2007, just after 5:30 p.m. in New York, when I received a phone call I\u2019ll never forget. My editor at Random House wanted to inform me that my debut book, The 4-Hour Workweek,<\/em> had hit The New York Times<\/em> bestseller list.<\/p>\n

As her words sunk in, I staggered backward and collapsed against the wall in shock, gratitude, and relief. Overnight, I was transformed from a guy begging people to answer his emails to someone on the other side. All kinds of requests and offers poured in. Speaking gigs, interviews, consulting, partnerships, brand deals\u2014it was a tsunami.<\/p>\n

Flattered, unprepared, and afraid this might be my only 15 minutes of fame, I said \u201cyes\u201d to nearly everything, especially anything six, nine, or twelve months off in the distance. My calendar seemed like pristine water, clear as crystal for a brief lull. Then I had to pay the piper.<\/p>\n

Rarely in the same place for more than a week, I felt more like Willy Loman in Death of a Salesman <\/em>than a jet-setting rock star.\u00a0My assistants and I were getting hammered with hundreds, then thousands, of emails per day. 90% of the time, I had no idea how people got my private email addresses. We were drowning.<\/p>\n

The irony was that my systems worked great. It was pure operator error.<\/p>\n

In the deluge, I had slipped from a mindset of JOMO (Joy of Missing Out) and following my own priorities, to a mindset of FOMO (Fear of Missing Out) and reactively grasping at shiny objects and shiny people. I was succumbing to what the Germans call Torschlusspanik<\/em>: literally, \u201cdoor-closing panic.\u201d<\/p>\n

The term comes from the time of walled medieval cities, when the gates would close at night\u2014and any resident left outside would be forced to fend for themselves. Getting through those doors often meant survival.<\/p>\n

In survival mode, I panicked. I stopped following my own rules. Once I made the first exception, the game was lost. It was death by a thousand paper cuts.<\/p>\n

So, what the hell happened? Why didn\u2019t I see it coming?<\/p>\n

These habits are formed early and embed themselves deeply. I come from a family full of lovely and conflict-avoidant folks. This isn\u2019t true for everyone in the extended clan, but it\u2019s enough for my default to be people-pleasing. Or, more accurately, people-fearing<\/em>\u2014a distinction we\u2019ll dive into later.<\/p>\n

Before the publication of my book, with little inbound, the effects of people-pleasing were negligible. I came up with wild plans, went out hunting for opportunities, cold-emailed people to pitch ideas, and knocked things off my to-do list. After the success of the book, with 1000x more inbound, the effects of people-pleasing were catastrophic. The underlying fear and guilt came out in full force and wreaked havoc. I was being emailed and called by a Genghis Khan army of versions of myself (surprise, bitch!), and I didn\u2019t have a playbook. Saying yes to other people\u2019s priorities made mine vanish like sand through my fingers.<\/p>\n

It took a while to unwind and figure out that I was doing it all wrong.<\/p>\n

Twelve months later, I had stemmed a good portion of the blood loss.\u00a0It was only possible because I had found a big YES that allowed me to focus and say no to at least 50% of the noise:<\/p>\n

Startups.<\/p>\n

I used the book\u2019s popularity with technologists to begin investing in and advising startups, and I soon moved to San Francisco to be in the center of the action. The timing was good, and I had incredible luck (Shopify, Facebook, Twitter, Uber, Alibaba, and more).<\/p>\n

One afternoon, I found myself in the office of a CEO and friend. His company would later become one of the fastest-growing startups in history. That day, he was calm as usual, despite the chaos and noise of Market Street a few floors below. Once we\u2019d caught up on the latest developments, the conversation meandered into productivity systems, and I asked how he thought about managing email. He spun his laptop around on his desk to show me his Gmail account. Once my eyes adjusted, I stood there slack-jawed, fixated on one thing:<\/p>\n

84,000+ unread email.<\/p>\n

Smiling at my shock, he said, \u201cInbox zero is a fallacy.\u201d<\/p>\n

Completely unfazed, he went on to explain a few policies he had. He ignored 99% of what came in. For much of what remained, his answer was a short, \u201cNot up my alley. Thanks.\u201d<\/p>\n

If 10 different but appealing people asked him to grab dinner, he would invite those 10 people to a group dinner and kill many birds with one stone.\u00a0<\/p>\n

If he wanted to preserve political capital but decrease contact with certain people, he\u2019d do the \u201cslow fade\u201d: He might first reply to them in 5 days, then 10 days, and then 20 days. \u201cThey will stop asking,\u201d he noted.\u00a0<\/p>\n

Clearly, there were levels to filtering, and then there were levels<\/em> to filtering. I took a photograph of his 84,000 unread count as a reminder.<\/p>\n

Right after that meeting, I created a digital swipe file called \u201cpolite declines\u201d in Evernote, a product made by another startup I advised. Starting that week in 2009, if anyone said no in a way that struck me as elegant or clever, I saved it. If a rejection somehow made me feel good, I saved it.\u00a0 If someone had great policies on their contact form, I saved it. If I came across a trick, tool, or philosophical reset for saying no\u2014whether over a meal, via email, or at the airport\u2014I saved it.<\/p>\n

This book contains the highlights from that swipe file.<\/p>\n

It\u2019s taken me an embarrassingly long time to implement the advice here, but I\u2019ve found rules, systems, and tools that make life a lot<\/em> easier. Of course, these strategies apply to dealing with other people, including strangers, loose ties, and family. But they also apply to managing ourselves<\/em>, especially those glitches in our mental operating system that act against our best interests.<\/p>\n

I\u2019ve also found ways to idiot-proof things and bring the lifeboat closer, such that when you do slip into overcommitting (it\u2019ll happen), it\u2019s one step to recovery instead of ten.<\/p>\n

This book was originally written like my other books (i.e., Tim tests everything, writes about what works, then publishes), until I called Neil to see how a rewrite was coming on a rough draft.<\/p>\n

\u201cHey, Tim, I\u2019m in Copenhagen,\u201d he screamed over a cacophony of background noise. \u201cI\u2019m at this conference I agreed to speak at, but now I\u2019m hosting the whole thing, and it\u2019s been taking up all my time.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThat\u2019s not good. I hope they\u2019re paying you well.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThey\u2019re not paying me anything.\u201d He paused and sighed. \u201cAnd you\u2019re not going to believe this, but I told the guy running the conference he could stay at my house when he\u2019s in LA next month.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYou what?! Has this book been working for you at all?\u201d<\/p>\n

He stammered a response, and we both came to realize that for a die-hard people pleaser, information and templates aren\u2019t enough. As my friend Derek Sivers puts it, \u201cIf\u00a0more\u00a0information were the answer, then we\u2019d all be billionaires with perfect abs.\u201d<\/p>\n

So, we rebuilt the book from the ground up as a daily, step-by-step experience with readings, exercises, and a complete plan that is relentlessly action-focused.<\/p>\n

The first test subject was Neil. As he went through these exercises and steps, he added his own experiences, notes, and struggles. Afterward, seeing the eventual transformation, it\u2019s clear that if you do the work<\/em>, this book really, really works<\/em>. The book is designed to meet you where \u00a0you are on your no journey and take you further than you think possible.<\/p>\n

And unlike most self-help programs, there is no set of one-size-fits-all rules. Through these readings and exercises, you will pick up a toolkit that is uniquely your own, tailored to your specific goals, challenges, strengths, and weaknesses. Some chapters won\u2019t be for you, but some will be especially<\/em> for you.<\/p>\n

The No Book<\/em>\u00a0is a Trojan Horse for becoming better at decision-making writ large. Decision-making is<\/em> your life.<\/p>\n

Everything from a job offer to a marriage proposal is a yes to one thing and a no to hundreds of thousands of other opportunities. It\u2019s easy\u2014the universal default\u2014to get pulled into the quicksand of half-hearted yesses and promiscuous overcommitment, ending up stressed and reactive, wondering where your time has gone. <\/p>\n

The No Book<\/em> re-examines how we navigate our finite path. It will help you build a benevolent phalanx\u2014a protective wall of troops\u2014that guard your goals, your relationships, and more, making everything more easeful.<\/p>\n

As you get deeper into this book, you\u2019ll begin to realize that how you handle no mirrors how you handle almost everything in life. Dramatically changing your nos will dramatically change your life.<\/p>\n

If Neil can fix his Copenhagen debacle and do a 180\u2014which he did\u2014the sky is the limit.<\/p>\n

So let\u2019s start building you some wings.<\/p>\n

###<\/p>\n

\n

Want to read more for free? <\/em><\/strong>Just sign up for 5-Bullet Friday<\/em><\/strong><\/a>. Tons coming soon.<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n

P.S. Any thoughts or suggestions? Please let me know in the comments below! <\/strong>Comments here are far better than social media, as I\u2019ll actually see them. And thanks for reading this far.<\/p>\n

Related<\/em><\/h3>\n<\/p>\n

The Tim Ferriss Show<\/strong><\/a> <\/em>is one <\/span>of the most popular podcasts in the world with more than one billion downloads. It has been selected for “Best of Apple Podcasts” three times, it is often the #1 interview podcast across all of Apple Podcasts, and it’s been ranked #1 out of 400,000+ podcasts on many occasions. To listen to any of the past episodes for free, check out this page<\/a><\/strong>.<\/p>\n<\/p><\/div>\n

\"Profit<\/a>
<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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