What’s the Right Mix of The Four Tendencies in a Team?

I am always pondering the “Four Tendencies”—my personality framework that divides people into Upholders, Questioners, Obligers, and Rebels. It’s endlessly fascinating. (Identify your own tendency with my free quiz.)

Understanding the Four Tendencies can be extremely valuable in the workplace, because using the framework can help deal with burn-out, procrastination, insubordination, rigidity, impulsivity, and so on. Often, conflicts arise because two people are of two different Tendencies, so they see things in different ways. Once you take the Tendencies into account, a solution becomes clear.

Recently, I posted on a question that I’m often asked: What’s the best Tendency to hire?

I’m also often asked a related question: What’s the right mix of the Four Tendencies for a team? And the answer is the same: It depends.

It depends on the task of the team, it depends on the particular mix of people on the team, it matters how each Tendency balances the others. So it’s impossible to give a formula.

But I do have several observations.

The Four Tendencies at Work: A Quick Reference

How to Build a Balanced Team

If you’re putting together a team, be aware that you might be inclined to keep choosing people of your own Tendency. As you’d expect, we “get” our own Tendency best. We understand how that Tendency thinks, how they make decisions, how they thrive, what frustrations they commonly experience. So when you come across someone who matches you, it feels right. But this concentration weakens a team, because you end up with too much of certain qualities, and not enough of others.

Think about the aim of the team, and how the different Tendencies can contribute. Depending on what the team is expected to do, you might want a bit more of one Tendency or another in the mix, to have a bit more of that particular set of strengths.

Be aware that for a team to thrive, people may need different conditions. In my book Life in Five Senses, I wrote about how people need different sound environments to concentrate. Some people focus best in silence, others with a busy hum of activity, and others might prefer music. Likewise, some team members may need a particular process or structure, while others don’t.  Look for ways to give all team members what they need.

For instance, Questioners can drain and overwhelm others with their questioning, but if they’re going to get on board, they need answers to those questions. Look for ways to give them those answers that don’t exhaust everyone else. Let’s say you’re on a Zoom call making a presentation to the team about a new software package. You’ve talked for twenty minutes, most people have heard enough, but two people keep raising their hands. You could say, “If you feel like you’ve learned what you need to know about this transition, feel free to drop off. If you’d like to learn more, stay put, and I’m happy to answer any additional questions you have.”

Similarly, as an Upholder, I don’t like imposing deadlines on other people. My inclination is to say, “I don’t want to be your babysitter. Do your work in your own way, just get it done.” But that doesn’t work well with Obligers. An Obliger friend told me that when he’s interviewing for a position, he always says, “I work best with a tough, demanding boss. That’s how I give my best work. Are you a tough boss?” 

My podcast cohost—and sister—Elizabeth and I have talked more than once about how her Obliger tendency and my Upholder tendency shape the way we work together, including how outer accountability helps her meet expectations that don’t come as naturally to her as they do to me. You can listen to us talk about Elizabeth’s Obliger tendency here.

Special note on Rebels: Usually, when a Rebel teams up—a founding team, a sales team, writing partners, a boss and chief of staff—that team member is an Obliger. (This is true in romance as well.) If one member of a team is a Rebel, expect to see an Obliger standing nearby.

Obligers are the “Type O” of the Tendencies—they match up well with all Tendencies. This is very useful to consider, when building a team. Note, too, that Obliger is the biggest Tendency, for both men and women. For that reason, you probably are an Obliger or have Obligers on your team. 

But while Obligers tend to match pretty easily with other Tendencies, Rebels match much better with Obligers than they do with Questioners and Upholders, who can become puzzled and frustrated by many aspects of the Rebel way. Obligers often feel excitement and relief when Rebels say, “Come on, let’s forget all that, off we go!” but Questioners and Upholders may get irritated. This isn’t always true, of course, but it’s a striking pattern.

Watch Out for Obliger Rebellion

If you work with an Obliger (or if you are one), take note: they’re often the easiest Tendency to overload, precisely because they rarely say no. If you keep adding deadlines without also checking whether the workload itself is sustainable, you risk what I call Obliger-rebellion—the point where an Obliger who has met, met, met, and met expectations suddenly snaps and refuses to meet any more. On a team, this can look like a reliable person abruptly missing a deadline, going quiet, or quitting outright, and it can seem to come out of nowhere to anyone who wasn’t watching for the warning signs beforehand.

Since Obliger is the most common Tendency for both men and women, most teams have more Obligers than any other type, so this is worth building into how you manage. Check in on workload, not just on output, and watch for early signs like uncharacteristic procrastination or a normally engaged person going quiet. I’ve written more about identifying and preventing Obliger-rebellion here.

If you have a LinkedIn Learning account, my course Creating Great Workplace Habits goes deeper into applying the Four Tendencies—and other habit strategies—at work.